Getting Support

Hi, new here. I've struggled with milder forms of depression for most of my life. about two years ago, a significant romantic relationship ended. Looking back, my partner was most definitely emotionally abusive and the end triggered a much more severe depression, which I've been fighting to come out of ever since. As I read about how to overcome this, so much literature points to the necessity of social support. Social support that has been near impossible to come by. I feel I have to fake happiness, and if I don't, no one will want to speak to me, or be in my life. I have no idea how to make new friends, and a recent new friend even complained to me about their work, but backed off completely when I complained about mine. Going so far as to say I sound jaded after I explained to this person what was happening. Needless to say, I took this somewhat hard and now am at the point where I'm embarrassed to even reach out again. I can't tell if my issue is that people are truly backing off, or if I just perceive that they are backing away prematurely and give up all effort on my end. Any thoughts/tips on what to do? I especially struggle in times where I am having an awful day, or my thoughts skew negative, and I just really, really need someone to talk to and get reassurance. I am in therapy, but once a week, and it doesn't seem like nearly enough human contact for what I have been going through. I have a few friends who don't live in my city, but they seem to get exhausted with me. My family too.

Post Edited (seasalt35) : 2/29/2020 6:46:29 PM (GMT-7)

Hi Seasalt35,

Welcome to the depression forum. It is early so I don't have much of a brain yet, but wanted to welcome you.

I hope that things get better for you. In the meantime keep posting as it does help to put things down and in perspective.

Have a nice day.

Hugs, Karen...

When we are depressed nothing is enjoyable. Chances are that your depression is chemical imbalance. And surface conversations are what they are. Often how we feel is how we perceive things. And nothing is much fun.

I was wondering the same as Kathy, are you on any medications? Therapy helps, medications help, but there are other things that can help too such as meditation and mindfulness. The way we look at things. Getting out for a walk if the weather is nice. Trying not to expect so much out of others.

I think when the average person goes out they want to talk about positive things, even though in reality not everything is positive. It's like they want to give their brain a break from the negative in the world. Be it your depression or the coronavirus. People often just want to be happy. I try to surround myself with positives. It makes life so much more pleasant. I can't avoid every negative thing, but it is easier to deal with if I keep a positive attitude.

With that being said, I am glad you have continued to post. All I really know is that life is short and if I have the power within me to be happy and appreciate each day I am going to. We have that power within us. Not saying that we don't need therapy and medications. I take four different things for depression and anxiety. I hate that I have to take medication but it helps tremendously.

Keep hanging in there, have a good evening.

Hugs, Karen...

There are many more SSRI's to try if you want to go that route. Also SNRI's. Which have less side effects.

Exercise is good. Keep that up. Walking helps a lot too.

You shouldn't expect yourself to be a positive force for anybody but yourself.

Though I don't see anything wrong with focusing on positive things. Especially if it makes someone happy. You may feel that they are living a lie, but they are not. We get back what energy we put out. If a person is negative all the time, their life will be negative.

I think volunteering is a good idea. You will have gratification.

You can't fix all the problems of the world, but you can work on your corner of it. Like volunteering and things like that. You can talk about things all day long, but it takes participation.

I think computers and phones have changed society. People don't even leave their houses anymore if they can communication by phone or text. It is sad.

I hope you find what you are looking for. I wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen...

So...I have a question/idea.

Try being completely honest with one person about one thing and see what happens. Do you have a friend to who you can say "I feel like I have to be happy all the time in order for anyone to like me" ? The thing about being in our heads is that usually how we *think* people feel about us...and how they *actually* feel is different. If you combat your fears starting with just one honest exchange you can trust, it makes the next time easier, etc etc.