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Posted 11/20/2019 12:15 AM (GMT 0)
I sure wish there were one of those on this site.
I’m sure there are many people like myself who could really use it
Just feel like after 7 months of this I’ve worn you all out
Losing a child is such a painful loss it’s hard to understand if you haven’t been through it
I thank you for trying
With the holidays approaching I’m beside myself
There’s no place like home for the holidays the commercials sing
Well my son can’t come home for the holidays so it breaks my heart every time it plays
I was cleaning up paper clutter the other day and found a large envelope from my old job that said COBRA
I almost threw it away without opening it but in black pen was written personal identification
I opened it up and it was my sons passport, birth certificate, social security card etc
I felt like I got a punch in the stomach
All that’s left of him is pieces of paper and a box full of ash
sad
Posted 11/20/2019 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
Weary,

You're right. My friend and her family are struggling to cope with the loss of their brother/son, and it would be beneficial to have a forum for people grieving.

The holidays tend can be hard, especially for people in your situation. Maybe, you and your family can do something to honor his memory during the holidays?

Have you find a grief counselor yet? Maybe, a counselor can direct you to a group for grieving parents.
Posted 11/20/2019 10:52 AM (GMT 0)
The memories in your heart and mind are the most beautiful; the loss is immense, however he is with you each day....everyday as you with him. We always here for ya weary.

Fp my condolences to you and to the family.

Live the best we can for those departed. HT
Posted 11/20/2019 11:29 AM (GMT 0)
Have you looked on line for grief support? Have you reached out to a counselor? I know this is hard. I feel for you and anybody who has lost a child.

Just remember the ones who are living too. Maybe during the holidays you can be with family and maybe it will make things easier for you. I hope so.

Don't feel like you are burdening us in any way. We are all here for you. We understand your pain. Know you can always post about this here. And we will always reply.

I hope that things get easier for you. I hope you can have a good time with family and friends during this holiday season.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/20/2019 5:07 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have any great advice but want you to know that we care. Sending hugs.
Posted 11/24/2019 1:49 AM (GMT 0)
hi all and thank you for your kind words
I haven't found a one on one counselor. I have a good group counseling 1 x per month specifically for parents, grandparents and siblings.
This group also has on line chat which I use nearly nightly
Monday I am going back to the funeral home- they are going to transfer his ashes from the temporary urn (thought I was going to scatter but couldn't bear too) to a beautiful wooden box my other son made for his brother.
HT- is is with me every day as I am with him- I appreciate that thought- it is one I will meditate on.

Thanks again to all for the support
Posted 11/24/2019 4:51 AM (GMT 0)
I don't know how I can improve on what others have said, but I am still thinking of you

Kathy
Posted 11/24/2019 11:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Kathy
Hope all is well with you
I know you have your challenges as a caregiver along with your own health
Posted 11/25/2019 10:39 PM (GMT 0)
Grief is hard to deal with. There is no negation, no fixing anything.

However HT is correct, the memories in time, start filling the void with a warmth that I can use words to give it justice.

I lost a dear friend a couple years ago. I started righting to him in my journal. I was and am fully aware that he is gone, but some how when I to him, I feel a connection more then I do when just thinking about him.

Just like journaling is cathartic.

I have never been to a grief support group, his father went and still goes, says it stabilizes him. He like that he can help others too, know that they are not alone.

Wish you strength and peace, you will find your way, you are stronger than you know, for you are posting here don't stop, we are here for you please remember that, we truly care.

Trina
Posted 11/27/2019 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
Bad day
Felt very depressed after taking his temporary urn to the funeral home to have the ashes transferred to a permanent wooden urn my son made for his brother.
She tears in the waiting room and cried all the way home.

Now I just opened my email and have found that the open records department DISMISSED my appeal to receive the police report concerning my son's unattended death.

And a very Happy Thanksgiving to all of those involved with blocking the information from me that would determine the cause of death for my son.

I'm holding myself back from responding to the email while my emotions are running raw. Must sleep on this.

I fully intend to continue to pursue. Have to read up on the next step. Or maybe I should just fast forward to getting the media involved.

Or perhaps if timing permits- I give myself a rest and try to get through these "f"ing holidays
Posted 11/27/2019 12:06 PM (GMT 0)
Honestly, I would try to focus on the holidays and your family. Even if you intend to pursue. Give yourself a break. I think that the truth will come out. But you need some rest from it.

