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Posted 1/14/2020 8:21 PM (GMT 0)
I lost my dad last week... I just am so lost and sad and numb... Never in a million years did I think I'd be an orphan at 31... and to lose them only 5 years (almost 6) apart.. I'm trying to find comfort in knowing they're together again but it's just so darn hard right now.
Posted 1/14/2020 9:25 PM (GMT 0)
Very sorry to hear of your loss and that you are suffering. I lost my mother when I was only 28 and it took years to feel whole again. (That was 32 years ago.) I always kind of hoped my aunts (my mother's sisters) would step in, at least a little bit, but they never even tried.

I hope you can make friends with relatives or others that are of a similar age as your parents -- not to take their place, but to maybe share their life experience with you from a different viewpoint than that of similar-aged friends.

Hang in there, it will get better. It will never be the same, things will always be different, but it will be better, I promise.

Gentle hugs,
Lynnwood
Posted 1/15/2020 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
Hi JRF

So sorry to hear of the loss of your dad sad
I know that it was your greatest fear; now realized.
It's very raw and new right now. Time to take things one minute at a time and focus on just putting one foot in front of the other.
It's like a punch in the stomach right now but in time it will soften even though you will miss him.
I'm an orphan too. I know there are times when I could use some parental advice or support and there's no one to call. sad
Wishing you peace and strength,

Weary
Posted 1/15/2020 4:01 AM (GMT 0)
My deepest of condolences.
Hugs. HT.
Posted 1/15/2020 11:43 AM (GMT 0)
I have been an orphan for a long time. But my mother and I didn't get along and I only met my father once. So I really didn't know him.

I am so sorry for your loss. Things do get easier with time.. You have many fond memories.

Hang in there hun.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 1/15/2020 12:59 PM (GMT 0)
JRF,
I am so sorry for your loss. I was never close to my father. What a terrible thing that is to say especially given my faith and background. My father was uncaring and I would give the world to feel as you do now that your father has passed. By this I mean you cared deeply for him and I am sure he loved you very much.

This may sound crazy especially coming from a man but love is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing ever in this world. Nothing even comes close. Love can make the darkest day bearable.

Again I am so sorry for you loss. My prayer are with you

Feel better please
dmo
Posted 1/16/2020 6:15 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome JRF

So when you loose parents, even when you are not close to them like I was.

I am sorry you feel like an orphan. Must be terrible. Is there any other family near by?
Do you work?
Perhaps, a well deserved vacation would help you accept the losses.

In time the hole you feel, will close, and warm memories will take its place.
I am 59

Peace
Trina
Posted 1/19/2020 2:19 AM (GMT 0)
JRF

How are feeling?

Peace
Trin
Posted 1/22/2020 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
I have been struggling. I have this blanket of numbness right now and I'm afraid of what this all looks like when it slips off. When my mom passed about 6 years ago, my dad and I were each others life lines. I don't have that this time around.

I do work and have come back. It's a good distraction for part of my day but afterward it's right back to feeling like I'm drowning.

I have 2 older brothers, one lives 4 hours away and the other I am not close with as he lives a life that I can't condone or support. I love him, he's my brother but things are less stressful when I'm not involved in his horrible life choices.

I've always been very self reliant, but my Dad was my person. My best friend.
Posted 1/22/2020 7:49 PM (GMT 0)
Things are still fresh, give yourself time to grieve. Be gentle with yourself right now. Find pleasurable things to do if you have the energy after work. I agree work is a good distraction. Maybe you can start an end of the day routine.

And there is always grief counseling. It helps many. Maybe it would help you too.

I feel bad about your brother. I am glad you can avoid the drama and stress. Whatever it is, it doesn't sound good.

I know you are stronger than you think but I feel you need some support right now. I wish we could all be there to help you, but instead all we can do is give words. Hang in there. Know I am thinking about you.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 1/23/2020 6:26 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you, Karen. I really appreciate that.

I am currently in therapy. I surprisingly have been going, but as for anything else I've either cancelled or avoided... I am trying. I know it's a process. It just all sucks right now.
Posted 1/24/2020 6:28 AM (GMT 0)
JRF,
My dad died 36 years ago, when I was 24, and I can still say it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. We were extremely close. I can remember wondering why the world did not stop and people kept going about their business as usual. I just lived day by day, then week by week, then month by month and so on, and other good things started creeping back into my life. I still miss him a lot, but the hurt is mostly gone.

I am glad you are still going to see your therapist. Other stuff can wait.
Posted 1/28/2020 2:13 AM (GMT 0)
Many healing thoughts i send.
HT
Posted 1/28/2020 7:06 PM (GMT 0)
JRF

Glad you are taking care of yourself.

To have such a relationship with your Dad is definitely a gift in life. When you are having a bad time, feeling numb, to the point, you don't want to get up or go out.

Try hard to ask yourself, what would Dad say to me? How would be want me to react to his passing?
Would celebrating his life be a better way to help process my grief?

You can do this by writing down a short memory that comes to you. This can be comforting as your write, it is like free writing, except shorter.

I don't mean to express for a moment that you will not have sad, overwhelming times. Just thinking a little focus on better times with him may help.

This process help me with bad times.

Peace and strength
Trina
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