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Angry and depressed today

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Posted 3/29/2020 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
i woke up in a foul mood and just can't seem to shake it. i feel angry about not being able to go out. but i can take a drive just to get a change of scenery. anyway, i think the "stay at home order" is getting me down. which is ironic, as i like to stay at home a lot. i really think it is at least partly about wanting what i can't have.

i also had a dream that was troubling. in a way it was the same dream i have had before. i did write in my journal about it. probably doing some more writing today - not in my journal - would help me a lot.

i am also trying to quit smoking, and getting (almost) nowhere. i have a 12 step program to help with this, even if i feel it doesn't work most of the time.

finally, i need to say that my sister seems to love to play rap and hip hop music when she does chores. sometimes it doesn't bother me, but today it is driving me nuts! i think it is so presumptuous!

thanks for listening. feedback welcome.
Rich a/k/a/ Older Guy
Posted 3/29/2020 7:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hip hop music drives lots of people nuts, especially if they already feel irritated.

I like hip hop music. However, I don't listen to it much when I'm with other people that I know don't like that kind of music. I don't want it to annoy them.

Older Guy, have you asked your sister to maybe play some other kind of music that won't get on your nerves?
Posted 3/29/2020 8:57 PM (GMT 0)
good idea, Mike. i don't think she likes classical (which is my favorite), but i may try asking her to switch to pop (which is a lot easier on the nerves than hip hop). also, i have realized i can close the door to my room. in my family of origin it was sometimes difficult and sometimes impossible to establish boundaries, so i have been afraid to close my door, thinking it was going to be reacted to as aggressive (weird anxiety thinking). but now that i've done it a few times, i feel ok about doing it.
Posted 3/29/2020 10:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Rich,

I hate waking up irritated. The whole day will be off kilter. That is a day I should go back to bed. But none the less it still happens. I guess not every day is going to be good. So I just kind of try to go with the flow. Or stay to myself.

I have reoccurring dreams too. They aren't exactly the same but same scenario. And it is like a different life because sometimes I will pick up where I left off in the last one and I will realize it too. Really strange. The other night I dreamed I had a grizzly bear for a pet. I think I was worried about it wanting to bite or eat me. But that didn't happen.

I like music with a good beat when I am in the mood to do housework. Music is nice. But I don't really have anyone else her to annoy. I like most kinds of music other than progressive jazz. I am not a jazz fan. But if I am nervous or anything I like softer music. But for the most part I have music playing. Plus the television is on. That use to make me nervous but not anymore.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you Rich. Difficult days are the pits. I hope the end of your day was better.

Hugs, Karen....
Posted 3/29/2020 11:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen,
Thanks for your response. It's funny to me now how irritable I was this morning. I made sure I made my bed, took a shower, brushed my teeth and got dressed. That usually is a good start to the day for me. I also took a short drive today - good for new perspectives, and no chance of COVID transmission. So now I am doing well, doing some "art work" (just messing around with colored pencils, but it is soothing) and some writing.
Rich
Posted 3/30/2020 3:36 AM (GMT 0)
Proactive. Good stuff. HT.
Posted 3/30/2020 10:12 AM (GMT 0)
That's a good thing Rich. It sounds like you turned your day around. Something I am not good at. I do art too though I haven't done much in a long time. I love colored pencils. I am glad you found something you enjoyed doing.

Take care and hopefully today will be a good day.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/3/2020 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
Ahhh art, in any form is good for the soul!

open the heart, exercises the mind, some studies, I can remember where, read it years ago, before I agreed to attend art therapy for C-PTSD

The study I read was trying to prove that while doing art, relaxed, and mindful. Not caring if they are good or not. Just doing art for the sake of the experience, can release endorphins.

Interesting isn't ?

You do good self care!
Peace and strength
Trina
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