HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

self hate

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 8/16/2006 4:21 AM (GMT 0)
As I've posted here, someone dumped me a few months ago and I am having a very hard time getting over it.  I feel a tremendous sense of loss and fear.  I feel like he was the only person who appreciated me and "got" me, and then when he didn't want to be with me, it was just like he was saying, I see you for who you are and I don't want to be with you (which is more or less what he said, actually).  I can't stop feeling self-loathing, like I am intrinsically unloveable.  There have been very few relationships in my life, and this was the only one that really felt genuine and reciprocal.  I don't think I will ever find that again, and I feel overwhelmed by all the flaws in my personality that make me someone that can't love properly.

I don't really no what I expect people to say.  I just feel so sad and bereft and lonely and helpless right now. 

I am not in an acute depression now, and when I felt like this breakup was unhinging more than normal I went to my doc and have started on Lamictal, a mood stabilizer, and I am not sure if its quite kicked in yet...

Posted 8/16/2006 4:23 AM (GMT 0)
It is natural for you to grieve for the relationship that you feel you have lost. We all grieve at our own rates and even though what you are going through is difficult, it also seems perfectly natural.

We're here for you.
Posted 8/16/2006 5:20 AM (GMT 0)
I have been on lamactyl"lamotragine", for two years and it helps. It seems to be mild with no apparent side affects. 200mg per day. It was used originally for siezures but was found to have mood stabllizing effects.
I was married 17 years, wife got tired of my drunkeness and divorced , I blamed her, almost drank myself to death for the next few years. quit drinking and had to face the truth. It wasn't easy, but I did half to look at myself in order to forgive her and not have any resentment. The resentment almost killed me literally. And stronglady is right!
Since then I have been able to have a better relationship with myself and God.
Posted 8/16/2006 5:28 AM (GMT 0)
I am not saying it's you, he probally has issues, and when one door closes another opens.
Posted 8/16/2006 10:18 AM (GMT 0)
Breaking up is hard to do as the song goes - just coming out of a seven year old relationship myself and have been through the cycle of self-doubt, self-loathing and confusion recently.

I decided to call off what was an unhealthy situation but it was hard and and involved a lot positive self-talk to try and deal with it better. Believe me, the worst thing I tend to to is criticise myself - what could I have done differently, am i not pretty enough, not thin enough, not smart enough etc etc etc and I am trying to talk to myself everyday to believe that I am a wonderful person but that a lot of people cannot recognise a diamond in the rough and it is their loss not mine !

Hugs - things will get better so please dont give up hope !
Posted 8/17/2006 12:17 PM (GMT 0)
I got married at the very young age of 18. The abuse started as soon as I got pregnant. Continued until I took the kids and walked out 13 years later.
He is now remarried with another child. And according to my kids there are no signs of abuse,physical or emotional.So,now I sit and wonder what it was that I did wrong. I tried to be a good mom,I was faithful. Kept the house neat and tidy and good meals on the table. I was the money maker, but he could not keep a job.
I am glad he is not doing the same things to her. But I still wonder what I did wrong.
I think it boils down to the other person. Something was not right there,and if you are a good person to them and they still do not treat you right,then be glad they are gone.
I treat my b/f now of 2 years like gold. He treats me the same,that is how it should be....
So,after all of this ranting,I am just trying to tell you that it is he that needs to look in the mirror not you.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply