Losing Directions, Losing Hope.

I've seen psychiatrists and psychologists like perhaps many of you all have, but all it does is get me to take more and more pills and make more and more doctors appointments.

I live in Colorado for school and the first two years of college were alright considering i had a great girlfriend, but once she split on me, i couldn't cover up the depression which i'd been experiencing since the begginning of highschool. After bottoming out almost a year ago I got help, got on celexa and a mood stabilizer and it worked for awhile. But now i'm crashing into short term deep depressions that manage to derail me for two or three weeks. I've talked to the doctors about it and they just said to keep adjusting the medications.. this has led me to hit evil manic episodes for weeks followed by terrifying depression. This has just happened over the last week or so and now i'm bummed again with a Serious loss of direction. All i want to do is give up on any of the commitments I have and just run away, forget about all my firends and my obligatiosn and just get away.. i knwo this isn't the answer becasue this garbage will obviously follow me wherever i go... but is there anyone out here that knows how to approach depression and related feelings on a daily basis... i'm finding it hard to get past the hopelessness, its even starting to make me cry right now..

Any response would be awesome

Thanks for the reply, made me feel better for sure. Its one thing to even find a place like this and read other peoples solutions or suggestions for other people but when it really pertains to your situation it makes a real difference. I took your advice and called up my cousin and one of my friends and felt a little better too. I guess tomarrow is another day. And although its beginning to sound cliche, it is true... Thanks for your post.

I live in Boulder as a matter of fact, I'm twenty one, finishing off my degree in History and Meteorology. Can't seem to get it done fast enough though hehehe

Hi Brigsby --

Welcome to HW! You've already met our wonderful Judy and I hope you will come to meet more and more of the supportive and friendly people here.

Like you, a fairly recent break-up triggered my depression -- and I do understand that, for both of us, the depression is not the *result* of the break-up -- that the break-up triggered our depressions with more force. In fact, in all the chaos of the months before the "final" break, my depression resurged and I found myself back at the doc asking for my prescription. I'm lucky, though: I know what meds work for me, and it has helped hugely. For you it sounds like it's been so much harder because you just haven't been getting the help that you so much need.

Judy asked a really important question I think -- about the significance of your taking a mood stabiliser. As she said, these are normally prescribed for bipolar. You also mentioned manias, which again says to me bipolar. Have you actually been formally diagnosed with this? How much has your psychiatrist or psychologist talked to you about what symptoms you suffer from and diagnosis of them? I'm concerned that you have been told by doctors just to "keep adjusting the medications"... Did they actually monitor this, or was it left for you to do? If the latter, then they are being incredibly irresponsible. Does there seem to be any plan or strategy behind the changes they suggest (if in fact they suggest these and don't just leave you to get on with it)?

The thing with bipolar depression is that you need anti-depressants to ward off the depression, but too high a dose or them not being taken in combination with a mood stabiliser can send you to the opposite end of the spectrum -- those manias. Equally, too high a dosage of mood stabiliser or anti-psychotic can trigger depression. Added to these problems are the facts that there is no standard dosage for these meds (depends on the person, and on the phase they are in), and that meds need to be adjusted at times to take into account different phases (depression or mania) as they are seen to emerge (rather than just using meds to react to full-blown depression or mania). In addition, of course, you need therapy to help you deal with the practical side of managing your condition. Add these things together and what you need is a really good psychiatrist who has experience of dealing with bipolar and can diagnose and treat you appropriately (and psychologist if your psychiatrist only does prescribing -- it's best to find a psychiatrist that does prescribing and therapy in mt experience and from what I've read of others being sent backwards and forwards). Of course it's just possible that you're not bipolar (though your reference to mania makes me doubt this): if this is the case, you still need a good psychiatrist to make a proper diagnosis, rule this out, and confirm what you *are* suffering from.

I suppose what I'm saying is that, if your docs are not being clear with you, if they are not explaining what they have diagnosed, if they are not talking you through your medication in a way that is easy to understand, and if they are seeming to palm you off on any of these questions, you need to find a doc who *is* going to do these things. I read many posts from people who tell about all the times they've been let down by these systems, and it sounds so disheartening. But I've also been let down in the past myself: then I found a doctor who was clued up, and, though I've moved a couple of times since then, I've never since settled for anything less. -- It's difficult: until you've experienced how much being treated by a really good doctor helps, it's hard to see how it *could* help that much. This is what I wish for you -- it changes everything!!

Well, there's loads more I'd love to ask you and talk to you about, but I'll leave my message there for now (did someone say "waaayyyy too long!!"?!? lol).

If you have been diagnosed with bipolar, or you simply want to find out more about what it entails (and I promise it's not all scarey!!), do pop over to join us on the bipolar board (also in this forum). Judy and I are both there -- and many other fabulous peeps (peeps = lovely people!). It's quieter than this board, so it may take slightly longer for people to respond, but they're always ready to do so when they're on!! :)

Anyway, I'll look out for your posts there and here, and hope to get to know more about you.

All best,

Rosie x

First of all thanks or your guys support. Yeah they diagnosed me as being bi polar and a combination of anti Depressants and mood stabilizers worked for awhile until i had a manic perod at which time they said to cut off the antidepressant... the thing is they weren't very clear on just when i should go back on it, how much all that so i've made appointments to get in there and get the story. I had a good day, but i hadn't gone to leep the night before due to some intense insomnia, so i'm feeling all out of sorts now. Regardless i think i bottomed out and now i'm on the upside. I will check out the bi polar forum, soudns liek a lot better place to get more specific information.

AS a side not what can one do with a History and MEterology degree??? Spend Four years writing essays and then getting a normal job.. hehehe so in other words nothing.

TheBrigsby said...
what can one do with a History and MEterology degree??? Spend Four years writing essays and then getting a normal job.. hehehe so in other words nothing.

ROFL!  You, too??  Seems darned few of us actually use our education in our career ... but that piece of paper still opens all the important doors.  Just think of all the trivia questions you can answer when nobody else will have a clue, lol.  Time well spent.

It has taken my granddaughter almost 4 years to finish a 2 yr degree, and now she has decided she wants another 2 yr degree in another field.  I respect/admire your sticktoittiveness.

Glad you are feeling better ... please keep us posted.