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Posted 1/5/2007 5:13 AM (GMT 0)
 

  ok here is the deal. everytime i seem to post on any of the boards something goes wrong. i have been on the anxiety bored, bipolar board and now the depression board. all i need is someone to talk to who understands what is going on. however all i seem to get is grief. one tells me life isn't fair, another tells me that no one here is a doc., all i want is for some one to care.

 

   every doc. i have called says they are not taking new patients. i am truely at my wits end. i told my husband that i wanted to be admitted into a hospital and he just looks at me like why would you do that.

 

  i am falling apart and i can't make anyone undersatnd. i hurt so bad. the only meds i have are quick fixes (valium and now xanxa) and also seroquel (i sleep 12 hours a day) and all anyone says is that you will be fine , you will find a doc. , don't worry.

 

  i am loosing it and i just want a friend that understands. i know that no one here can give me a diagnoses i just want opinions and mostly SUPPORT. 

 

  please help me!!!!!!!! i can't take this anymore.

Posted 1/5/2007 10:48 AM (GMT 0)

athmllldy, it is very hard what you are going through...I do understand.  I dont have these problems but I have worked with people who have.  Your right that no one here can give you a diagnosis and I wouldnt want them too as this could be detrementral to whatever kind of treatment you get in the future.  We are here for support but and to give you suggestions/advice if you request it but please dont become upset or angry if you get a post from a member that is not what you want to hear.  We all have had them and yes they can be upsetting and I know it is a snap judgement to want to put that person in their place.  But it takes way more self control to ignore them and their post then to spend the energy to respond and make it into something ugly.

As for your husband he just may not understand the real scope of what your going through which usually is the case with most spouses.  I hate to say that but it is mostly true.  Seroquel is an antipsychotic and it is sedating.  Valium and Xanax are benzo's and are taken mostly for anxiety/panic disorders and can become addictive so be careful  with those.  Who is the doctor that prescribed the Seroquel?  Can you get an appointment with them?  My suggestion would be to speak with your primary care physician and let them know what is going on and how your feeling.  Let them and their office find you a Psychiatrist and Counselor that you can go to.  This is part of their job and what they are there for.  If this doesnt work call your insurance company to see who in your area is covered.  Then start making calls.  Someone has to be taking new patients I would think.

I know it sounds lame but hang in there and be strong...We are here for you and do care.

Posted 1/5/2007 12:29 PM (GMT 0)
els,

thank you so much for responding, my primary care doc is the one that has put me on these meds and he did recommend some where for me to go that had both a therapist and psychiatrist on staff however once i got there i realized that he had sent me to a psychiatric hospital for evalution. since i wasn't suicidal or likely to harm anyone else they sent me home telling me to find the docs that i needed closer to my home. my primary care doc. has already said that he has done all he knows to do with my meds and that i need a pyschiatrist. it is just like a loop.

now as i sit here writing to you i have been up since 1:00pm yesterday evening and do not see sleep being an option any time soon. not because i don't want to but i can't.

so, today i am going to make some more calls and hope and PRAY for the best.

once again thanks for listening and the support - i need that i think more than anything right now.


God bless you all
Posted 1/5/2007 1:49 PM (GMT 0)
ath,

my comcernfor you and your situation is enuine.  my sence of humor is, admitedly, an aquired taste.  my way of expressine myself is often contentious.  if you feel i offended you, it is only because i thought i saw you falling undera bus and cared more abut saving you the pain and hurt than about salving your feelings.  your last post on the previous thread is saying something totallt different fromyour first psot on that tread.  i respond to what i am presented.

els is absolutely right about going to your pcp fiirst to get a referrel.  if my dr acted like yours did, i would fire him or kick his b*tt.  but that's me and each person has to find their own way.  if you see any other drs (like an ob/gyn) you might ask them for a referral.  all drs are more likely to accept a referrel from another dr than to accept a cold call.

many yrs ago i called a hospital, told theri physician referral service person my situation, and they made me an apt within an hr for see the dr within a week.   this particular dr's office had told me they were not accepting new patients.

i hater to say this, but it seemslike some kind so sick game and we are the pawns.  i don't like being a pawn any more than you do; that's why i learned the game and how to win most of e time.

i hope this helps.

warren

Posted 1/5/2007 2:00 PM (GMT 0)

Athmlldy, I agree with your primary care doc for not messing with your meds, they do need to be managed by a psychiatrist.  It does sound as if you’re in an odd position with finding a doctor.  I find it incredulous that your physician wouldn’t try to find a suitable psychiatrist for you.

