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Posted 11/30/2006 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
sad  im so tired, and I cant be bothered to make my dinner, have a shower, read watch tv or anything. im trying to motivate myself somehow but i cant. im supposed to be going for a drink with my friends later but i dont know if i will be up for chatting and making small talk, they dont understand that even smiling is difficult.

having a bad day i suppose, im used to them, so i know whats wrong, its just that before i joined this site, i had to keep it all in my head, and sometimes it feels like theres so much stuff in there, that if i just get some of it out and talk i might feel better.

i used to drink with my friends to feel better, and go shopping and buy new things but even that seems boring and pointless. and i guess i shouldnt be drinking on ADs anyway.

I think the worse thing tho is when you get replies to your messages and people are being kind and understanding, its hard to take. it actually makes me feel sadder for some reason. I think its coz out of cyberspace, i laugh about my illness and say im a bit nuts but thats ok coz so is everyone and to have people treat it seriously makes me sad as i realise its not something silly and unimportant. anyway enough of that. im going to have a shower and see if i can do my hair and try some makeup or something to make me feel better (or at least help me fake feeling better!) x  sad

Posted 11/30/2006 7:41 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Lilly,

Sorry your having a bad day.  Go out with your friends and just take the night out for what it is, time for having a little fun, tell your friends you have had a bad day (friends don't need details unless you want to give them) and need a bit of chearing up, you'll be surprised!  Take things one day at a time or even one hour at a time, and don't feel bad for feeling sad.  Other members understand what depression is like, like no one else can.  It is a great place to rant and ask all those questions that you haven't a clue how to answer.  Just know that you are no alone in feeling down.

I have no idea if you can drink on AD's, I have a little, by my meds don't say that you can't.  Maybe someone can advise if you post what they are?

We all like to have fun too, just because we are suffering from depression doesn't mean that we can't have fun too!!  I know what you mean when you say that it is hard when people give you encouraging posts, I found it very overwhelming at first.  But take it for what it is, people just trying to help out other people that all have this one thing in common.

Have a good night out!

Hugs

Wizzer

Posted 12/1/2006 7:10 AM (GMT 0)

Hey Lilly113,

Be thankful that you have friends to talk with and go out with, and do fun things.  I had two best friends in town when I moved back to my hometown after my divorce.  Shortly after my return to town, both friends totally cut me out of their lives, too busy with their own lives to care or waste any time on me.  That really cut me to the quick.  I sit at home alone, except for my two cats, and only go out if absolutely necessary.  My townhouse is a disaster area, and I just can't get the energy to clean up the place.  Nobody except my Dad comes over, so I'm not forced to make the effort, although he does tell me to work on a clean-up project every once in a while.

The only times I go out are when I have doctors appointments or if I need to go to the Wal-Mart.  Even then, my father usually takes me, 'cuz I don't have the energy to drive myself around.

I only communicate with other people via the internet, in the HEALINGWELL forum and a vintage doll collecting board.  The doll board (Liddle Kiddles), has a convention every year, and it is the one thing I have to look forward to.

I'm actually going to try to decorate for Christmas.  Nobody will see it, except my parents and younger sister.  I really used to love to decorate to the nines for the holiday.  I have so much stuff, I could decorate my four bedroom house I had before I kicked my cheatin' husband to the curb.  The first year I was in my two bedroom townhouse, I realized after I bought a live tree, that I don't have enough space to put it anywhere.  This year I decided that I wasn't going to let that hold me back.  I bought a 6.5 ft artificial, prelit tree, and I'm going to put it directly in the middle of my coffee table.  I don't think my cats will mess with it that much in that position.  Anway, I'm going to try to get myself in the spirit of things.

Lastly, I'm going to adopt another cat.  My parents will be pissed at me, but I saw one today that I just can't let go.  He's a three month solid black kitten, with one tiny patch of white about the size of a dime on his chest.  I've got two, what's one more.  Plus, there's also almost nothing better than kitty love.

Tomorrow, I also have an appointment with my pain specialist for another round of occipital nerve blocks.  They didn't do any good the first time, but the doctor said it usually takes two or three treatments for them to work.

Wish me luck!!!

Leigh Ann cool

Posted 12/1/2006 2:21 PM (GMT 0)
sad  thankyou very much wizzer its just what i needed to hear today. i feel terrible i drank a lot last night and im so depressed today.
Leigh Ann, thankyou for your comments, i understand as i lost all my friends last year when the depression hit really hard, i have just got back to university and had to make new friends, which is not at all easy when you feel anti-social. They are new friends so im not going to burden them too much with my problems, but when i told them i had depression, they were so kind and two of them said theyd suffered from it in the past!
Good luck with the pain meds i hope they work!! And your christmas idea sounds lovely,Im going to be alone this christmas as my mums going on holiday the day after christmas day and i only live with her, and all my friends from university live hundreds of miles away! so im sure i will be a regular on this forum to keep me cheerful!! sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad

Post Edited (Lilly113) : 12/1/2006 8:10:18 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/1/2006 3:37 PM (GMT 0)
I know how you feel. I know this is totally gross, but when I was in my pit of depression, I wouldn't take a shower. I just didn't feel like it. I never told my mom that because she would freak out. But she dealt with depression too, but not to that point.

I try to make myself go out with my friends also. It helps, but sometimes I felt like it wasn't fun at all. I didnt want to do anything I used to do.

Now, I quit the job that was causing my depression and anxiety, and I feel like my depression is gone. I am still on meds, but I just feel like a weight has been lifted. I know it's not gone though. It just can't leave in a day.LOL

Oh, yeah! I did the drinking on my meds one time too. I won't again. I am freaking that maybe I will die or something

Posted 12/1/2006 3:42 PM (GMT 0)
ms bubblyboo, im so glad you are feeling better, im at alow point today but im hopeful i can feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders soon. i want to say i wont be drinking again but thats not realistic, im a student its what we do! lol
i need a shower today and i just cant be bothered, i smell of alcohol and ciggarettes - not good, but as i dont intend to leave my room i should be ok!!
hope your good mood lasts!
x
Posted 12/1/2006 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
I hope it lasts too. Oh, yes, the drinking of college years. I remember it well.LOL

That is how I was, stuck in my apartment. I am at my mom's house now because I can't stand to be alone. I love that apartment, but the silence is defening. I don't want to go back into that scary hole again.

I think I am feeling good because I am around family who understands what's going on. Do you call your family often?
Posted 12/1/2006 3:52 PM (GMT 0)
yes, but my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mother is miserable and has no money and is always ringing me to dump her negative stuff on me, and my dad blames me for the divorce so we dont speak much. i havent even told them about my diagnosis or my anti d's. it doesnt help that my mum suffers from depression every 5 yrs or so, and my dad is manic-depressive. being around them is not much fun! but im glad you have family you can talk to. its not all bad, i have friends i can talk to.
Posted 12/1/2006 4:14 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry about your parents. I'm sure that adds pressure too. It will get better. You have friends who are there that can help. We will always be here to help if you need it. I know I just like reading what people write because it's nice to know I am not the only person dealing with this. In the beginning I was afraid, but after reading these posts, I know that I am not alone. Just keep posting. We are here to help!
Posted 12/1/2006 4:16 PM (GMT 0)
thankyou, everyone here is so kind. It makes me feel better, even when im really down like today.
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