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Posted 12/11/2006 10:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Fred, I'm having a horrible time myself right now but I'm sorry to hear that you are having difficulty with your therapist. I have to change my psychiatrist as well. It's not easy.
Here is something that will hopefully make you feel better. The rocking is not "crazy." It is just a method (amoung many) that is used to "self-soothe." All that you are doing is soothing yourself. What is so bad about that? Lots of people have worse ways to soothe themselves. Please have the courage to tell your therapist that you just need someone who can help you to "purge" the thoughts that are inside of you and ask him if he will be there for you. I KNOW that you can find a good one if you keep trying. Let us know how your appt. went today.
Posted 12/12/2006 8:41 AM (GMT 0)

Morning ,

Is there any chance you could arrange a therapist from out of town to hold a therapy session over the phone - I know you said you wern't too good on the phone with your brother but I think this might be different.

I'm glad you've made a connection with your phsyc :-)

Just thinking here but , have you tried exercise? It can lower stress levels considerably , doesn't matter what you do whether it be star jumps , weights , jogging on the spot - do it to some good music , I really think it could help.

Take care ,

Smiler tongue

Posted 12/12/2006 8:33 PM (GMT 0)
thank you all for your responces:)

town didn't go well i kinda freaked out when things didn't go the way they where planned, i went into the chemist late to pick up my repeat script and started stuttering my request for my meds how embrassing! lol everything was out of my usual routine and i freaked!.. i was in down town longer then i wanted to be.. i usally zap on through, and hide in our car waiting for mum to come back, but i had to stay longer which freaked me out! my nervs and stress levels where at the peak as usuall in anticipation of the appoinment later that day..

when i got there waiting in the waiting room my head was spinning and my heart was pounding, i closed my eyes to try to control it, concentrated on my breathing blocking the other people waiting out..

when i finally went in i felt alot better so things went okay at the phyicatrist, i was more open towards him so he could get an understanding of what was happening, he knows about the rocking and the social phodia i had, i asked him a few other questions, one of which was bothering perticularly that day,.. someone asked me how old i was, and that i sounded young (fear of people, fear of people talking about me etc..), then i released that some of my issues most people had already delt with when they where younger so why the hell at my age am i like that now?

i asked him if he throught i was weird, and that shouldn't someone of my age not be bothered by what other people say?

i asked him if it was strange.. he said a small percentage of people do have my problem, and that because of the way my life had gone that i have been mentally developing more slowly.. meaning that the stage i am at now most people would have already gone through when they where younger, and that over time he hoped i would move on in my life, he suggested because i dont perticulary want to be like this when i get even older! so after he told me that it is okay, which made me feel better.. and i couldn't understand why i was that way, but now i do:)

but i did feel ashamed when that person asked me how old i was and i felt arkward and i was afaird they would never talk to me again..

i said to my phyciatrist the i needed this forum to unmuddle the mess in my head to try to get my mind untangled from everything that is happening and has happened.. to get me back on track..

I felt elated after the appointment, i felt really good like a weight had been lifted... it encorraged me to go back to the animal shelter where i used to voluneeter and said i was coming back next friday, and i think the positive music is starting to rub off on me too :)

i dont get out of the house much smiler, battling this annoying social phobia, im afaird of bumping into to people not knowing what to say or react, i get quite paranoid that some local will drive past and i feel quite self concious.. i hope that getting back to the animal shelter will help me battle this problem to get me used to be around people again..

hopefulmigrainer *hugs*, i hope you feel better soon too, talking about it helps, keeping it all inside keeps it inside and keeps reoccuring the thoughs coming up again and again..

my phyciatrist said the same thing that i use this to keep myself calm, and that i should keep doing it and over time he hopes i can replace the rocking with some other things to calm me down which i can do in public which i guess is more acceptable, becasue right now i cant have people in my life because they wouldn't understand the rocking.. so i am alone in that area for the moment.. plus i've told him that its ingrained and that i get restless if i dont do after a few days that i get down in the dumps about it.. its good to know that my rocking is being taken seriously i was afaird that it wouldn't be, he didn't make fun of me...

i think hes avoiding suggesting councilling because he knows that no-one there at the hospital wants to work with me anymore, because im not responsive to there theriapy and they would rather not see me turn up there every week again..

enough for today....

takecare everyone:) *hugs*

Posted 12/13/2006 10:18 AM (GMT 0)

Hey there Fred,

I'm really glad that your appointment went so well.

