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Posted 6/4/2006 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
 Hello. It's been awhile since I have been here.  I have crohn's disease and the depression that comes with it. The medication for the crohn's does not help.

I am also recovering from a major surgery and just came down with strep throat. Which is probably putting back into a flare. [I'm hoping not]

My big problem right now seems to be depression.  I have had to fight to get diagnosed.  It's like that for most crohn's patients so I'm not alone in that.  My family is so not helping. It's put my marriage on the rocks and has terrified my 3 children. Last night my father actually told me that the crohn's was my own fault and that if I did something with my life I wouldn't be troubled with it. I can't describe how that made me feel.  They refuse to learn anything about this diease.  They look at me as if I have soiled there good genes and would rather not have to deal with me.  He even told my children that it was all in my head.

I just feel like I have been kicked and I just can't get up. I was hoping that maybe someone could give me some advice.  It'll be another week before I get to see a counselor.

 THANK YOU

    RJ

Posted 6/4/2006 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
I am really sorry that this has happened.  I can't excuse it.  I remember when my dad had cancer and he was treated with chemotherapy so his hair began to fall out and one morning he showed the hair on his pillow to me.  I said "Dad, everyone's hair falls out.  Look at mine on this hairbrush."  Of course, he went on to become completely bald.( It grew back later)  I feel guilty about this to this day and can only say that what you are scared of you try to pretend doesn't exist.

Posted 6/4/2006 7:11 PM (GMT 0)
Dear RJ,

I'm so sorry to hear you are hurting so, and even lacking the support that you do, in fact, need desperately. If I were in your shoes, my first course of action would be to phone my primary care physician and explain the situation. I am not familiar with Crohn's, but it does seem that your doctor could at least get you started on an anti-depressant medication to take off the edge; this will also help you achieve the goals that you will be reaching for when you do get in to see the therapist.

Medication is a very helpful tool in conjunction with the therapy; and, of course, you have a lot of work to do for yourself and some self-help will prove beneficial. The medication will help you find the strength you need to get the most out of the therapy.

Before you go to therapy, write down what is bothering you and what your goals are. That way, you will not waste unnecessary time and/or monies solely on talk therapy that only provides relief during that hour you are in there .... you will need applications for daily living. There is also a lot of helpful information in the Panic-Anxiety forum; many of the folks in there have been through the same, and have some very good information posted that has proven helpful.

The therapist can also be very helpful in gaining the understanding from family that you not only need, but also deserve so that you can have an effective recovery and/or relief without such an extended timeline to reach that better place. It is very difficult when support is lacking and you feel so isolated and alone; been there, and so sorry to hear that you are now.

(((Hugs))) and many prayers for you and your family.

~ Cindy

P.S.  Meanwhile, try to pamper yourself and look into some relaxation therapies and techniques that are individually suitable for you.  Also bear in mind that it can take up to six weeks for the various anti-depressant meds to kick in to full capacity.  However, in some cases it is only a matter of days; I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.  My only remaining suggestion is to try hard to relax and be patient until help arrives from the doctor and/or therapist.

Posted 6/4/2006 10:13 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much for writing me back.It has made me feel better. Part of my problem is getting a doctor to see me. I go through this all of the time so in away I am used to it. I started calling around to each of my docs. on friday. Each tell me to call te next till finally one gets tired of the game and tells me to go to the walk-docs. These doc.s have told me on three different occasions that they don't want me back because my diaese and meds. are above them. The real danger for me is that I am on immuran [ immunesuppresent drug]. This is cutting my immune systom in half. Infections for me are highly dangerous. You would think the doc who perscribed it would want to see me right? NO. I ended up calling the pharmasists[sp] to see if it was O.K to take penicillan on my meds. I had some old ones here so that is what I have been doing. They don't seem to help. I should be better by now. The kicker is my husbands normal with no recovering from surgery and his doc saw him that morining. He was diagnosed and treated. He feels great right now. He just rolls his eyes at me as if he bored. He doesn't care what could happen to me.
You'r advice is really smart and will help get me doing something. I just don't know how long I can let him treat me this way. I never knew I could be this miserable. I have no one to turn to. I thought I had gotten used to being alone. I feel almost cursed in away.
Thank you any how. Anymore info would be appreicated
rj
Posted 6/5/2006 12:11 PM (GMT 0)
Dear RJ,

