different perspectives please please

hi, not really sure if this is the right place to ask for advice as i dont suffer from depression just the fallout.  im not asking for a medical diagnosis just direction i suppose.  have been married for 13 years to a good man who suffers from depression but am about to throw in the towel because i cant cope with the blame i get.  the blame goes from saying that we never go out as a couple even though i have  made numerous attempts for us to go out etc and when we have it is me who arranged it, to saying that i should take some responsibility for a breakdown he had because i encouraged him to go to the doctors(he insists the tablets caused the breakdown).  when my husband is feeling positive he is the greatest bloke in my eyes but a small trigger sets him off and it then turns out i dont support him, dont hold his hand, dont do this or that. he has started about 10 different courses to improve his qualifications but not finished any of them, but even after everything i wanted to do has been put on hold i dont support.  he has no friends at all and i have looked at ideas with him to try and meet people but theres always an excuse. i will say that i have lost alot of the sympathy and am angry more because he wont do anything about the depression.  he works and functions and according to him that is him dealing with the depression.  we have actually been living apart for a few months and i am about to contact a solicitor.  even a friend who suffers from depression has spoken with him but it has made no difference at all.......his attitude is that his depression will always be there and there is nothing he can do about it, will not even speak to a doctor about going on meds as he is insistant they caused the breakdown.  (he even insisted that when the issues around seroxat came about that that answered all his questions.    they caused his breakdown, and even though i told him he hadnt been on them he wouldnt accept that until the doctor checked his records and confirmed what i had said)  though i still believe in his own mind he still blames them and that me and the doc were wrong.  almost it justifies the breakdown   not sure really what i want to hear just peoples thoughts really ......thanks

red09, i know this my sound really silly but i did check your suggestion and found a really good site already.  believe it or not i have been researching depression for a few years trying to understand to help my husband but had never found the depression fallout forum so i thank you immensly for that reply. 

saying that i would still love to hear other peoples perspectives on this, thanks

Hi Busy,  Welcome to Healing Well forum.  We are glad to help in any way we can. 

It is very difficult to be married to someone with depression who wont get help and denies that he even has it.  That must be very stressful for you.  You said that he had a breakdown, was he put in the hospital for this? or given a different diagnosis than depression?  You could be dealing with something much more complex than depression especially if he has had a "breakdown" as you describe it.  I agree that he does more than likely need medications, but as you know you cant force it on him.  Isolation from friends, denial, and anger can all be a part of it.  Pointing out to him the negative is not going to make it any better or encourage him to seek help.  I would suggest that you sit down and talk to him and tell him your feelings that you are seeking a divorce if he doesn't get medication and counseling for this.  You are already living apart so it may not make much of an impact on him.  I don't know hopefully someone will have some good insight and advice for you.

It is hard to tell but it could be a borderline personality disorder by the way you describe it.  I am not a doctor and dont know him but here is a link for you to look at and see if it sounds familiar to you.....

http://www.stanford.edu/~corelli/borderline.html

busy,  Yes I agree with what you are saying in regards to depression.  However, you do have to remember that each of us who are depressed have either went through a traumatic event in our lives, have had a bad home life/upbringing, or really just have a chemical in-balance in the brain.  To break it down in such a way would be impossible, as everyone of us feels depression and reacts to it in a different way.  This is why the psychiatric field has a randomized diagnostic system in determining depression.  Most of us do have much of the same symptoms of isolation, crying, irrational anger. 

I hope that you continue to find the answers that you are looking for.  You are always more than welcome to come here and seek any kind of help or ask questions.  We will help in anyway we can.....