I am glad you got the urn that your other son made. I feel for you, I really do. I know it is difficult. But you can only take so much at this time. Go to the next step, then focus on holidays with your family.

Know we all care and want you to know the truth of what happened. We just want you to take it slow and try to enjoy your present life. Like I say, the truth will come out.

With that being said, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I hope you can enjoy the time with friends and family...

I do feel for you Weary. I want everything to be better.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/30/2019 1:57 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all
I made it thru Thanksgiving
Early morning me and my husband had a good cry but when the kids and grandson came we were good.
I had a picture of my son in front of his urn and when we sat down to dinner I lit a candle next to it.
No comment or talk of their brother from the kids.
It bothers me.
I knocked myself out cooking, today there was a lot of clean up even though for the longest time I was cleaning up as I went along....
Have an RA flare in my hands- more stiffness and swelling- not pain so I'm OK. Plus had just seen my rheumatologist and she prescribed a prednisone burst pack but I didn't start it.
Today did my best to just rest and eat delicious leftovers. Was too busy to eat yesterday.
Did decide to put the PD report on the back burner for a bit.
Never responded to the email.
Let them think I gave up and then I'll pounce.
Posted 11/30/2019 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
Maybe your kids thought talking about their brother would upset you so they didn't. I'm sure they haven't forgotten him. I'm glad you got through Thanksgiving OK.
Posted 11/30/2019 11:28 AM (GMT 0)
Maybe Buena but not being able to acknowledge the loss is more upsetting.
You are probably right.
Posted 11/30/2019 4:35 PM (GMT 0)
I agree, the kids are most likely looking out for you.

It is amazing out pragmatic children can be. Accepting a loss, loved one in heaven. They are gone, but in heaven and that is good. However, they see the pain of loved ones around them, try to do whatever makes them feel better, or hurt less.

From my point of view, they are wonderful kids!

Peace and strength
Trina
Posted 11/30/2019 8:07 PM (GMT 0)
People all grieve differently. Some just can't talk about it. Though I agree with you, you would of liked it acknowledged. I also agree that they were trying to protect you in their way. Try to take from it the memories of you with your children that you still have left. I think that is the best way to get the most out of the event.

Have you had any luck with support groups or finding a grief therapist? Or finding a grief forum? I think you need to share.

I hope things get easier for you.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/30/2019 11:00 PM (GMT 0)
I know a person who lost a child years ago due to an illness.

This person, at this point, finds it helpful to try not to think about it. This person says it's impossible to never think about it at all, of course.

Everyone grieves differently. What works for this person doesn't work for everyone who has lost a child.
Posted 12/3/2019 7:32 PM (GMT 0)
I agree Weary, a grief forum would be nice. Just keep doing whatever you need to do to get by! Thinking of you. <3
Posted 12/5/2019 12:04 AM (GMT 0)
It's really proving to be too hard
I hate what my life has become
Posted 12/5/2019 11:28 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry that you've been going through this. I can't imagine. I am always so down about nothing and nonsense, this makes me realize that perhaps I am unappreciative of the uneventful life I lead. I think a grief group would be nice here, but I don't think the admin is thinking about adding boards at the moment. I think he's more focused on improving the site's visibility and function. Have you looked for grief groups that meet a little more often? I think I'd probably look for a one-on-one therapist or doctor even. It would be good to have an unbiased person to talk to about these feelings. I know what you mean about the holidays and hosting. All the work that goes into it and almost no one offers to help, it can be depressing, especially when you're emotional. It sounds like you need to put yourself first for a bit.
Posted 12/5/2019 11:57 PM (GMT 0)
My grandfather died in 2000 at the age of 80.

And all these years later, I still miss him...not to the point where it interferes with how happy I am. But still, I miss him.

He was always good to me when I was growing up.

He was a big New England Patriots fan. It's too bad that he never got to see them win any of their Super Bowl titles, as they won six Super Bowls after he died. He would have been happy to see his favorite NFL team succeed.
Posted 12/17/2019 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
I've put in a request with the Admin of the forum to see if we can get a Grief Forum. I'm just waiting for an answer.
Posted 12/18/2019 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks so much Michelejc!
I sure hope it happens!
Posted 12/19/2019 3:09 PM (GMT 0)
That would be wonderful - thank you!
Posted 2/18/2020 2:20 AM (GMT 0)
I would love a grief forum. I know that I am still grieving with the loss of my sister & mother.
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