No light

Hello,

I guess I'm writing to get some feedback. Lately I feel more held back by my thoughts. In the morning I feel less motivation to get out of bed. My sleep is also not great and so the cycle continues. I do weekly therapy to hold myself accountable for things. Not really sure why I do therapy actually. I guess it seemed like a good idea since I don't have much support at home, but I get criticized for that also. My thoughts about myself are very critical. I get stuck in thought loops/worst case scenarios.
I wonder if I'm really holding myself back by not trying medication again. I have a diagnosis of Major Depression/Panic.

Thank you. Maybe I'll give it (medication) a chance again.
Today I feel so "what is the point?". Empty...I have tried to keep some sort of structure to my life but through the years it's vanished. I still try to walk, and get sun, but day to day I feel the nothingness. I have alot of reasons to be happy, but I find it very hard to connect with the things that did make me happy. Id rather just not reach out all to anyone. Relationships that used to flow and motivate me are strained and I feel almost robot like. People have long gone and moved on with their lives and had families and meaningful careers. I'm stuck.
I tried to do something new by pet sitting. It's some extra cash, but the night before I have to do it, I become stressed. It feels like an insurmountable task. Ill probably continue to do it for now though. I do feel grateful that someone is asking me to do something. I can't feel much joy.
These are the things I'm trying. I go to therapy but my inner critic is so harsh most days.
I only really try (or maybe that's all I can do) to get a dinner done or some laundry so I don't add to the lazy bum narrative that is going in my head most of the time. Also, if I stopped doing everything, how would that look?
I try and monitor my thoughts but it's hard some days. It's hard to live like this.
I think alot about all the dreams I had for my life, having kids and some sort of purpose but I'm afraid too much time has passed. Anyway, maybe I just need a change of perspective. Thanks for listening.

Hi,
I was diagnosed over 20 years ago in my early 30s with anxiety/depression. I actually was depressed as a teen and it manifested after traumatic events, to make me extremely anxious as well. I did counciling for awhile and tried a couple of antidepressants until I found one that worked. After being in a fog for 6 weeks the fog lifted and I had never felt better. The negative thoughts diminished and my family and husband noticed a huge change in me for the better.

Some people struggle with the right medication, or they stop working etc. I have a niece who has tried several treatments including psychiatrists and has constantly switched them up to find what works. There is a noticeable change for the better in her. Her dogs keep her happy and busy, and do not judge. They just love.

I went off my meds once because I thought I didn't need them. I quickly went back on after I went back to my old thoughts, and because my family told me to. Now it's been 20 years and I will takethem forever.

Take care...Sassy

Thank you for sharing Sassy and Karen. I appreciate the information. I'll let you know what happens.

Labelle