I am someone who has battled with depression for most of my life. Right now I am on wellbutrin and celexa. I am seeing a new therapist that I started before I went into the hospital. I hit rock bottom while in the hospital and had I the opportunity, I would have tried to take my life. When I came out, I was in a better place and thought I was going to be fine. My problem with this particular episode of depression, is that it is not like any I have experienced before. This time I started cutting, I have doing a lot of shaking and I am at constant battle to quiet my mind. Yes I know lots of ways to help myself, they just aren't working as well as they have in the past. I rarely needed xanax in the past and now I seem to need it at least once a day. My mood shifts can be swift or creep up on me.
My therapist thinks I am a good student and very knowledgeable of depression. I have been told I am wise. When I have full control of my thoughts I can be of great help to others. I'm a problem solver for everyone else. I just am not good at taking my own advise or at taking care of myself. But in the past I could tell you the source of my depression or what was a trigger. For the first time I have no answers. That's what scares me.