Do you have a primary care physician? Sounds strange that nobody will help you out by phoning in a simple script for an anti-depressant medication. I do understand that you have other conditions, but multitudes of other people do and they are not denied this relief. I'm only a layperson, but certainly not understanding how an anti-depressant med would impede or impact your conditions or other meds in a negative way; there is a huge number of anti-depressant meds available.

I'm sorry I don't have more to help you with; I'm not understanding why your doctors are turning you away just because you have multiple things going on ... all the more reason you need to be seen and treated! Keep making those calls. If you don't have any luck, however, you may have to practice patience (excruciating, I know) until you see that therapist. The therapist should be able to guide you to proper medical care, evaluate, and see that you get what you need. They keep lists there in their office specifically for this purpose.

I'm very sorry that you are still not getting support today, but I have been thinking of you so I hope you don't feel so alone. It hurts a lot to feel abandoned and alone and you already have plenty enough on your plate!!

(((Huge hugs))) and many prayers for you!!

~ Cindy
Posted 6/5/2006 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Redjeep,  I understand perfectly how it feels when you have a spouse who is unsupportive when your ill.  When I was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and having to go through all the doctor appointments my husband never went with me.  I was admitted on two occassions to the hospital 35 miles away from where we live to get Sol-Medrol Infusions, was in the hosp for 5 days each time and neither time did he come to visit me.  I am blessed that I have a wonderful mother who is very supportive and was there for me everyday and continues to be there for me.  But after several years of this type of treatment from my husband and his disdain over my having to take medications and the impact it had on HIS life, I finally snapped.  My depression was at an all time high and if I didnt leave I feared I would harm myself.  Only then did he try to make an effort to learn anything about what I was going through in an attempt to make me come back.  Unfortunately, by this time our relationship in my eyes had broken down so far that I refused to go to counseling with him, and just wanted a divorce and to be done with it.  Mind you I grew up in a very strict catholic home and divorce is a sin and very much against my personal beliefs.  We have been divorced now for almost 2 years and have been able to form a friendship with each other, which is good I think but still I regret that I let things get as bad as they did as I believe now that my marriage could of been saved.  You are doing the right thing by getting into a counselor, perhaps when you go ask if they can suggest a psychiatrist that you can see.  Psychiatrists can prescribe antidepressants and monitor them and the dosing while you are in therapy with the counselor, also they are most current on the best treatments.  This way you wont have to worry about going through your family doctor for it.  Then you may want to consider having your husband join you in your therapy sessions.  Fact is that someone who is not dealing with a chronic illness as you are is not going to understand it, he needs to learn how to become more sympathetic to your feelings and needs.  I dont know what to say about your father except that I would recommend that if he does spend time with your children you may want to sit down with him and tell him that you wont tolerate him taking negatively about you to them.  That is not exceptable and he as a grandparent should not be exposing your children to this.  Especially if he wants to continue to have a relationship with them and you.  I didnt intend to write a book here and ramble on....Please do keep posting.  Take care
Posted 6/5/2006 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Cindy, thank you so much for careing. I think you miss understood me. I have plenty of anti-deppressiants. They have me on welbutron and remeron. I take Ativan for anxiety. Having meds is not my problem. My problem is that I can't get anyone to see me for the strep. The immuran is a chemotherapy drug. One given to patients who resieve like a new kidney and they are preventing rejection. This drug has made it so that infection is now my big medical concern. I have to stop something is going on with my computer. I'll try to finish explaining in a bit.
rj
Posted 6/5/2006 5:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Redjeep, I have crohns and depression too. And a couple of other problems but I won't go into that. I wanted to tell you that I know how you feel. My mother won't do any reading about crohns. I keep telling her stuff that I can't eat, such as popcorn and nuts. And every year for christmas I get a big tin of popcorn and bags of nuts. She keeps telling me to try fad diets of foods that I can't eat. She was convinced I had celiac disease and to shut her up about it I had my gi check me for it. I don't have it so at least she'll drop it now. My last visit with my parents I was pretty sick and came out of the bathroom not looking too well. My father looks and me with disgust and says "oh come on, it can't be that bad". I guess he thinks I just poop alot, not that it makes me so sick. They really don't have a clue as to what I go thru. Anyway, I gave up on them and I get support from my friends and my cats, not my family. Afterall, you can't pick your family, only your friends. It is a sad feeling though when you are in that situation. Please know your not alone.

