Coping with severely ill DH

DH has diabetes, high blood pressure and one foot removed totally clogged arteries from waist down . Surgery to unclog major veins both sides. Too much for me to do the past few years it is overwhelming. Taking care of his needs has totally wiped me out physically and mentally. Constantly in and out of treatment hospitals surgeries…bla bla bla.,..Also Kidney failure and 3’s a week dialysis. It’s exhausting. This feels like punishment .

I have come here a few times over the years.
I love gettingby here …She is my friend , my support and a fantastic artist.
So here we are again sorting out how to cope with this life adjustment and change.

Nurses doctors have been a nightmare trying to get pain meds for DH when his feet and toes were black. That’s why his foot was removed. I am so sick of idiot doctors. I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl. I’m in my 70’s trying to stay focused. DH, still after all he’s been thru, does not change the bad habits of 30 years that put him where he is today.

To tell you the truth I am frightened angry, and exhausted. DH has no clue how this affects me …. fighting for his care, with doctors and him . DH has become so argumentative it’s scary. Huge temper. Doctors are no help when I asked for help.

I believe it’s up to the individual to take steps to prevent what happened medically in this case. Yet DH does not. With all the surgeries and pain he has been thru he has not learned from his past mistakes and falls into the same behavior patterns that created his poor health in the first place. NOT to mention worried about loosing everything due to medical bills .

So with all of life’s changes, the good years and bad, it’s always something. Nothing to looking foreword to…

Chotti

Post Edited (Chotti) : 9/18/2023 4:55:14 PM (GMT-8)

Hi again Chotti,

I don't think I have answers for you. Maybe some suggestions. Are there any things that you can do to get out of the house? Maybe a few minutes a day to yourself would help. It is difficult to watch somebody suffer and also to see them doing things to only make matters worse. I quit smoking over a year ago after an extended stay in the hospital. I was in and out for ten months due to gall stones, messed up bile duct and pancreatitis. It was horrible, and before that I dealt with breast cancer. So I knew it was time to try and get healthy. I hope your husband can realize he needs to get healthy. And I am sorry you are catching the brunt of it. You don't deserve that.

As I said, prayers for you, and hang in there the best you can.

Thinking of you...

Hugs, Karen...


PS I felt I could write a better post. Just found out I didn't put my antidepressants into my pill box this week. Hopefully I will feel better in a day or so.. Antidepressants seem to work fast for me. Hugs...

You'll get the bright light Chotti. Things will be getting better for you. I am sorry you can't transport your husband to the rehab. Can he find transportation? Taxi or a bus? That might not even be enough room for his leg.

Yes, one day at a time. It doesn't help with the nurses on strike. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I am feeling a lot better since my surgeries. What scared me was the necrotic pancreatitis. My blood sugars aren't good so they put me on yet another medication to get my body to make more insulin. I just hope it helps. I am feeling a lot better as far as my depression goes. I can't believe I didn't put the antidepressants into my pill box. It was brutal.

Things are going to get better for you. Does your DH still smoke? I am so glad I stopped. My husband still does and has problems with his legs at night. He has been chewing tobacco though trying to quit. The tobacco sure makes the money off the habit. And the medical from the problems it causes. Quite the racket.

Get some rest, one day (minute) at a time. You have always had a positive attitude, that does wonders.

Take care Chotti and thanks for the kind words you said about me. If you even need to email I would love it.

Hugs, Karen...

Hi Chotti,

I knew about the bupropion but not the other. I have tried it and tried Chantix. I ended up quitting cold turkey. Has your husband tried them? Or is he willing to try?

I wish he could see what he is doing to you. It is no fun watching somebody continue to suffer like he is. And taking care of someone like that isn't easy to say the least.

You are a strong woman Chotti. There is no doubt about that. But it isn't easy.

Hugs, Karen...

Quitting smoking is hard. I have a pack with six in it that I have had in my drawer for over a year. I imagine they are pretty stale. I still get cravings but I haven't smoked. The doctor had told me if I didn't quit, I would lose my toes. I pretty much quit after that when I kept having to go to the hospital. I did one stretch of 21 days when I got the pancreatitis. I couldn't even walk after a procedure.

My blood sugars are really high. They put me on a medication that is supposed to get my natural insulin working in my body. I have been on it a week. Nothing yet, it may have to be increased after two weeks. I can't even have a piece of fruit without it going up. I think that they should have put me on insulin. I used it for six months in 2018.

I am glad you quit 20 years ago. I still have nicotine lozenges in one of my purses. For some reason I couldn't tolerate the patches. It was like they were too strong.

I am sorry that your husband eats sweets. If he would just try to eat well and stop smoking he would feel so much better. He would be helping you also if he would take care of himself.

I hope you can enjoy the day. We are having some awesome weather here in Michigan. I need to get outside.

Take care Chotti,

Hugs, Karen...

Thanks Chotti.

I really enjoyed that video.

I love flowers...

Hugs, Karen...

Wow Chotti,

That is so awesome!!! I am glad you still have them. And I am glad you like them. It has been a while...

Just got up, I will write more later.

Hoping for a mild winter here too.

Hugs, Karen...

Fall has arrived here too Chotti. I had to drive to see my therapist yesterday and the colors were beautiful. It is a long drive but it was enjoyable.

We had a beautiful garden this year. Full of yummy vegetables. I didn't do any canning so we gave a lot away but have been eating vegetables every day.

I haven't been working on my art. I tried a couple of months ago to no avail. I just can't get in the mood. I framed dried flowers a couple of years ago. It was fun. I used birch bark for the background.

I am sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday. I forgot I had the appointment when I typed that in the morning.

Today I have to go to town and pick up prescriptions. I am starting a new med and I am excited about it. I have been low on energy and hopefully that will change. I take anastrozole for breast cancer I had in 2021 and it has made me tired, plus I get tired from the fibromyalgia. I have to take the anastrozole for five years. It also causes my hair to fall out.

I hope your day is good. And that the weather is nice.

Talk to you again...

Hugs, Karen...

You sure have a lot on your plate right now. I am so sorry your DH is living the way he is. No one should have to endure what you are going through. I would get an extra set of car keys made and keep them hidden. Hide your pills if you can. Put things where he can't reach. This just isn't fair to you.

Our garden is coming to an end. John picked the last batch of green beans yesterday. I will cook up and freeze if we don't eat them first. I have summer squash to cook today. The garden has been such a blessing this year. We have tomatoes coming out of our ears. lol... But they are so good. I have not canned in years. We have been giving the extras away to friends.

The colors are gorgeous right now. There is still a lot of green but that is how I like it. Contrast.

I am sorry that the doctors and nurses aren't helping you. Sounds so calloused. When I was in the hospital throughout the last year, I found the nurses to be so helpful. Kind and compassionate. I think I was lucky, I ended up in a learning hospital. It was far away though. Four hour drive each way which was hard. But it is over now so I am happy.

I hope you can get out now and then to help you feel better. I am saying prayers for you that the burden will get lighter for you. I know how hard it is. You have such a good attitude and that helps. You are an angel.

Hugs, Karen...