Those Who Have Anger Outbursts Can Control Themselves When They Really Want To

A relative of mine, who died before I was born, had depression issues as well as a wicked temper, according to my family members who knew him. He'd have these dark days emotionally. And when he was having a bad day, he'd sometimes fly off the handle at others. Many in the family were afraid of him because of it.

However, back then, one family member wasn't intimidated by him. When he'd get real angry at her, she'd get in his face and give it right back to him!

Hence, it didn't take long for him to learn not to fly off the handle at her anymore. He'd still sometimes get furious at those who were too afraid to stand up to him. But not her.

So these people who supposedly have uncontrollable anger outbursts can control themselves when they really want to.

I don't think you can always control how angry you feel. However, I do think you can control how you react to the anger that you feel.

Welcome to forum Rat

We are not clinical here folks here.

We speak from our experience and working with our "skills" to change our reaction to others actions. As a person with depression can be triggered into a dark place by actions.

Mike was not saying ALL persons respond this way. In general, if you do not "feed the fire" it will go out. On the other hand, "Bullies" when confronted may back down.

As a new member, I ask you to review the Rules and Regs, plus the top thread which has lots of good resources and books!!

Peace and strength
Trina

But Mike,

When or if I get that angry everything is done on impulse. And I cannot control how I feel. Granted it has been years since I felt that angry. But I can't agree that people can control anger. That is why people commit passionate and horrific crimes. They can't control themselves.

I think if somebody works on anger issues with a therapist or psychiatrist that they can learn not to get to that boiling point. But that takes time and a lot of work and patience. Or maybe even if somebody were to stand up to them as you were talking about. But that could also make an angry person more so.

I am not sure if we are talking about bullies or psychopaths. LOL... But from my experience it is an anger issue that luckily I haven't ran into in a very long time.

Hugs, Karen...

Oh... Hello Rat. My first husband's nickname was Swamprat and most people called him Rat.

My first husband (who passed in 2000) was in the army and stationed in the swamps of Mississippi. That is where he got his name swamprat. Plus he liked swamps.. He was from North Carolina originally. Came to Michigan in the 70s and stayed here.

I hope you have a good day.

Hugs, Karen...

Trina,
I do appreciate the response. I am tired of doctors pigeonholing without logical thought. To be stigmatized and treated so poorly by the medical professions and then I come here, expecting sanctuary with my peers only to face the same ignorance. It can be very devastating and damaging when your own people provide bad information.

I'm glad to see that his perspective is not shared. I dearly hope he is able to heal. You as well. We are all fighting our own dragons.

I did familiarize myself with the resources and rules before I initially posted. Thank you. There is good info there.

I am from US. Yes, Sumatra is beautiful and my retirement hope....the name is actually a Sherlock Holmes reference.
Blessings to all.

Hi rat. HT I'm downunder mate.

☺☺☺🐒🐒🐢 HT

You said you have trouble with sounds bothering you, stating,

"For example, living as I do in a block of flats the slightest noise can make me have a livid meltdown. Earlier on today, someone decided to stand outside my flat and talk for half an hour rather than go for a walk. Now I live on a ground floor flat and people like that is why I can never open my window." ...."The only alternative is to wear ear plugs 24/7, but that gets hard on my ears."

I have problems with noise, also, having hyperacusis, which means every noise sounds louder than it is. It is maddening.

One way I try to combat that is, outgoing softer sound waves can reduce incoming louder sound waves when the two meet, or plus 5 minus 5 equals 0. It won't necessarily stop the incoming, but it can reduce it, which is what I want.

To do this, I have fans that have 3 speeds, and I try to put the fan between where I am and where the noise is coming through the window, and can put it up on a chair to be even with the window. What noise gets through the closed window is reduced, and the weakened noise meets the fan sound waves and is further reduced.

