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Posted 1/30/2019 6:26 AM (GMT 0)
So after feeling hopeless I had a quick burst of rage. The anger just released out of me and onto the person next to me.
7 days later I’m living on my own and severely disconnected. Wanting to be lonely and by myself. Cops and doctors don’t know what I go through. All they want is their pay and people doped up with medication they give them to say they are making a difference in lives. The cops just wanted to lock me out of society because I’ve “seen” them to much which isn’t true at all. Didn’t have any police at my house in 2 years. But that’s their excuse. They throw me into a psychiatric facility because I had no where to stay thst night. And no other options. They want to say and I quote in paper work “he is severely mentally disabled” why categories me as that. I’m a writer that writes his characters thoughts. And the characters in my book are suicidal. They found those papers and thought I was a danger to myself. But all I am is a writer. A writer with a heart and a fear of letting people down. A fear of hurting someone he loves. A writer that wants a girl in his life but she. But she wants that other guy. Would you lock of Shakespeare for danger if he wrote about suicide? I hope not but. They did it too me.
Posted 1/30/2019 3:27 PM (GMT 0)
If they thought that was your thoughts, they are being careful to make sure you are okay.

I am sorry for what you are going through. I hope that things get better. Maybe if you wrote about better things you might feel better? Do you think?

Take care and take things one day at a time.

Hugs, Karen....
Posted 1/31/2019 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
Are you seeing a therapist? This can not only help you not take Law Enforcements actions personally, but also, help you to examine your "rage" triggers. I am less concerned about what you write. Rage is the tip of the iceberg.....underneath the tip is the "real iceberg." I think a therapist would help you get in touch with your pain and wounds that lie beneath your rage.
Posted 1/31/2019 7:44 AM (GMT 0)
I’m trying to get a therapist but now I’m living on my own. With no car or license so it’s kinda hard getting to one.
Posted 1/31/2019 1:40 PM (GMT 0)
Is there public transit where you are? Cabs, busses and other stuff?

I hope you get a therapist soon.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 2/1/2019 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum Forever Finding.

Shakespeare was an advocate for mental illness and because of the time he lived in, could only do so through his plays. However, I feel sure, that if your were able to talk to him today, he suggest you visit a doctor.

http://theshakespeareblog.com/2012/03/shakespeares-minds-diseased-mental-illness-and-its-treatment/

Do you have a job to bring money in so you can use public transit?

Besides depression, do you have anything else you are dealing with? Such as drinking or a drug habit?
Not accusing, I don't know you, it is a question.
I have been in Crisis units - Psych Hospitals 5 times. It is not fun I agree. However, the 3rd time I realized that if I did not change something, this cycle would continue.

At the inpatient hospital tell the social worker you living situation, be 100% honest, be kind, do not sell or chase the person down.. get on the SW good side and they will help you find a Doc and Therapist.
I know it is their job. Reallity is they deal with nasty, belligerent people day in day out. So when a nice polite one comes a long, they will do more for that person. Plain Human response.

I have a chemical imbalance in my brain, I am now on meds and have not been back to crisis. I feel good and stay on my meds.

Random outbursts of anger is a serious thing and needs to be addressed, you could find yourself in
a dangerous if not life threatening situation if the anger hits at the wrong time and with the wrong person. You won't be able to see it coming.

I get your feelings about police and doc. I grew up in a very abusive home and when they were called they never did anything. My father was friends with the chief of police. It was a small town.
How ever, it is different today [I am 58]. Police care, really for the most part, sure there are some. Taking you to crisis is the best thing.. SO much better than jail and an arrest for public disturbance.

I know it is humiliating, embarrassing, the feeling of not being able to wrap your mind around what they are saying and what you see as real, scares us to death. We want to run and fight. Flight or Fight.
Survival skill. However, the truth is to survive and move on we need help.

Now that you are alone with out a means of self transportation your depression can get worse and the anger outburst can intensify.

Since I know a little of what you are going through, may I urge you to go to the nearest ER and check into a crisis center. One of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. It may just save your life.

I was you peace, comfort and innerstrength
Trina
Posted 2/2/2019 12:55 AM (GMT 0)
What did you do to the other person during the burst of rage? What happened in the following 7 days? Feels like there's something missing here. I don't mean that as a criticism - just trying to get a fuller picture.

Okay I just had a look at your post history. I see you've got cystic fibrosis, which must be incredibly hard to deal with alone. If you do get a therapist, I would try to find one which specialises in chronic illness - preferably cystic fibrosis although that might be a bit too specialised. There must be support groups too, even if only online. Please try to talk to somebody about it. You sound like you desperately need to talk to someone who understands. You might get lucky with an empathetic policeman, but by and large police aren't trained to deal with mental health crisis.

Doctors, especially psychiatrists, *ought* to understand, but not all of them do. When I was in a psychiatric ward a year ago, I had the most indifferent psychiatrist possible. Plus she was weirdly controlling - she wouldn't give a straight answer to even basic questions. You can change your therapist if you get a bad one, but you can't change your doctor inside a psychiatric ward.

But there are enough good people out there you will find one if you keep looking. Just remember, most people are scared of anger (even angry shouting is scary). You will get a better, more open, response if you can contain your anger and talk calmly: try to save the rage for when you are alone!

I hope you can get the help you need. Good luck.
Posted 2/2/2019 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
Forever Finding,
I just read the "poetry" thread and you are a talented writer!
Do you keep a journal? I think it will help you.
Most importantly, at this time, you need to take care of your "basic needs."
You've been given some very good advice here. As you say "nobody knows what goes on in your head" but please value yourself enough to find a hospital / crisis center. You can find help if keep searching....forever finding.
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