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V-card, self-loathing and relationships

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Posted 4/17/2022 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
I feel like a hopeless case when it comes to love and/or sex. I am about to turn 31 and I've never kissed, still a virgin. I can tell how I got here but I don't know how to move on. I have a form of autism which makes it hard for me to relate to people. Gets my anxiety spiralling when I think how much of my life I've wasted.

I have this image in my head of my funeral being attended by childhood bullies and the kind of people who think "virgin" and "incel" are the the ultimate insult laughing at how I failed. I know that won't happen but I can't imagine women being interested in me now if they never have before.
Posted 4/17/2022 6:42 PM (GMT 0)
TimTam,

I feel your post is somewhat inappropriate. The use of your language and your categorizing women in such a way that they are either good or evil. People are individuals and should be thought of as so.

Just because you had a bad experience with a woman who used you doesn't make women either good or bad. And I am sorry you aren't interested in nice women (people).
Posted 4/17/2022 7:36 PM (GMT 0)
Anxious Meercat
I strongly suggest a therapist for Adults with Autism..
And a support group will help also.
Consider virtual. Good help comes this way now.
Posted 4/17/2022 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
I agree Karen. HT
Posted 4/18/2022 4:32 AM (GMT 0)
ACTUALLY I FIND IT OBHERENT, DISGUSTING AND VIAL WHAT TT SAID.
THIS IS INEXCUSABLE, ON THIS FORUM, OR JUST IN GENERAL.
AS A MAN I AM DISGUSTED, JUST AS ANY WOMAN WOULD BE. HT.
Posted 4/18/2022 11:51 AM (GMT 0)
My point is there is a lot of stuff about sexual interaction I don't understand. The basic birds and bees and the physical process is simple. The way people talk about it, mock others for it or lack of it, and the way it's treated like a contest has caused a lot of trouble with my self-esteem.

When I was a kid The 40-Year-Old Virgin was treated like Citizen Kane in my peer group. I wanted to be happy that I had any friends at all but the message was "get laid or you are miserable". Over time there was Elliott Rodger and the "incel" business.

Logically I know I have done nothing wrong, and that sex does not guarantee happiness and can even be the source of a great deal of misery. But it's hard to get my panicky monkey side to listen.
Posted 4/18/2022 8:05 PM (GMT 0)
It will happen when it is the right time when you find the right person. No need to panic.

Remember that this is a family friendly forum and members are as young as 14 on here. You maybe should find some books to read. Do you talk to a therapist? Your therapist might be somebody to ask.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/19/2022 9:54 AM (GMT 0)
Understood, Karen. Was trying to keep it as clean as possible, sorry if I messed it up. I remember once hearing a kid about 7 years old or so singing a very explicit song as I was walking in the park and it was horrifying to me. Big "why?" kinda moment.
Posted 4/19/2022 8:30 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for understanding Anxious Meerkat.

I think things are going to fall into place for you in time. You never know what a moment will bring.

Have a good day. Or what's left.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/21/2022 2:56 AM (GMT 0)
Anxious Meerkat..
I can understand how your self esteem directly effected. This can be corrected, you already know that! You reach out!

1 thing to remember. You know the realities of life
Ask questions. Do research from good sources. Not just reliable.

Here is a thought.
Make an appointment with you primary doctor..
Talk about how you feel how you want to socialize.
There may be a talk therapist or a support group of some kind, to help you journey through this process.
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