Friend or foe?

hey every1.

My best friend, whom ive known for years, went to school with, went to the same therapist and previously lived with. Im not sure if she is good to have around anymore.

Its one of those can live with, cant live with out things.

she is soo gd to me, she listens, she cares, and she loves me.  weve done everything togeather, weve been everywere togeather, we have the same wacky sence of humor. and she understands me.  On the other hand, she can be very hurtful somtimes ( she is depressed too) but i know that she says some of these hurtful things to make herself feel better. so i just let it go.

I have low self confidence, so does she.  but the last thing i need is to have the small bit of confidence that i have..knocked!

When i come away from seeing her im always slightly inoyed that shes doin it, but i dont like being away from her.

 what should i do?

thanks soo much. that really helped. j xx

I always think that honesty is the best policy and when she says something hurtful, maybe you could reply in a gentle way.."right now, I am not feeling my best, and when you say something like that to me, it really hurts my feelings and makes me feel bad about myself". That way, you would not be blaming her or pointing the finger at her..or even hurting her feelings and making her become defensive.. basically you are just stating in a nice and postive way, your feelings about her comments. Your feelings are important and so are the boundaries of your relationship with your friend, and she is crossing the boundaries by hurtful comments, whether intentional or not. Even when one is depressed, it does not excuse them from being hurtful. Everyone has a right to be treated with respect and dignity and that is your right. If she chooses to continue with saying hurtful things to you..I would seriously consider, if this is a friend you want to continue your relathionship with. Then I would consider, what it might be about you (and perhaps unresolved issues from your childhood) things that attract you to her and her negative treatment. For example, In my early childhood, I was very neglected by my mother, and mostly ignored and left alone for long periods..In my adult years...I tend to attract people who treat me the way my Mother did..whether it is girlfriends or relationships with men. I think it may be a deap seated desire to change them..even though...what I am really trying to do is change the way my Mother treated me (even though she is deceased now).

Judi,  I agree with Rianna in that you need to communicate with your friend straight off the bat when she starts to do this behavior.  If it is hurtful to you then you need to correct it and not ignore it.  All it will do if you ignore it is cause resentment and eventually anger toward her and I am sure you don't want that.  You say that she is depressed too and says these things to you to make herself feel better?  Perhaps these are comments she doesn't realize are hurtful to you? (hopefully, I don't know), but I would find it hard to stay friends with someone who intentionally says mean things to me to make themselves feel better.  You need to find the resolve within yourself to tell her the next time she makes a untoward comment, that she is being hurtful and how it makes you feel.  Maybe you can have a conversation with her regarding it so she does know not to say these things to you.  There are boundaries in every relationship, and it is obvious that she has crossed hers.