Perhaps try calling the psychiatric hospital that your doc initially sent you too for evaluation.  Explain your situation and ask if they can refer you to a psychiatrist in your area.  Usually, it is easier to get into a doctors office if you have another doctor pave the way.  Or you can call your doctor back and speak with his nurse and explain to her and see if their office refers to any other psychiatrists other then the hospital.  If so then ask for them to make you an appointment. 

It sounds like your caught in a bunch of BS and I would seriously pull some chains with your doctor’s office to get help.  They work for you, not the other way around.

Posted 1/5/2007 2:45 PM (GMT 0)
i'm not sure what the one post said that was so different from the other but it could be becuase i jump from one conversation to another in my head so much that i somethimes can't keep up with myself LOL. all i know is that i have cried for a week at the drop of a hat. i cried because we took my christmas tree down. then hubby wanted to rearrange furniture in living room so we started working on that and right in the middle of it i was totally in tears. he wanted to do all this stuff and i just got to be to much and i just had to stop and sit down. then i go from crying to mad at the world because i feel like a failure becaue i can't cope with simple things like moving furniture

i am just a mess right now. however i think i may be on my way back to a manic stage. i still have had no sleep. and i am doing laundry and straightening everything up. (not bipolar - i don't think) this is why i ask for so many opinions because i seem to show all the signs.

oh well maybe today will be the day i find a doctor.


God bless you all
Posted 1/5/2007 2:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hun I hope you dont think you are not being supported by the ppl and myself in A/P I do try to help where i am able ......so do the others
Valium and ativan are quick fixes and you no doubt need a good med to get you back to feeling like your self
If you have felt let down by the a/p forum I sincerely apologise for that is NOT the intention of that forum or any other on here

Here in Canada we have Physicians referral system and I am wondering if you have the same where you are at
I hope so
You do need a doc and I am positive I had posted this to you
Again I am sorry if you feel we have let you down not intentionally I know
Be well please and YES
I hope today is a better day for you
LYN
Posted 1/5/2007 6:03 PM (GMT 0)
hi i am a new member , i suffer with anxiety disorders , there is a history off deppresion in my family, my aunt was very mutch like u , my mum tels me about how she was so bad it broke her heart , i can only say she today is great , she takes lithium , i dont no wethre i spelt that write . she is the most strongset person now . she is allsow on additpresnts , shes come a long way , i dont understand your system with doctors , i live in england uk , i have my docs up the wall sometimes , but they allways listen . my hart is with you , this addvice might be of some help , i wish you well xxxxxxxxxxxxxx sam
Posted 1/5/2007 9:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi. I am new here and your post is the first post I read. I just wanted to write and say I can understand what you are talking about. I had severe depression for about ten years plus. I don't discount the need for a good doctor and a good treatment plan, but I also know the value of a warm and caring friend. It must be horrible for you to be feeling so poorly and not be able to find a doctor as well as have your husband look blankly at you. I do not know where you live but I live in Canada and know it is quite difficult to find a doctor here, so I can empathize with you on that. Yes, the meds you are on sound like quick fixes and those anti-anxiety medications, if taken too long, can make the anxiety worse for you become addicted to them. I take Seroquel to sleep so don't doubt you are sleeping so much, not to mention that depression itself can make you sleep a lot.