And well done for deciding to go back to the animal shelter , that's brilliant yeah

Yeah that good music must be working.

As for the counselling - maybe he's not mentioned it because he is waiting for you to be ready for it , maybe he's waiting for you to ask him about counselling.

I'm so happy things are starting to go your way , take care ,

Smiler tongue

Posted 12/14/2006 2:12 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Fred,
I'm so proud of you...baby steps...you're doing it! Like Smiler said, how bout asking him if he would be willing to do the counseling?
Thanks too for your compassion about my depression. I started a TEMP job today and I made it through the day! yeah!!!!
Posted 12/14/2006 10:32 PM (GMT 0)
hey there,

feeling abit wasted after coming home late last night from a trip away.. me old bones lol

well done hopefulmigrainer! *hugs* take it one day at a time, and you will get there :) what job is it that you are doing? if you dont mind me asking? :)

smiler: i look forward to going back next week to the shelter, it will take all my courage and effort to make this work, but i have to remember its about the animals and how much they deserved to be cared for and loved, most of the animals have been abused by the previous owners and some hide away when you enter there encloser because they are afaird.. i watched a cat who had just been brought in going from being scared to coming up with me so i can pet it.. now thats a great difference! i think humans need to care for the animals more since we as humans can do something to help them..

one of things i told my phyciatrist is that i have a rough time talking like i do on here with people i just cant do it at this time and moment, i just dont want me to waste his time because i wouldn't be able to talk so openly as i do here at the moment, he did give me his number for his office so i can ring and talk to him at any time.. i guess over time, when i do write more often i will gain confidence to talk these issues over with someone i trust.. it will rub off on me and i'll become more open towards people, you know what i mean?

about yesterday..

I had a pretty rough time yesterday i had to drive for about 4 hours and i found it hard to concentrate my mind constantly worrying that we are going to have an accident, and i had a few lapses which made me go all over the place.. and i freaked out on the highway, not really concentrating, i was so nervious, and i pulled over a few times to let traffic behind me pass.. its like ive lost all confidence with my driving unable to make decisions hasitating to make the right moves.. the only thing that saved me i reckon was all the road works which made everyone slow down enough to go more slowly.. i kept thinking about my brother complaining that i was going fast/slow, fast slow, which i was and it was making me nervious..

when i got there i was so dizzy and light headed i felt like i would collapse, then we hit the streets and i started having real difficulty couping with all these people around, my head was spinning and my breathing was rapid, i was freaking out.. to be suddendly thrust into a whole lot of people, from me hiding at home all time was getting to much.. i could feel tears in my eyes quite a few times during the day..

when i went into a shop i felt more and more uncomfortable, i had to keep moving i kept thinking that i was acting suspecious because i wasn't making any eye contact and kept hanging around in the same dvd section over and over.. it was hell..

the only thing i did do which i was proud off was trying to stop and man fighting in the main street, a woman was being held onto against her will saying let me go.. let me go.. i said leave her alone, what are you doing?.. more people turned up to try to stop what was happening, in the end he let her go.. i hate seeing woman being harrassed my heart went out to her.. i believe in my self that woman need to be respected and cared for, and this was unexceptable behaviour from that fellow.. though i can never express that in r/l but thats how i feel about it inside... but my actions on my feelings sometimes cause people to get the wrong idea about what im doing, thinking why is he so nice to me what does he want? what a creep!, but my intentions are always good even though not well understood..and i can't explain my actions or why i took those actions to the person to make sure they understand my intensions are good, but at the time its my feelings which over rule everything and the reason why i act on them..

we went into a mall and i had no idea what my brother was doing but i waited there inside looking like a stupid **** for ages i got so uncomfortable i said to mum i can't stay in there i look like a fool standing that with all these people looking at me..

i did get a few things which i liked, game cartiages for my various game consoles, and lotr limited edition set, which each had a different doco which real handycam footage of the making of the three differnt movies, these ones newline put off releasing because they add realisim to the film making process and to the acting which would destroy the mysteries on how things where really done.. only wish i didn't need to buy all three movies all over again just to get that extra feature, they could have realased just the docos on one dvd..

i feel like a yoyo going up and down mood swings, but aleast my throughs are out and i can move on!