Are your children old enough to understand crohns? I would be open and honest with them about it and to heck with what grandpa says (he wasn't thinking when he said that).

I am thinking about trying Imuran. I was getting pretty sick but the past couple of weeks have been slightly better so I'm putting off starting immune supressants. I would see a general (internal med) doctor for the strep throat. I hope you are feeling better soon.
Posted 6/6/2006 3:58 PM (GMT 0)
O.k. I am going to try this one more time.  Got the computor straight I thought. Spent the last 10 minutes trying to respond and then it erased everything I just wrote. So if it submitted my first draft and you are reading this I am sorry.

Like I was saying I am on plenty of meds right now for depression [welbutron,remeron and ativan]. They say that it'll take up to a month for the first two to start working. So I'm waiting. The ativan is taken only when needed and works great. There is a certain amount of depression the immuran will put you in just by its nature. Then there is dealing with a diaese that has chronic pain with it. That alone is enough to be depressed about. There is the after surgery down thing that I was warned about. So I am clearly depressed.  At least I can admit to it. I have spent the year fighting for good health so it is not that kind of depression.  I have a real desire to live life to its fullest. Just having a hard time not being so negative all the time.

I figured out my husbands problem. I didn't mean to make him sound like he was not there for me.  He has been by my side through everything. But when things get bad and he is at a loss as to what to do he sort of takes it out on the person he is protecting.  My children went through a similar stage a few months ago. After an emergancy trip to the hospital that was truely scarery I can home to children that were just so angry with me. They would not even speack to me. This was something they couldn't control so wanted to blame me. Some counseling and anger managment classes helped a whole lot. And I had to learn that they are as tired of living with this as I am.  I think my husband goes through the samething and does not realize that he is taking it out on me.

I have to go but may be you can understand my gibberish.

rj

Posted 6/6/2006 6:30 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for clarifying that Redjeep.  I am glad to know that you do have some support in your husband that is important as I am sure that with Crohn's disease that you will have a long road ahead of you.  Also, you are correct that it will take some time for the your medication to reach its full effect where you wont be feeling as depressed all the time.  I dont know much about Crohn's disease but I do know that the medication treatments you have to endure are very harsh on your system and this can take quite a toll as it the same with much of the treatments with Multiple Sclerosis.  Perhaps some continued family counseling would help.  It sounds as if by your first post to this thread that you recently received your diagnosis?  If I am wrong please do correct me.  But if so then usually after the first few months of diagnosis it is a shock and your still operating on doctor mode, as you said fighting for diagnosis and most likely multiple appointments.  After a while it does settle down and with your positive attitude it is going to help so much more.  We are always here for you...Take care
Posted 6/6/2006 9:34 PM (GMT 0)
Red Jeep,