I don't have a quick fix or a magic wand for you. I wish I did for I feel helpless many times without either. However, it was the warmth and caring of my second husband and a good therapist that really propelled me beyond a depression that was so severe they wanted to institutionalize me. They gave me dozens of shock treatments and had me on so many medications I couldn't think straight. Today I just take Seroquel for sleep.

I can offer you caring and support at the very least. I know too well the pain of depression and the isolation that can follow. The more isolated you get, the more depressed you get, and it is a vicious circle. I vowed that people's caring is what really got me feeling better, and I promised I would be there to care for those who suffer like I had.

I still have bad days, but they are a couple of days instead of a couple of months.

I wonder if you have an academy of medicine near you that could tell you who is seeing patients or if you have a family doctor who could refer you?? Also, here in Ontario if we end up at Emergency they will refer us to a doctor to be seen.

I could almost hear the agony in your voice when I read your e-mail. I can't imagine how the despair must feel for you not having a doctor or the right meds and not feeling your husband is really connected to what you are going through. I do not know if being in hospital is right for you but I do know the hospital here can hook you up with the right doctor. It can take awhile to find someone good, and waiting is no easy task when you are so down. Just know I am here with you as you journey through this time and try to get on the path that works for you.

I am glad to listen any time and offer you whatever I can that you feel might help you. I know for myself when the days are bad I hold onto whatever I can to get me through---maybe it is my favorite music or a walk with my dog or a cuddle with my cat but something warm and fuzzy feeling to get me through the dark time.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you talked about needing caring and support. Both are so critical when you are depressed yet often family and friends struggle to give them as they themselves feel helpless and drained or are just not informed enough to know what to do or say.

I am so sorry I have not more to offer you than this but please know my heart is with you and you shall be in my thoughts until I hear from you again. I have made some good friends on the internet in groups I participated in and they have been invaluable to me. I remember being anorexic and depressed some time ago and I swear if it wasn't for the love of my best girlfriend who was also going through the same stuff and knowing I had a partner on the path, I would not have held on like I did. It can be so reassuring to know other people are walking the walk and fighting the fight. You are not alone in that way though I am sure you feel very alone in many ways. That is the time to reach out and post so you can connect to those who know your struggle.

I wish you the very best in finding a doctor and a treatment plan. If the hospital is what you opt for, I hope they can connect you to the right people. If you find your husband at a loss as to what to do or say or if you just feel he doesn't understand, know that there are many people here who do. We are here for you to try to fill in some of the gaps you are experiencing in your support system.

I guess we are both new here, so I look forward to getting to know you better and I do wish you the very best. I am so sorry for your difficulties right now and hope the support you find here helps you navigate through them with a little more strength and hope. Depression is an illness that sucks the life out of your soul, but I believe there are ways to get that life back and, until you do, there are people helping you hold on.

frassy
Posted 1/6/2007 4:54 AM (GMT 0)
well , let me update everyone on how my day has gone. first of all let me say that it is 11:45 pm here and i have been up for 35 hours straight and i am not really winding down that much. (this is were the questions of bipolar start to arise).

anyway, at nine this mornig i started calling doctors and it was still the same story. the clinic near me was being of NO help. they needed all my insurance info. again and was going to have to call and verify again. so already with the first phone call i was upset and in tears. so , i decided to call the insurance company myself. it took 5 people and another phone number plus calling the insurance company again to find out that :

this is a whole new company that wal- mart has insurance with so it is like starting all over. i ahve to be on the insurance for a year before they will cover anything and they could only give me 5 names of docs. that accept this insurance. so i called ALL of them

2 the numbers were no good and the others = well same old story. not accepting new patients. so i set in tears with my anxiety and panic attacks kicking in. it was horrible.

my husband came home and called the clinic back to find out that insurance will cover me but i have a $1,000.00 co=pay. this is just to much to even deal with right now. i was ready to forget it i wanted to give up so bad. i cried every time i spoke to my hubby but he really stepped up today and said that he was here for me and that he wasn't giving up. so i now have an appt. for the 23rd. still seems like an eternity away but i am hanging on. maybe only by a thread but i still have a hold of that thread.

