pretending to be someone I'm not

I feel like this is a secret of mine. That I can't let people see how introverted I am and what a home body I am or they will think I'm a loser or boring. So I make it sound like I go out. Even some of the people I am getting to know better this year, I am afraid of becoming too close to them or they might find out what I am really like. I'm afraid they'll decide that I'm boring and no longer be interested in me. Like I am starting to feel stressed out about this guy I have a crush on, because he's starting to get to know me better and he's very outgoing and I am not and I feel like he might think less or me or pity me or something if he realizes that I don't have very many friends and basically have no life.

Anyway I am tired of hiding who I am, but I don't know how to stop hiding, or if I should stop. It's just depressing that I am not like other people. It seems like everyone expects/wants me to be a certain way (outgoing) or else there is something wrong with me. One of my highschool friends from back home told me that I am "kind of a hermit/loner" (I forget which adjective she used). That comment really hurt me. I mean why does she care how I live my life? If she thinks it can be done better, she can go do it herself. I have stopped talking to her since then because I feel really uncomfrotable with her always asking me about my social life. I mean I am doing the best I can, ok? Sorry for not being miss social butterfly.

Well I guess that's all I have to say...just wondering if anyone else knows how I feel. I just wish I could be myself and be accepted for that, but I feel like I am not, by most people. I think this is the major source of my depression. Do you know what I mean?

Moonflower, I used to feel like a loner too and longed to be part of the outgoing crowd.  One way I got around this was by almost inviting myself along to events (or creating them - ie. ask someone to a movie, instead of waiting for them to ask me).  I used to always wait for other people to invite me places, or initiate social activities, but once I started to take the bull by the horns, my social life naturally expanded.  If someone mentioned an upcoming party, I would say "that sounds like fun" (or something similar) and more often than not I would get invited.  It did mean really stepping outside of my comfort zone, but in some ways it was a good challenge for my social anxiety.  It took a long time, but I realized that I am more "social" than I thought, and I'm not a bore after all.  I'm sure you have lots of interesting things to talk about, it's just hard to let it flow naturally.  It takes practice, like any other skill.  Some people will never be responsive, but I found that others were really responsive when I engaged them in conversation first.  It's almost as though putting others at ease first (because everyone feels awkward in social settings, some are just better at hiding it) made me feel more at ease, if that makes sense.  Anyway, I hope this helps you somehow!

Wow, I didn't expect so many replies...

It's nice to know some people out there are like me and know how I feel...sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who is like this! The reason I think that I'm just not very social is because I've always been a "loner" as a kid. My mom has told me that even when I was in kindergarden, I wouldn't play with the other kids very often. Apparantly I was happy playing by myself and left the other kids cuz I "didn't like what they were doing." So it's kinda discouraging when I see that this is just part of who I am...but at the same time, it's kinda cool to see how independent I am? I've always just done what I wanted to do...that is, everything except have too many friends :(. I somehow developed the bad habit of constantly comparing myself to other people. If I see someone who goes out a lot, I look at myself and think "wow I'm kind of a loser in comparison."

I'll read over everyone's suggestions again and try doing some of them...I have to make things better somehow!