Got into a fight earlier this year.

I'm in Lousiana, and where I go to high school, I'm not exactly the most popular person around. That doesn't really bother me.

But this April, I got into some dumb argument with a guy who I'm kinda friends with, and I ended up challenging him to a fight. Like the idiot I am, I talked a lot of trash beforehand about how I was gonna embarass him, kick his you know what, and so on, even though I wasn't sure I could. So long story short, I got pummeled, totally emabrassed. The next few weeks I heard a lot about it from kids at school, and for some reason even people I don't know talked about they were happy it happened, or about how stupid I looked for it. My friends have told me about hearing people talk about it. Everyone knows.

I know someone reading this will probably think, "oh wow, what a huge problem" and think I'm just a kid who doesn't have any real issues to deal with. But ever since this happened, a day has not gone by where I have not thought about what I would do to take back what happened. It's made me so depressed to the point where I have considered suicide on several occasions. School starts back up again next week, and I don't know how I'm going to handle another year of it. I don't think anyone will really talk about it around me, but I don't think I can handle the feeling that everyone is thinking about what happened, every time they speak to me. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

I understand there are people on here who have had to deal with death, or other truly awful things. I know that this being the worst day of my life means I've had it pretty easy so far. But thinking "Other people have it worse" doesn't help me. I still feel awful. Even though I know in the grand scheme of things, it means nothing, I can't bring myself to feel okay about it. To me, it's like the world is going to end. It's the worst feeling I have ever experienced. I can't do stuff I normally enjoy, without thoughts of it running through my head. I'll be watching a movie or something, and totally miss half of it because I hit an extreme low and start thinking, "What was I thinking? How could I let this happen?"

Post Edited (LADude) : 8/30/2006 8:17:16 AM (GMT-6)

school counselors around here don't really help with that kind of stuff. they just help you switch classes and what not. plus i don't really trust or like any of them enough to talk to them about that.

I've already talked to my family about it a lot, and they tell me the stuff I've mentioned like "in a few years you'll back on it and laugh". But the problem is, I can't wait a few years to feel better. I can't talk with my friends about it either because any time someone talks to me about it from school, I laugh with them, pretend that it's not a big deal and that I put it behind me.

Hi LA, I feel for you, school is rough and kids now a days can be so mean and hateful.  It seems if you’re not in one of the "clicks" or "popular" crowds then all the trash gets thrown onto you.  I went to a really big high school in Kansas City and the group of girls that I ran around with were often hateful and snotty to others acted better then everyone else.  I chose not to behave that way and was pretty much friends with everyone.  I think that your anxiety over returning to school is very real and valid.  I agree with Victoria that school counselors should be available to students for intervention of things of this nature especially if it is something that has occurred at school and on school grounds.  However, when you’re dealing with a school that has thousands of kids, as I assume your does, as mine did, then it is difficult for them to function in this capacity. I don’t know how much you have communicated to your parents about your feelings on this and how much it is affecting you.  But it would seem to me that they don’t understand the extent of it all.  I am saying this because of the responses you have posted from them and them making it like it isn’t such a big deal for you when it is.  Perhaps you can write them a letter explaining it all in detail and your feelings, this way they will get your meaning and will not have a chance to interrupt you or make it out to be no big deal if you were to discuss it with them face to face. I am not sure what can be done to make it better but it would be nice if you had some support and someone you can talk to about it.  I truly hope when you do start school that it will not be an issue for you.  All I can say is hold your head up and is proud of yourself.  We are always here if you need anything so please do feel free to post anytime.  We are happy to have you join us here. 

First of all welcome. I am really proud of you for acknowledging your role in createing this situation and for validating the way you feel about it. Both of those things are huge first steps to dealing with this situation.

I am the mother of a 21 year old son who through his teenage years let his mouth get him into a few tough scrapes so I am responding in mom mode, I hope that is alright with you. If my son came to me with this situation I would encourage him to take responsibility for his actions by standing up tall, looking the other boy straight in the eye and saying, "I was wrong and I am sorry." Those are very powerful words that for some reason people have a difficult time using but they are also words of freedom. Eating crow or putting your pride aside to do "the right thing" is often difficult. It seems to me that the anxiety you are feeling is because of the guilt you feel about starting this situation. You don't have to blame yourself to take responsibility. Blame creates guilt, accepting responsibility creates honor and strength of character. By taking responsibility you will be taking the high road and it is my experience that most people will respect you for it. The ones that don't are not worth your time anyway and you don't need them. By taking responsibility you may be able to open up the lines of communication between you and this other boy. The teenage kid grapevine spread the news of what happened and it will also spread the news of what a standup guy you have been. You don't need to apologize in public but doing so on his turf will say a lot about who you are and the strength of character you have. Also, acknowledging what a "bonehead" move it was may allow you both to find the humor in this situation and share a laugh about it. The word "bonehead" is not used here in judgment but in fond amusement at some of the situations my son got himself into. Humor heals like nothing else. I have no doubt that you have strength of character because someone who didn't wouldn't even be worried about this situation.

My last piece of advice is to take what works for you from this and let the rest go. Advice is free and worth every penny you pay for it. Best of luck and let us know how you are doing.

hi ladude-

well i agree with the two other posts above me....you are learning about yourself and personally high school can be a weird place b/c you are meeting so many people from other backgrounds and social classes....it is an important thing that you learned something about yourself from this experience!! and that is a positive!!

try to make new  friends and or join new clubs this time around. try different things and try to associate with different people. you do not have to mention this thing that happened to anyone and if the subject comes up, causally say, hey i learned something from that....haha and now i am a new person!!!

let it go at that, your school anxeity to return will be over after you return to school and you may be surprised to feel that no body remembers it or chooses not to say anything to you about it and ---we were all kids once and all had to learn sometimes the hard way...i have a feeling that once you return to school to see that it will not be made much attention of.....and if it is, well...again you can repsond with well i learned something from that and change the subject and ask the person what have they learned this summer about themselves??????