takecare

Posted 12/15/2006 1:31 AM (GMT 0)
Greymouse............Hi Hope you had a great day. I know the rocking thing well...........best thing that ever happened to me was being forced by my family to go to pysche hospital. If not for my son I would have checked out of this world. In hosp. i learned what what's wrong with me........and that it is not something I can just ignore. (I waited until I had lost everything to admit I had a problem) Smiles and hugs to you.
Posted 12/15/2006 8:37 PM (GMT 0)
hey there :)

feeling okay today:)

brother coming over today, i did some video editing work for him yesterday so I hope he will be pleased with the outcome! :) took awhile to perfect the video footage.. looks like its going to be a sunny day today too :)

hey 1datatatime:) what was it like in the pysche ward? i mean did you feel trapped or forced to do things you didn't want? thats my main fears of ending up in the pysche ward, thus i keep secrets from my pcyatrist so me doesn't admit me.. somethings the tihings i do might make me aliable for the pcyhe ward, plus i get afaird and wrestless if i can't rock for days on end.. locked up in a room, cant breath cant go to the loo without being watched.. is it like that?

am looking into cbt websites to start my road to recovery, i have already two links does anyone have any more links to suggest? i have

http://www.angelfire.com/planet/cbtonline/main.html
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/GeneralDisclaimer.asp

it feels safer to do it online, im afaird that mum will see what im reading and see that i have a weakness and hassle me about it, plus i dont want to explain to her what im doing for fear of riddcule.. i hope she doesn't see what im doing i always keep secrets from her, like talking on here she doesn't know about..

I also hide my music from her so she cant complain or critizersize the music i listen too.. so i turn it off when she enters the room.. and sometimes im just plain not in a good mood and feeling aviodent so i try to get her to leave my room quickly as possiable..

My pyciatrsit said that i have been robbed of all the good things that most people would have experienced already, like getting married having my own family, and now im dealing with issues that should have come and gone in my teenage years.. i know i will properably be alone for the rest of my life no matter what i do, im just to weird, and as far as relationships go its a big NO for me.. im too unstable to keep up an relationship so i must learn to accept that i will never have things that normal people have had.. i need to change, my situtaion needs to change, i didn't understand the full benefit of cbt when my therapist introduced me to it.. i can't live my life like the way i am now forever, i haven't had the chance to do many things in my life because everything comes full circle and after awhile the things that haunt me come back a knocking.. keeping me trapped and afaird..

going back to the animal shelter will get me back to regular contact with people, even people that come to visit the shelter to look for new pets.. i attend to avoid answering the phone or customer queries beacuse im no good at those, but just beging with the animals petting and cuddling them will be great! :)

takecare

Posted 12/16/2006 12:11 PM (GMT 0)

Hi greymouse, my heart goes out to you and what you have to live with.  Let me tell you a little bit about myself here.  I have had major depression, anxiety & panic disorder and PTSD for many years due to childhood sexual and physical abuse by my stepfather.  That all ended when I was 11 years old and from then on I had a pretty normal life but I was very much withdrawn inside myself.  I went to college and earned my BS in Psychology.  While I was in college I started working for a private mental health care rehabilitation company at the age of 19.  I am 33 now and slowly working on my master's degree in psychology...will most likely take me forever. 

Anyhow, there are a lot of things that you have posted about that I can very well understand your fears on.  It is pretty clear that you have a great deal of anxiety issues that you suffer with.  Your worries about going to a psychiatric hospital I can also understand as one's mind would automatically click back to scenes from those old 50's movies but this is not how they are anymore.  If you went to one voluntary then you could leave at anytime you wished.  One of the things that is great about inpatient hospitalizations is that the nursing staff and doctors can monitor medication and behavior in order to adjust your medications as needed.  Yes, they have activities but everyone there is just as nervous of being there I am sure as you would be.

Second, please, please, please be honest with your doctor about what is going on with you.  This is the only way that he can help you.  I fully understand that you don’t want him to think bad thoughts about you but doctors are not there to judge but only to help.  You’re a very good writer; perhaps you could keep a journal for your doctor and take in with you? 

Third, your life is not a waste and you’re not destined to be alone...trust me on this.  I cant tell you how many times in all the years I worked where I have that I have seen my clients hooking up with each other and yes, even a few of them have gotten married, graduated out of the system and moved on.  You’re a person with a good heart and soul and someday a lucky woman is going to come along and see that.  In the mean time you need to take care of your mental health care needs so you can get better and feel better.