And the fan can be increased to the 2nd or 3rd level. Sometimes the fan can become too loud and we can back up into another room and close the door. If I want to stay in the same room with the fan, I can try to put up a barrier between me and the fan such as a light board of some kind such as paneling, or a card board box or two, or a chair with a pillow and a blanket on it.

At my place, the heat/a.c. fan is always running to keep a slight sound wave effect always going for the unexpected.

Box fans have more volume, but plastic swival fans that stand on the floor or on a piece of furniture have a softer sound, especially on low, but they can be turned up to 2 or 3. So I would suggest at least one of each according to what's going on outside. I would also suggest a spare in case one of them goes out in the winter and they don't sell them anymore at the drug store.

And try to come up with a board, 6 feet by 6 feet is a guess, in case you need to get behind that. Perhaps put a blanket over it.

Over the head sound reducers (net or maybe Walmart gun department) can help, if you tire of the plugs. I like the silicon (bubblegum) plugs the best from the drugstore. So I would have both on hand.

Top level for me is, one fan by the window where sound is coming in, one fan by door I am behind, a third fan in the room where I am, plugs and over the head sound protectors.

If you get behind a door where the one or two fans are, the door can block the fan noise, even on high, and you can watch TV, rest or read a book without plugs or over the head protectors.

Karen, didn't know anybody else dealt with this softer sound from a fan blocking, or reducing, this more harsh sound situation.

Right now I'm fighting a sleep situation. Plus, I have a train on one side of my house where my bedroom use to be, and a bed I'm not sleeping well in on the other side of the house, away from the train.

Plus even with no train that night, I'm not sleeping very well and am thinking about upping my Melatonin from the heath food store. I got no sleep last night from 12 midnight to 6 a.m., finally got up at 6 a.m. to have breakfast, and from 7 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. today, finally got some sleep in the old bed and bedroom.

A high speed computer couldn't figure this out.

The pne anger which is harder to de-esculate is osychosis. But you can learn bu doing mental health first aide course. All other components are included. 2 day course. I did it. Excellent. HT

Four straight hours of sleep is fantastic. I was up and down all night. I am up a lot to use the bathroom as it is because of diabetes, but I had leg cramps last night too so it wasn't very restful. Hope to take a nap today to see if that helps.

I know though that I have slept for four hours straight and that was nice. I usually wake up every two hours.

I hope you have a good day and am glad that the melatonin increase helped. My husband takes 10mg tabs.

Hugs, Karen...

Here's what was happening with my sleep. I was getting about 4 hours sleep a night for about a week or two. I told my psy. and she thought hydroxyzine might help. On hydroxyzine I got no sleep.

Read SuperDan's recent (4-2-2020) post about health food pills helping with sleep on the "Why is it so hard getting Zanax" topic in this Anxiety forum.

The last two nights, I lowered one doctor pill I was taking from 1 mg. to 1/2; dropped the hydroxyzine; increased my Melatonin (1 mg.) health food pills from 2 to 4 at bedtime.

And last night, added a 5th Melatonin pill when I woke up some 3-4 hours later, so I would sleep longer, and I did. 8 hours sleep for the first time in months.

Dan's information really helped.

I didn't sleep the 4 hour night all at once. I have diabetes, and get up 5-6 times a night.

I also have the cramps, usually when I wake up in the morning. Have you tried Melatonin and some of the other health food pills Dan has recommended?

I hate to admit it, but I have to take Ativan for another health problem. When my sleep was disrupted some 2 weeks ago, I added a second 1/2 of 1 mg. Ativan, thinking it would help with sleep. It didn't. It made it worse.

So, I cut back to the original 1/2 of 1 mg. Ativan, and went from 2 (1 mg.) of Melatonin to 4 and slept about 4 hours the first night.

The 2nd night, last night, I added a 5th Melatonin at about 3 a.m. to help me sleep longer than the 4 fours, and it did. I slept 8 hours last night. You might cutting back on another pill (first consult doctor) and picking up on something like Melatonin. Have you thought of that? I think Ativan is where my cramps come from.