There is a man in a coffin and I think I should care

but when your kids grow up to be married and have kids of their own do not be surprised to gleem into the eyes of one of their children and say and see something there that reminds you of your dad, however, the child will not know who he was before. THEY choose the person who they want to come back AS and the person who they return through.

he will be different and maybe more compassionate but it is a part of learning life's lessons.

I asked G-d to give me a son when i was 22 yrs old, when i was ready ( my dad died  july 26 1976 from drinking b/c he married the wrong woman who drove him to it) 'when i was ready' for my dad to comeback to, I met and married at 28 had my son at 29 and knew the very min of conception july 13, 1984 and was right side from the ovary which symbolizes -male features for us females,my son was born to me march 22 1985. at first i thought nothing and felt nothing about any of this b/c i didnt know my dad that well in life since i was only 12 that last time i saw him, but he died when i was 22, he was aged 52 then.

then when my son was ( he refused to even get his liscense until he was almost 18 yrs old..).-18-19-20 ( he is now nearly 22 and drives okay i think) i was trying to teach him how to drive and he just couldnt get it no matter how i tried, and he took driving lessons also from professional schools and drivers ed. I used to say to myself why cant he get this? it is so easy to drive and what teen doesnt want to drive?

then my older brother jay who had better memoris of my dad told me that my dad -just this year mind you- had an 'irrational fear' of driving and used to have a chauffauer pick him up and drive him to work  and home again although he had his liscense and could drive when married to my mom.

it was not known to my brother if this was owed to my dad being drunk and having the good sense of not driving while drunk or not, but i never heard of a man who woke up drunk, but i didnt acutally know his drinking habits as i was 6 yrs old then.

''it was all so odd'' he wrote to me in an email when questioned about my dads behavior'' for a book i was working on about my family history in the movie business,

''he had a liscense and could drive but didnt want to drive, he used to have what amounted to as a chauffauer come and pick up him named Burt every morning and take him to work which was 20 min away and then bring him back home at the end ofthe day''.

my dad was a traveling salesman for the family business selling Proctor paints which was a very well known paint manufacturing company in new rochelle, NY back in the 50-60's.

he used to travel to different places to sell the paint for the businesss and did  very well at it from what i was told, for we had a nice home back then. my  grandpa bagan the business and had the 3 sons in family run it.

but my dad used to drink vodka and died an early death owed to drinking and was kicked out of the family by my mom when i was 8-9 yrs old and he lived elsewhere, began a retail paint store on his own and at first did okay, but then my brother tells me that he used to work for our dad in his store on saturdays when he was 16 yrs old and saw my father, sat in an old easy chair in the store basement and had a bottle of vodka in his hands and drunk.

now my kid cant or will not drive, ( unbeknownst to me all of this until this year from my brother) goes off to colllege at 18 and starts drinking while living on the campus w/ his roomies.

what did he used to drink? V O D K A.

i found out while taking him to college and he invited me to his suite and i see all these bottle of booze collecting dust on the floor and i see vodka bottles empty. So i say to him who is doing al this drinking?

he denies it of course, but i find out that it is he who likes screwdrivers and vodka.

i tell  my son MY DAD used to be a drunk do dont you wind up one like him used to be - BEFORE i knew my dad used to drink vodka from my brother.

and beer, (i remember my dad used to drink beer in the quart bottles while watches baseball games on tv).

and so now my son still cant kick this drinking habit that I or his father DID NOT MODEL for him as we do not drink

now at almost 22 he is nearly done with college.

he has the same mannerisms of my dad i can plainly see now from what i can remember, VERY low key, laid back, soft spoken and kinda reserved, but always trying to please others and trying to please me, his mom.

SAME PERSONALITY STYLE as my dad, & looks  like a dead ringer for him also but not until he hit aged 20- now.

i found an old photo from a cousin of my dad when he was 25 at a wedding and gave it to my son, and he flipped out and i said you look just like him, he said yes I do; and you also drink vodka like him also and you are-were fearful of driving like him also.....

I showed a photo of my dad to my ex-husband and he said the same to me about all this also, so it is not just my imagination at play.

I loved my dad when I had him in my life  but even though he abandoned me, I knew why and was very forgiving for him b/c my mother casued most of this to him to hurt him and to deprive me of a father so i was very sympathic to my father and hated my mother for his leaving as she kicked him out.

I openly wished for a son at aged 22 when he died, when i was  ready and married.

I beleive this then is my father come back as my son who may have favored me-or chose me to come back into as.

I had a terrible life after my dad left the family and went through some awful things -sexual molestation from a step father, being abandoned by my mother also, and other such stuff which left me as a victim for a long long time.

When my  marriage was on the rocks from my ex, my son was 7 yrs old at about the same age  i was when my mom kicked her husband  out....

i repeated the same things that i saw with my son BUT for the drinking part, i showed indirectly waht happened to my life and it kinda parrelled a similar situation that my son witnessed the destruction of a failed marraige, so my son  ( which could be my father) SAW what happened at an early age and experienced it himself now.

this is a lesson he learned comeback--how the destruction of a failed marriage at an early age can cause dysfunction growing up, which was why i failed early on after he was out of my life, no role model...

but i willl leave it up to you if you want to think about reincarnation or not, as a viable

way of people having to learn  lessons  in life....

there is a good book on this by a real psychiatrist named dr brian weiss, MD called 'many lives, many  masters'

you ought to get a copy of this book and read it

My dad and his first wife had one son.  My dad and his second wife, my mother, had me.  My half-brother and I both grew up as "only" children - 13 years apart and different home environments.

As adults, my brother and I are now very close - we're the only family either of us has left.  Due to distance, our children don't know each other - even tho they know 'about' their cousins.  Hope that will get rectified at some point since there are so many commonalities between them.

Good Luck, Shy!  You may be about to experience some terrifically positive family relationships.  Hope so!