:-)  

Posted 12/16/2006 8:24 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Fred,
Elisha has given you some great advice and it sounds like she has lived it to some degree.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm very proud of the work that you do at the animal shelter. I adopted my "Samson" from the shelter 2 years ago. I thought I was the Angel saving a dogs life but it turned out that I was going to need an Angel and he was it! I don't know what would have happened to me during the really bad days if I didn't have my doggie and kittie with me. I had never experienced unconditional love until I got my dog. Not even from my parents - from nobody. All of my relationships were "performance oriented." I was attracted (subconciously) to narcissists and if I didn't perform to everyones expectations I was tossed aside or ridiculed. The key is learning to like yourself. That really is the key. When you have that all of your relationships will change. I'm so glad that you are on the road to recovery. It takes courage to change. Take care.
Posted 12/16/2006 9:45 PM (GMT 0)
hey folks had a good day yesterday :)

managed to test my brothers da vinci code computer game..
nota too bad day yesterday, we also watched x-men on dvd..

i dont know what to talk about this morning, im still waking up lol.. everything went okay yesterday with my brother here, played da vinci code computer game he had brought last week whilst we were on our trip away.. we also watched x-men 3 which he enjoyed too! :)

not sure what im going to be doing today though I did promise mum that I would work on her tape 2 computer audio tracks.. that should keep me busy for awhile.. im feeling remarkably calm and clear headed not many throughs are entering my mind at the moment, bliss :)

thank you for your kind words els :)

many of my throughs stop me from taking any kind of action, admiting that im rocking was a big step for me because thats a secret that i've kept a long time, the other issues i have been doing for about 10 years on and off, i have felt okay for long stretches of time, only to come full circle again.. i keep alot of issues inside, mainly because of fear nad that i dont want trouble at home, my family don't deal with emotions, we never speak of them, thus i keep alot inside.. building up till i collapse, my parents think that everytime i collaspe that they need to rescue me and because of that mentalilty they dont let me "grow up" even though i have constantly stated im an adult they wont let it go.. if they knew only how badly im trying to fit in and to be liked.. unfortunitly my family have alot of sway on my well being, and i'm very sensetive and tend to remeber any negative throughs and filter out the good stuff.. thats where the CBT websites will be good..

also i am afaird of my behaviour when i do feel okay sometimes i act over the top, and say and do things which i end up regretting, i am afaird of that person.. im afaird of how over the top and uncontrollable i become.. i say stupid things..

i am just afaird what my folks will think if i ended up in the phyc ward because they can be very judgemental and they might think im crazy and might end up not believing me and using that against me as an excuse to say im mad everytime i try to say or do something..

i have been thinking about checking myself in, but checking myself in would mean revealing problems to my family that i have been keeping secret from my family, and my doctor.. im afaird if i go too much will be reveled to my parents i.e. the rocking, and that i will be under watch 24/7.. and when i get home i woudnl't be able to breath or move or do anything without someone watching me..

im starting to feel alittle uncomfortable, i know people can listen and no one is a doc here.. i have nagging feeling, i hope im not putting anyone off with my non stop babble.. is it still okay to post here? or should i stop? I really do appreciate everyones input and i know theres only so much people can do on here..

thank you all again

Posted 12/16/2006 10:02 PM (GMT 0)
thank you hopefulmigrainer :)

animals do care and they dont judge, and you can talk to them, and cuddle them, and they will listen unconditionally :)

which is why its wonderful to help them in return, when they are in the need of help too :)

we had a german short haired pointer who passed away late 2000 he was wonderful, he was always there for a hug or a cuddle, and he loved playing with me outside, he would love chasing the ball and investigating puddles on the rocks, when we used to live beside the sea.. he also loved to dig in the sand, and dig an dig lol :)

i can post a pic of him if you like if i can on here?

takecare :)
Posted 12/17/2006 11:55 AM (GMT 0)
Hi greymouse, No one wants you to stop posting...and please trust me when I say that this is a safe place for you to express your thoughts and feelings.  My only point was that you seem to be crying out for help so much and I am afraid that this is not something that you yourself can resolve on your own.  No matter how many CBT websites you visit you still will have to open up to your doctor regarding these issues at some point in time.  It may not be this week or next...but when you feel the time is right I hope you take it.  As for you family, it sounds a lot like mine..lol!  Hopefully, they may surprise you and actually be supportive.  Either way we are always here.

Keep up your good works with the animal shelter...there is no other love in the world that can be given to a person then by an animal, it is the greatest feeling.

My thoughts are with you.

