This is it

Hi, its my first post.

I know I'm depressed. I don't need a professional to tell me that. Although they did just that seventeen years ago when I first got sober. I was nineteen.

I don't want any medication. With the job I have I "CAN'T" be depressed.

I've found many ways to self medicate myself over the last seventeen years. This includes spending way too much money, overeating, tobacco use, etc. Little by little I have gotten away from them. In the last nine weeks I have been without tobacco and my depression is worse than ever. It allowed me to enjoy all sorts of things like fishing and music.

I am really motivated for nothing now.

I love my wife and kids and am very greatful for the great job(which I hate) and nice house I have but I am miserable.

I am posting to remind myself that I do have a problem and I need to deal with it everyday. It is always to easy to convince myself that I am ok when I use the self medicating techniques described above.

Hi.

Regular Dad, welcome and you are not alone, you are not the only one and we are here for you. 

I truly mean it when I say that you know yourself best and have to make your own decisions.  I offer my perspective on medication in hopes that it will help you, if it doesn't keep reading because there is a wealth of experience here.

When I was 22 I first had a depressive episode but at that time, in the place I was living  no really even knew about depression.  I went undiagnosed and gutted out the next 8 years until I realized that I was alright again.  The next episode hit me 13 years later when I was so down that I couldn't stop crying and was almost non-functional.  A beloved co-worker was courageous enough to tell me the truth and said that I had a problem with depression.  I went from that conversation to the telephone, to the doctor's office where I was then diagnosed with depression and given medication.  I went out to my car and screamed myself hoarse because I too did not want medication.  I banged on the steering wheel of my car so hard I bent it (hee, hee, it's pretty funny now). 

 I have to tell you though that medication changed my life that day.  I knew I was as low as I was going to go and everything else was up from there.  The right medication will not turn you into a zombie, if meds do that, they are not the right ones for  you.  Over the course of my life I have had 3 episodes of deep depression which fortunately can all be traced back to losing control over my life and not taking time to take care of myself. 

Are you weak for taking medication or having this problem at all?  No, depression does not make you a weak person.  My view is that you are courageous and it takes real strength to acknowledge this issue and deal with it.  You have shown strength by coming here and your next steps, whatever they are, will support that strength.  Keep coming here, let us know how you are doing.  You are part of us now and we will worry about you. 

Hi Regular Dd,

I want to first of all welcome you to healing well. I hope you wil find this site useful. Everyone here is very supportive of each other and please post anytime. We'd love to hear from you.
When I first realised I had depression, I didnt want to take any meds as I always worry about taking a new med and I always worr about side effects. Also I wanted to control it myself. I soon found that I couldnt and was releieved when I started to take an antidepressant and its been wonderful. It has helped me so much and gave me that lift I needed. Im not saying that an antidepressant takes away all of your problems as it doesnt but it does give you the boost you need to deal with things.
Do your family give you motivation? Does doing things with your family make you happy? If so, try and concentrate on that. Try to find one thing that does make you happy.
I do think you should see a doctor about your depression to get som ehelp as Im sure you dont want to carry on feeling this way.

Take care and please continue to post. Its lovely to have you here.

Hi Regular Dad, I am also adding my welcome to healing well to you, we are happy to have you join us here.  I can relate to several things that you posted.  Before I acknowledged that I had depression I to self medicated in many ways to mask the feelings that I was having...drinking, smoking, running wild with so called friends, doing other things that cant be spoken of here.  I haven’t always been such a "good girl"...lol!  Anyway, that was mostly in my early teens and twenties and during college.  I went to work for a private mental health facility and started to learn many things by training and working with my clients even though my major in college was psychology it never really clicked that I was depressed and having anxiety.  I did end up go to the doctor and getting assessed for it but as for work there wasn’t room for me to have these types of disorders.  I helped me on one level as I had more compassion for the clients than co-workers who couldn’t relate but depression does tend to take up most of your personal resources and leave you drained and empty inside.  So it was very difficult to deal.  You may not need a professional to tell you that you have depression, most people know themselves well enough to say weather or not.  Perhaps you could take one of those on-line questionnaires, print it out and take it to your primary care doc...They are the basic assessments for depression.  If you are willing to go on meds and see how that works then this is an option to bypass the psychiatrist....just a suggestion.  But in the mean time please know that we are always here so continue to post....take care

Hello DAD, I also suffer with depression and anxiety, I understand your reluctance to seek help. I started getting depression in my teens and had a breaksown at 24, but still didnt get the treatment I needed. I had another breakdown in my 30s and thats when I started the treatment I so desperately needed. The reason I am telling you all this is because I don't want you to go through what I have before you get help. Not saying that it will happen to you, I'm glad you have handled it so well so far. But there is nothing wrong in taking medication or getting counceling if thats what you need to feel better. Especially if you have a chemical imbalance like I do. I wish you all the best and I hope you feel better about things soon. Be good to yourself and Take Care! Welcome to Healing Well!