As a fellow crohnie, I can relate to much of what you have said. Getting into talk therapy was the best thing for me. Anti-d meds alone did not quite cut it. It takes time, alot of hard work on your part, and faith but it does get better. I am testimony of that. First and foremost I would remind you that this disease is not your fault and part of the hard work I refer to is reprogramming so you no longer feel like a victim to this disease. It can be done, as I told you earlier, I am proof of that. Sure, there are still bad days, but they are only that, just one bad day. I might have several bad days in a row, but I work hard at not defining who I am or how I feel by these brief periods of time. Again, it is hard work on my part to do so. While I can never say I have walked where you have walked, I can tell you that I am in the process of divorce after 22 yrs of marriage. Another casualty of this disease. Even though there is a raging storm in my lifee right now, I am facing it calmly and feel peace knowing and accepting only my role and responsibilities in my failed marriage. It is too easy to pick up the garbage everyone else throws at us such as your father did you. I still find myself doing so, and when I do, I make a concentrated effort to tell myself that it is their issue, not mine, and try to let it go. I wasn't very good at it at first, but have gotten better as time has gone on. It really is about me taking control of my perspective on life, and not giving over the power of my emotions to someone else. I choose to act rather than react to circumstances around me. Please don't feel as if I am preaching. I am only letting you know what has worked for me and hope that in some small way it can help you.
Posted 6/8/2006 1:42 PM (GMT 0)
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When I was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and having to go through all the doctor appointments my husband never went with me. I was admitted on two occassions to the hospital 35 miles away from where we live to get Sol-Medrol Infusions, was in the hosp for 5 days each time and neither time did he come to visit me
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els, I can't beleave your husbend would do such a thing, that is insane......

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My depression was at an all time high and if I didnt leave I feared I would harm myself. Only then did he try to make an effort to learn anything about what I was going through in an attempt to make me come back. Unfortunately, by this time our relationship in my eyes had broken down so far that I refused to go to counseling with him, and just wanted a divorce and to be done with it..
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els, good job on the divorce, i hope you can get over it and move on with life.
Posted 6/9/2006 3:41 PM (GMT 0)
Thank You Akram,  I am pretty much over it.  It does make me angry at times still and of course I get sad as I was raised strick catholic and didnt believe in divorce and still dont really.  But in the end it did open my eyes to what I will and wont tolerate in a relationship.
Posted 6/9/2006 5:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Redjeep,

So sorry it's taken so long for my reply! Glad to hear you are on the meds ... it does take awhile for them to kick in. Hopefully, you'll feel better emotionally soon.

As for the strep, I'm concerned that you aren't being seen/treated for that (given the considerations that the Imuran pose as well); I suspect you do have a PCP? I would push for care, perhaps the staff is not understanding all of the details when you phone in and explain; I have that problem often, the staff is not very familiar with various conditions/situations of the patients and you really have to spell it out for them. It seems they would consider taking you off of the Imuran temporarily, and/or using something else until this is resolved. I'm hoping that by today, you have been seen or this has been addressed by your doctors.

Yes, the chronic pain is plenty enough to be depressed about! Hopefully the meds will help with that when they get into your system ... and I hope they are beginning to take effect by today. Some take longer than others; from days to several weeks (typically up to six weeks).

I'm very happy to hear that things have worked out with your spouse/family, that means a lot. I have blown up at times as well, luckily hubby knows it's only because I'm at my wits end and is not about him at all. Glad you have that all-important support as well. Take care and keep posting.

(((Hugs)))

: )

~ Cindy
Posted 6/9/2006 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
Redjeep,

One more thing, the information in this link has proven helpful to multitudes of individuals and their families:

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=452747

I composed this Summary for myself based on the workbook; you will find the information in a post that follows on the workbook itself. It helped me tremendously, so I composed that Summary to have on hand after completing the book. There are excellent evaluation tools, self-help & relaxation techniques, cognitive training, challenging your thoughts, etc., etc. It goes on and on. There is nobody, not even so-called "normal" people that would not benefit by this.

Best of luck to you!!

: )

~ Cindy
Posted 6/10/2006 1:16 PM (GMT 0)
yeah  Hi my name is Krista, I truly understand what you are going through, I've been putting up with it for years.I was diagnosed with m.s. 10 years ago now and my husband at the time couldn't deal with it, his response was take your meds and you'll be alright. Needless to say after his cheating on me and no emotional support I divorced him in 2001. But pertaomg tp family I thought if I'd move back home to Ohio. I'd get the support I needed. But it didn't quite work ot that way. My parents are still in denial about the m.s. and now I have severe depression and osteoporosis on top of that , Isn't it funny how they all dissapere when you need them the most. All I get from them is we don't have enough money to help you.I never wanted their money, just their love and emotional support. But I've finally come to the conclusion that some people just don'd have it to offer,no matter how bad we need it. This site has helped me greatly, at least we are here for each other. I wish you the best and you know you always have all of us. Lots of love , hang in there, Krista
Posted 6/12/2006 3:43 PM (GMT 0)
WOW I was able to find my post and there was a bunch of new respones. I am overwelmed with you' kindness and taking so much of you'r time to help me.
I do know the "just take you'r meds. and you'll be o.k. thing" My husband is having a hard time not just dealing with me but All the added stresses in life that I used to take care of. He's having to pull double dutey I guess you could say.
Finding a way to deal with this proving not so hard at least today. I light candles. MY husband Jokes that he can tell how my day has gone by counting the amount of lit candles. Sounds crazy right? But it sooths me for some reason.
thank you again
rj
Posted 6/12/2006 6:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Redjeep,

I am a Chronie, too. I also have Chronic Pancreatitis.

I think I understand your concerns with the Chron's, meds, and Strep. You are taking the Immunosupresent drug Immuron to keep your body's immune system from fighting in your digestive system (Crohn's Disease). So because your immune system is supressed (due to Immuron) Strep has stepped in and is unchecked by your supressed immune system. Other doctors are not willing to step in and give you meds to boost your immune system to fight the Strep because it would interfere with the immuron and its job. Is this correct?

So no one wants to see you in case there might be a conflict between the immunosupressing meds and an antibiotic kick in the immune system. That is a delemma! It would need to be a doctor who is highly used to immunosupressing drugs. Try contacting your insurance company to see if they have a doc on board who is specializing in immuno suppresing drugs. I wonder if that will help????

Meanwhile, maybe having your husband go to doctor's appointments so that he can clearly understand what is happening in your body will help him know better how to deal and help you. Sometimes, my help is just an understanding, "I know." or a hug. We don't expect our spouses to hand down a miracle.

Try telling your father that there is some knowledge that Chron's Disease is partially due to genetics! But certainly, it is not your fault that your body has decided to fight against its own digestive system! It is an autoimmune problem. That is what happens in Crohn's Disease! Much like RA! That is why immunosuppresent drugs work on Chron's and RA.So it is not your own fault! Explain it to your children.

God bless you and stay well,

Madelyn (I usually post on the Chron's board.)

 

Posted 6/13/2006 12:43 PM (GMT 0)
Madenlyn, I post on the chron's board as well. I have tried coming at this diaese from every angle. But have ingnored the emotional side of it. I have focased on how everyone else is feeling and coping but I failed I think to see how I'm handleing it. Until recently I didn't see how depressed I have become. And there is really no one I can put that on but me. I would find things to blame my mood on. Actually I have a list of stuff I could use as a blame. That way I could ignore the real issue. ME.
You are right the drug immuran Subpresses the immune system. Getting strep like that right after surgery is a whammie. I am still some what down because of it. They did say it just takes me a little longer to heal than most. One big problem right now is that I am still on the antibiotic and it's causing flare like symptoms. My GI is not going to say I am in a flare till the med is finished. My blood work is coming back great.!
I have a lot of anxiety just being on this drug. But the welbutron and the remmeron[sp] is trying to help. The biggest help I get from the ativan and the nausua meds..
I have a bad reaction to like morphine for instance and can't take coydiene anymore makes me itcy, anxieous, and I can't sleep. So I have pain meds and can't use them. I have not said anything cause I hate asking. Won't till it's real bad.
No doctor wants me in there office except the GI I have.I get the feeling that they are all afraid of me. I asked the GI this and he laughed and said probably so. There is just so many different things this diaese can attack depending on the day.
My husband goes to every Appt. [I know I am very lucky in that] My quiet way of getting what I want I find that Docs. have an easier time talking to me if it's through him. HA HA! My joke on them yep! but it works!
I know you'r right about my dad but he's a touchy one. He is one of those people that doesn't know how to handel their feelings so they end up taking it out on a loved one [usually the one thats causing his frustration] An example is a hunting dog he owned and loved with all his heaart. But when she began getting old and it was only a matter of time [and my father couldn't control the sistuation] He turned on her and was mean as apposed to being caring. To this day he can either get misty or mad at the mention of her name. I know he loves me but I'm feeling a little like that dog when I am around him. She was still loyal till then no matter what so will I be I just don't like him very much right now!
Hope to see you on the crohn's board
Cindy thanks for the link.
rj
Posted 6/13/2006 6:32 PM (GMT 0)

