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Posted 9/4/2019 3:09 PM (GMT 0)
I am all over the place emotionally and have no clue what to do.

I want to change careers and stop working at temporary jobs, yet a part of me is afraid to get a full-time, permanent job, assuming they still exist, due to my horrible past work experiences. Yes, I know that I shouldn't let my past experiences dictate my future, but it is so hard not to. (I'm working on this with my therapist).

I also realize that I've been stuck in a rut so long that I got comfortable being in it. I'm afraid of change which I realize is foolish as life is all about change, but I can't help how I feel.

When I think about everything, I realize that 'fear' has been a constant factor in my life; it has paralyzed me. I have a fear of everything. My thoughts even tell me that something bad will happen to me if I do or don't do something. I know I shouldn't diagnose myself or turn to 'Dr. Google' for answers, but my behavior seems to fit the definition of OCD.

I'm trying hard to correct my mindset, but it is such a struggle.
Posted 9/4/2019 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
I think we are all a little uncomfortable with change. But life changes before our very eyes. And the only thing that will never ever change, is that there will always be changes in our lives.

Talk to your doc about the ocd. Especially if you feel you have it.

I hope you can find a full time job with benefits. Insurance if you need, paid vacations. You deserve that. Like you said though "assuming they still exist"... I hope they do for you.

I think we all have fears though some don't admit it. Life itself can be scary. Try to take it one day at a time and keep pushing forward. That is all we can do.

Have an awesome day...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 9/4/2019 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hi ForeverPositive - First, just want you to know you're not alone. I'm emotionally all over the place right now, too. I feel crazy and defeated in this battle right now.

I think just the fact that you KNOW your thoughts are irrational is huge. I just read something today that made sense to me. Whenever you're really ruminating or anxiety stricken try saying "In all likelihood, it really could happen." It helps you to acknowledge that there is always a chance of something happening but doesn't mean it necessarily will.

Do you take any medication? It might be worth talking to your doctor about. It doesn't have to be for forever and can help you work through this trying time in your life.
Posted 9/4/2019 6:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hi JRF007,

I've been on Bupropion for a few months now. I recently had my Bupropion increased from 150 xl to 350 xl, but I think I'm going to ask my doctor to increase it to the maximum.

I think a big part of why I feel all over the place is due to financial stress. I'm worry about paying the bills and unexpected additional expenses which I incurred.

To top it off, my anxiety-ridden thoughts. Grrr...I wish I can be more carefree and not stress about things.
Posted 9/4/2019 7:47 PM (GMT 0)
Oh yes, financial stress is a huge trigger for a lot of us. Deep breaths! Just know you're doing your best and things will eventually get better. You should look up grants or programs for wherever you live and see if you qualify for any help.

I'm not familiar with Bupropion but it definitely wouldn't hurt to ask. And if it's not working for you, they will definitely have other options in their arsenal.
Posted 9/5/2019 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
They say that becoming rich won't buy you happiness. But, on the other hand, financial stress when money is tight can be rather unpleasant.

I used to hate change. However, if change never occurred, their wouldn't be butterflies in our world.
Posted 9/6/2019 2:03 AM (GMT 0)
I'm in the same boat forever, I have such an adversion and fear to change!
However, I find myself forced into change and although I try to hold on to the past kicking and screaming I find myself to be adaptable after all and actually do quite well.

Do you think you might be as well if you force yourself to stretch?
Posted 10/16/2019 12:53 AM (GMT 0)
I also have an irrational fear of change and in my experience...dont change anything drastically...change 1 small thing here and there and before you realize it you have changed alot of things and the change wont seem like it because you did it so slowly.
My fear is so bad with change that even a new pillow on my bed sends me into a panic attack... not having something be where I put it last makes me have a panic attack...its bad. I see a therapist and she helps me alot. I have OCD bad and it sucks. People make fun of me for having it and it's not funny. It's a disease and it can become debilitating and can feel like a huge burden... so if you can get help for it do it quickly and catch it before it gets out of hand..
Good luck and be safe
Posted 10/16/2019 10:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Crayne12,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am glad you found us. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

I did edit your long post to make paragraphs for easier reading.

Have a good day.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 10/16/2019 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome Crayne

Please exvuse my spelling i am on pain meds tofays

You certainly have a lot to deal with. We are here to listen and support you. You will find peopke hear who deal with ans feel as you do.

I wonder if you have askex your therapists about mindfulness. I m NJ ow a fewpoeple that have OCD and have reduced the sypmtoms signifantly.

Here is a link for some information to start you out if you have not.

[Url]https://www.mindful.org/?s=OCD[/yrl]

Peace
Trina
Posted 10/17/2019 11:32 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Crayne.
Posted 10/17/2019 1:40 PM (GMT 0)
I think taking things one day at a time until we are comfortable enough to start making small changes in our lives. I believe a lot of us are uncomfortable with changes. But it will come to you when the time is right.

Hang in there FP...

Hugs, Karen...
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