Posted 12/18/2006 7:16 PM (GMT 0)

hey everyone :)

its gonna be a busy day today, going into town to do shopping luckly i dont have much to do in town today so i can seek refuge in my mums car.. i usally bring an old computer mag (1980s) to go through while i wait for mums return.. i love computers from the 80s I have quite an collection at home from apple IIs, to commodore 64, and a Acorn and three different amiga computers.. I also have a collection of game consoles which i recently acquired an Nintendo 64.. the game consoles.. Atari Lynx, Atari 2600, Gameboy Color, Sega Mega Drive + Mega CD II.. Commodores CD32.. Sega Master System II, Nintendo Entertainment System (NES).. PSone & PS2.. these are the things I love, I love old computers and am interested in the history of computers, im a fan of Steve Wozniak and think hes a geneis and wonder why its not sir Steve Wozniak?

some of the old games on the apple II steal my heart, like Silas Warner's castle wolfeinstien, and beyond castle wolfeinstien, Silas was a very good programmer and he introduced speech into those games way before anyone else was doing it... he was a genius but sadly died a few of years ago.. and I love classic adventure games like translyvania, mystery house etc..

I remember when i went to high school, i was called a computer geek, nerd etc because computers where not really mainstream and we were seen as different thus the name calling.. but now everyone has a computer! and people seem to be wanting them more then ever! talk about a change of fate.. but sadly many people who enter the world of computers today dont know much about the origens of computers, how Steve Wozniak build the first home computer (microcomputer), how hewlard packard (for whom he was working at the time) laughed at his Apple I and told Woz (Steves nick name) why do normal people want computers? thus paving the way for Apple and the home computer market to be born... even today the Apple I motherboard that Woz built is a piece of art work hanging in Apples offices... the 80s the days of hackers, crackers, demos and intros.. demo partys, copy parties and bbs's... but dont ask me about Bill Gates i have a few unchoice words to say about him!...

I wasn't much liked at highschool, the teachers thought I wasn't interested in what they taught.. i failed in every subject, i dont know why but i wasn't a very good student.. I was put in the dumb class, I could never seem to remember anything they taught, teachers didn't like me, and I just couldn't remember things at exam time.. I couldn't do science or maths, my spelling is no good.. I remember being kicked out of a class room at exam time because i didn't know what i was doing.. you failed get out..

they thought i was lazy and was only interested in computers, I took computer studies when i could and was labelled a nuisance and the computer teacher hated me.. making sure i failed... i did try hard..

even today when i did a computing course a few years ago, i couldn't get along with the teacher, and all the teachers had doubts about my ability, even though i throught i had the right idea about the program i still failed at exam time.. so thats why i avoid doing another course because it only goes to prove the teachers where right, i am dumb..

I even spent time doing all my homework and reading the required information teachers wouldn't believe that i had studied and tryed all the examples at home, because in the class room i could never remember anything..

i wish i knew why im not very clever but i seem to be alright when im at home behind my computer, i do manage to fix the problems with my computers..

can anyone relate?

anyay enough for today..

Posted 12/19/2006 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
wow, can't even focus on all this, hope you all survived.

Maggie O
Posted 12/19/2006 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
okay.. im leaving now..

Posted 12/20/2006 11:21 AM (GMT 0)

Hey greymouse ,

Why you leaving us? Are you OK?

Come back and post anytime you like - we're still here for you , don't you forget that :-)

Take care ,

Smiler tongue

Posted 12/20/2006 6:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Greymouse, how are you doing today?
Posted 12/20/2006 7:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Greymouse,

I've been looking for you.  I used to be like that before, but I've managed to beat that sickness.

There were times that I felt that I was having a heart attack when I was in public.  I would even get diareah just by them talking to me.  I used to run to the bathroom in the middle of a conversation.  I remember having panic attacks at public places such as hospitals, malls, outside...everywhere.

You have to remember that you need to understand the nature of your phobia before you can help yourself.

When do you get like that?

What do you feel when you get like that?  Symtoms?

What triggers it?

What exactly are you affraid of?

I understand that rocking yourself makes you feel less nervouse; rocking yourself calms you down just the way hot showers do...right?  I used to do that too.

Instead of rocking...try rocking your legs.  It'll calm you down, as if you were literally rocking yourself.

Please answer the questions listed above.  Remember... your doctor wont understand you, the way you understand yourself.  You can help yourself by understanding what makes you feel this way.  You'll get over this trust me.  I got over it myself.

I'm still afraid that It'll come back...the panic attacks, depression, and social phobia.