Most people who suffer chronic pain will inherit some depression as well. It is almost like a side effect! Anyway, it is understandable. Have you spoken to your GI about this and how it is affecting your life? Even with the Welbutron, it is still affecting you? I wonder if a change in medication would help, or perhaps you have already done this. I always thought that antibiotics helps a flare as it is keeping in check whatever infection might be causing inflamation in the digestive tract. Are you taking meds (like 5 ASA type) to keep the inflamation down? It seems to help me. I get the feeling that they did not work on you and that is why you are on Immuron.

Remember, at this point, you need to take care of you and find/get what you need to stay well. That is so important.

I am so glad that your husband goes to appointments with you! Something will sink in. Maybe it already has but he doesn't know how to express it. Your father is a different story. I picture this, the next time he gives you a hard time about your sickness, give him a big hug and say, "I love yu, Daddy!" and see what he does. I don't know if this would work or not. I know if it was me, and my daughter threw her arms around me and said, "I love you, Mommy." my heart would melt. I guess that would be the same as the wag of the tail!

Anyway, I will see you on the Crohn's forum! Or maybe here!

God bless and stay well,

Madelyn

Posted 6/14/2006 1:43 AM (GMT 0)
HEY Thats kind of what I am thinking. I see my counselor tomorrw so I hopefully will get alot of answered. I'll let you know how it goes.
rj
Posted 6/14/2006 1:53 AM (GMT 0)

Hi RJ,

I'll keep you in my prayers for a good session tomorrow! Do let me know how things go! I will be thinking about you!

God bless and stay well,

Madelyn

Posted 6/16/2006 1:57 PM (GMT 0)
Had my session and may have already mentioned on another post do if you'r reading the twice sorry. I'm new at the "shrink thing. [and I mean shrink in a good way just can't spell phycitrists see am I right?] I was a little let down. I thought that and hour was the amount of time I was giving but it was only 30 minutes. By the time we said hello 10 minutes was used up. Now just 20 minutes left. The minutes were used up going over meds. again. Where it the part when you actually talk about the depression. I might not understand how this works but isn't it like the whole couch thing. Where you lay down and they talk to you about you'r problems. I don't have many to talk about but I'd like to talk about coping with crhonic diaese and pain.
My depression I'm feeling seems wierd in itelf. I am really just tired. I don't hate my life. I'm not feeling negeative.
I have no intrest in not living life just the oppoiste I want to be out there getting stuff done. Everything is just blah blah.
Anyone can relate?
rj
Posted 6/16/2006 3:11 PM (GMT 0)

Hi RJ,

I am sorry this first session turned out to be unbeneficial to you. I hope your next session will be able to be about you and your feelings. If you find no benefit from this psychiatrist (hey! I checked out the spelling!), you can always change doctors. My daughter sees a counselor for an hour each session. She sees him once a month (it used to be weekly, so I guess it is helping her.) I only ask from her if she had a good session, I never pry into her sessions as I want her to have all the privacy she needs. So I can't report on couch-no couch-what is discussed, only that she goes.

I am with you, I don't hate living, I just wish I had more living to do! I don't like this chronic daily pain and nausea (I have both Chron's Disease and Chronic Pancreatitis) and so the moment I feel I can, I get up, showered, dressed for a great time and go! (I will be going to Santa Nella today with friends and am so excited!) I usually don't stay out too long, only as I see fit, but getting out even for an hour or two is great for my psyche! I notice I feel better just because I got to go out.

I will continue to think about you and pray that things will brighten up for you. I hope this psychiatrist will be helpful to you.

Keep your chin up and your foot forward. You will find better days, I am sure of it!

God bless and stay well,

Madelyn

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