Feeling Stuck and Losing Hope

Hi Everyone.....I come here, like most others with a lot on my mind.  I'm frustrated with so many things in my life right now.  I was going into the anxiety room quite a bit, but now it lately I'm more depressed.  Depressed because I feel so stuck in my life.  I try or I should say I want to make changes, either get another job or go back to school, but fear keeps me immobilized.  I go round and round with different ideas in my head for ways to deal with situations in my life, but I don't take action.  I ruminate, contemplate, etc, and it just leads to more frustrations.  I'm also dealing with being angry at those around me.  It could be the guy sitting in front of me in traffic or my own son.  I don't want people near me.  I'm overly sensitive.  Most comments people make lately, I feel like they are being critical of me.  I've told a couple people that are close to me that I feel like I've reached a new low.  I don't know what I'm asking for here....I think I wrote all of this to just vent.  If anyone has any suggestions, or can relate to anything I've written, please let me know.

Thanks,
Tuna

Hi Tuna,

I bounce between the boards too -- a/p, depression, bipolar -- and I recognise you well from a/p. Lately I feel like I could have written much of what you're saying -- the "Most comments people make lately, I feel like they are being critical of me." particularly strikes home. I know on some level it's me being very paranoid, but... well, that's paranoia for you! So, what I'm saying is I *fully* understand.

I've been toying with the idea of going back to my doc too recently -- keep bottling out (having an ok-ish day and thinking "well, I'm dealing with it; then yesterday I spent most of the time angry and crying, and a fair bit of crying and feeling hopeless today too). Maybe we should *both* go to the doc -- I'll go if you will!

Rosie x

I appreciate everyone who responded to my post. It's comforting to know I'm not all alone in dealing with these particular issues. I have been debating to go back to the doc. I just went last Monday (31st), however the doc put me on some high blood pressure med at the time, and wanted to see if that would help with the anxiety, before he put me on another med. It made sense (kinda) at the time, but now I realize, I should have been more assertive and insisted on starting some med. Another question came to mind while reading your comments: Do you think most people around you would know that you struggle with depression/anxiety/etc?

Thanks again for your replies!

Tuna

Hi Tuna,

I'm so sorry I forgot about the high blood pressure. Are the meds you've been given for that helping at all? The 2 week mark seems like a relatively good time for you to go back to your doc, have the blood pressure checked and talk further to your doc about the anxiety/depression.

I don't think most people around me know when I'm depressed. Part of me is relieved at that, because I very often feel like "I don't want to talk about it" and would prefer to just shut down. Then sometimes I wish someone just knew -- without me having to explain it all -- and that they were instantly fine with it, so that I had someone to give me a hug or just any sort of comfort. Struggling so hard with my ex/partner (who's got manic depression) and can't tell him how I'm feeling, cos he'd know it's got a lot to do with dealing with how his illness has affected him and our relationship; then he'd feel even more guilty to add to everything else he's going through, would decide for me once and for all that it's not fair on me, and would run away totally. My only chance of helping him at all is if he doesn't know for now. I've realised recently that even if he turned round all better tomorrow (in a kind of miracle way) I'd still have a lot of issues going on and would probably not be able to stop the fear and sadness I always feel these days (for a start I'd always be wondering "what next?"); so, yes, back to the doc. Then perhaps I'll be able to cope better generally. (Sorry, that was a kind of long response to your question, and I know it drifted. Hope you don't mind me just letting all that out in your thread: just don't feel up to starting one of my own with all the fear, etc. I don't expect anyone to comment on this stuff, just helped to write it out.)

Take care Tuna.
Rosie x