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Posted 7/29/2006 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
My brother was suppose to go to therapy yesterday, He decided he did not need it.  Let's see, his house is a mess again(just guessing) He is about to lose his house, and he drinks everyday.

But He decides he does not need to go.  I am going to ask him can I keep his son during the week to get him through high school.  I am going to try and put the son in therapy, I understand that I will have to lie to do this, considering I am not his legal caretaker.  But I need to get this kid out of High School.

I am going to ask can the therapist come to the house and speak with him?  I am lost now! I am also mad as hell at my brother.  But I still understand. 

Posted 7/29/2006 4:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Zorna,

It's so hard to help someone who doesn't want to to be helped or doesn't think they need to be helped. My step-brother is an alcoholic, bi-polar and was heavily involved with drugs when he was younger. He has never had a stable job, his flat is always a mess and he sees no reason why he should get help as he is happy how it is. The family just doesn't know what to do anymore with it all. W have tried and failed.
I can see your worry with your brother as there is a child involved so this is very important. A child needs stability I agree but you need to be very careful the way you go about it with not being his legal caretaker. I can really understand you feeling lost as its so hard to get through to someone who thinks they don't need help.
I hope you manage to get through to your brother that he does need help.
Take care zorna,

Victoria
Posted 7/29/2006 4:56 PM (GMT 0)
Zorna.
It may be that you need to try and get legal custody so that you can get the kid help legally. The last thing he needs is to lose you cuz you went behind his dad's back. Have you thought about Al-anon?
I know you are wanting to help, but lying isn't the way to go...I do understand your frustration and fear though...I have a niece that has thrown her life into the trash and we're unable to help her.
All the best to you and your nephew!
janet
Posted 7/29/2006 6:25 PM (GMT 0)
Just to wish you all the best at this trying time hun. Hope things work out for you xxxx
Posted 7/30/2006 2:53 PM (GMT 0)
Zorna, I am sorry about your brother...I understand how frustrating that is for you and the helpless feeling that your facing.  I agree with atedogs that he most likely isn’t going to get help until he feels he is ready or until something tragic happens to make him face what he is doing to himself and his family.  Alcohol and depression are a terrible mix and it is extremely difficult to try to encourage or get the person into treatment or counseling.  Please keep us updated and know that we are always here for you.  You and your family are in my thoughts...
Posted 7/30/2006 10:33 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Family,
Thank you for your love and support. After much consideration I decided to ask the therapist could they come to the house. My nephew will be 16 in September. He does not want to leave his father, thinking that he could help in case anything happens. Also, will my brother go into a deeper depression with the lost of his son? I am so lost now. Believe me all your advice matters to me. You give me things I have not thought about. And maybe losing his house will be rock bottom for him. Maybe. Again I appreciate you being here for me when I know you have your own issues. I promise to keep in touch.
Posted 8/3/2006 7:48 PM (GMT 0)
As painful as it is sometimes we need to realize the difference between what we can do something about and what we can't. You can't help your brother. He is making his own decisions and is responsible for them. Try to concentrate on your nephew. He needs an adult who can support him and you still have time to help him through high school.

Good Luck.
Posted 8/3/2006 10:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hi zorna,

It is a tough one you are going through. I can understand your nephew wanting to stay. My mother was an alcoholic and I was too scared to leave her as I felt somone should be there to look after her. Looking back, it wasn't my responsibility- I was a child. Your nephew needs help, its a lot for a 15 year old to deal with.
Your brother can only be helped when he is willing to accept help. Its very difficult and its hard for you to know what is the right thing to do, I know.

I hope you manage to work something out.
Take care and keep supporting your nephew, he will appreciate it

Victoria
Posted 8/4/2006 3:56 AM (GMT 0)
Sometimes you just have to sit back and wait until they hit rock bottom. As hard as that is, you can't make him get help. Ultimately he has to want help and there's nothing you can do but be there when he falls.
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