I get so affraid... that sometimes I feel as if I were going crazy.

I'm 23 years old. 

Posted 12/20/2006 7:37 PM (GMT 0)
My email address is [email protected]

that's just in case you want to send me an email.

:)
Posted 12/20/2006 7:43 PM (GMT 0)

Hi again Jeanelle ,

Could you put your email in your profile please (in control panel top left) people will still be able to mail you by clicking on the envelope under your name , but spammers won't be able to get the better of you.

Cheers ,

Smiler tongue

Posted 12/20/2006 8:07 PM (GMT 0)

thank you for your responces :)

hi im okay, just Maggie O's comments threw me off, i felt uncomfortable thinking that maybe what i was sharing was to much for people to coupe with i can understand that, so im going to try to take it abit more easier, i also felt embrassed and spent yesterday denying i had any problems and that i should get off my lazy backside and do something with my life, and that i was fine.. i should get off the sickness benefit im fine etc..

im quite nervious about friday, my hands tremble when i think about it.. i dont know peoples reaction is going to be.. i had a friend there i used to talk to and im afaird my behaviour might have pushed her away, i haven't spoken to her in awhile now, i tend to feel insecure and start worrying about if i have upset people again.. espicially if i dont see them or talk to them i get really nervious about whether or not she wants to talk to me anymore..

i have to go town today unexpectly so im trying to steel myself up for that..

last night i started reading the cbt lesson 1, and it stated which could well be true.. "my feelings are sometimes irrational, just like my thoughts" which helps me understand why i have certain feelings about things that they might not be necessarly true.. also "worrying blows things out of proprtion, worry exaggerates" which could well be also true.. but by reading these list of statements 30 min a day i might be able to calm down my mind.. just to know those simple things makes me feel abit better knowing what things cause what..

I also when i started reading i said to myself im working on getting better, but for what? i wrote a list of reasons i am here in this world and i couldn't come up with anything other then to please / help other people.. so when people reject me then i feel gutted more then i ought to.. i have no real purpose in life, i understand about working making money buying stuff, okay then i think okay what if i got a car and a house, what next? whats the point? who am i here for? i have no purpose here, i can't do much, i can't even help many people, my bro and dad dont want me to help with there computer problems.. they get annoyed with me and they dont trust me.. my mum doesn't trust me either..

so im kinda battling that right now.. just thinking aobut what i want to do with my life and whats the point of getting better?

yesterday was hell i had to do work on my mums computer and her computer is in the lounge right infront of our front window which the neighbours could see through, i spent the afternoon there, i couldn't rock to calm myself in fear that the neighbours would see.. but i did try to move my legs which calmed me abit.. i even hid behind the couch to get abit of privacy.. in the end my mum was happy with my work :)

anyway enough rambling, i will continue to read the cbt and hopefully soon i'll have a reason to live, perhaps my depression is clouding that reason.. i'll be fine.. i've got things to do today.. will write more tommorow..

takecare all :)

Posted 12/20/2006 8:10 PM (GMT 0)
thank you JeanelleU :)

gotta go get ready for going to town *glup* wish me luck..

takecare everyone.. till tommorow..
Posted 12/21/2006 9:53 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there ,

I'm really glad you've started CBT , which one are you doing ? It's great that you're taking it a bit at a time , like I said baby steps - you'll do real well.

As for why your here , no-one knows for sure , but I think it would help if you wrote another list -not of what you're here for but of things you like , animals , computers , and then think of what you would like to do in those catagories. Find out who you are , set yourself a few goals , just small ones to begin with - how about an online computer course ,or something? Things like this give you a sense of achievement , make you feel better , worthwhile. I think you were trying to be what other people wanted , or what you thought they wanted , you to be - well it's time for you to be you :-)

Take care ,

Smiler tongue

Posted 12/21/2006 5:40 PM (GMT 0)
Greymouse...
I used to think like that too.
I thought to myself that what would be the use if I had a car, a house, and everything I've ever wanted... then what?

That's normal. Trust me.

Greymouse... What about love? We do it all for love. For our spouse, our family, those who love us. I bet you want to impress them; you want them to be happy for you right? Me too.

You will change the way you think as soon as you have children. When you do... It'll all be about them.
You will do things to make them happy. You have to be strong. I've been there before, plus I just broke up with my boyfriend, but I don't allow myself to feel like that anymore. You have to set goals and work on them. That's how you start to feel better. Please send me an email.
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