sorry so long but one last thing. thank you guys so much for ALL OF YOUR support it is really GREAT!!!!!!!!!

hopefully i will get some answers about the depression, anxiety/panic attacks, ocd and the fact that i suspect bipolar to be part of my problelm


God bless you all
Posted 1/6/2007 10:35 AM (GMT 0)
I am so glad that you were able to get an appointment and your husband stepped up and took control of things.  That is just what you needed him to do.  You may want to review your policy information that came with your insurance cards as the 1000.00 may actually be a deductiable or co-insurance and not a co-payment.  Since it is the begining of the year most peoples insurance policies roll over and there deductiables and co-insurance payments start over but their is a top off limit and that may be 1000.00.  Which can be paid in payments...not all at once.

Posted 1/6/2007 11:23 AM (GMT 0)
Frassy
where in canada are you ??
I am in southern Ontario and there is physician referral here
We have many docs taking patients as the gov as stepped in and offered new docs incentive and signing bonus
I ma sure that all Provinces would have referrals for Docs
Check it out
Welcome to HW
Lyn
Posted 1/6/2007 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
sorry i meant to say deductible not co-pay (36hrs no sleep) it can be made it payments it just seems like so much money right now. i have had to stop baby- sitting (2 months w/o work) and now my husband is stepping down at his job so that is $0.40 an hour less he is making so it is just aggrevating i guess.

i am doing ok today by the way. except that my teenage daughter is pushing her boundaries to the limit and i have a hard time dealing with all of that right now.

one more thing before i go (well actually 2 ) LOL
i have had some sleep since my last post i slept about 10 hours straight so who knows when i will sleep again and also i am not from canada. i live in USA - Tennessee
Posted 1/7/2007 4:18 PM (GMT 0)
I am glad you were able to get some sleep.  I know it sounds like a lot of money because it is a lot of money.  But you have to take care of yourself and that means mind, body, and spirit.  Whatever is going on can not be left untreated...as you know by now.

I have an aunt and uncle that live in Mt. Juliet, TN...it is pretty there.

Posted 1/7/2007 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
yes the mountains are gorgeous in the fall when the leaves change colors. you know i have never heard of Mt. Juliet. do you know what other towns it is close to?

i love it here but in the spring and the fall it can reallly mess up your sinuses and allergies. LOL
i know that i can't go untreated any longer so i am just going to have to find some way to pay for all of this plus i already owe 1200.00 on last years bills that i am now paying on. i don't go to the doctor enough in a year to meet a deductible so i end up having to pay for it all myself which has also gotten me down.

but thatnks for all the support - just keep it coming




God bless you all
Posted 1/8/2007 12:36 AM (GMT 0)
Hi athmlldy411

Sorry to hear about all the difficulties you're facing - it can be really overwhelming and even finding 1 small thing to help can be difficult to do.

Good luck with your appt on 23rd.. Can I make a suggestion for you to try out that may help a little til then?

If you can get hold of a meditation or relaxation tape (which I must say I've never been a great believer in in the past lol) it may help.  What I would suggest is that when you are ready for bed, take your valium (or other sleeping aid) and some warm milk - I know, old fashioned, but it can't hurt, and then go to bed and listen to the tape.  I found that once  I started with the deep breathing and focussing on relaxing my muscles, my mind stopped spinning out of control and 9 times out of 10 I'd be asleep before the tape finished.

I know it won't solve your problems, but it might be worth a try.

Good luck

 

Posted 1/9/2007 2:25 AM (GMT 0)
good advice from ozfm. I need to try this too. How are you doing? Did you mention that you think you may have bi-polar? I understand that not sleeping is a major indicator of the disorder. Would you be willing to try a mood stabilizer? It might really help with your quality of life.
Take care.
Kelly
Posted 1/11/2007 6:21 PM (GMT 0)
ath,

i'm reaally hopeful for you - it sounds like your life is getting under control.  i just hope and pray that this dr you are scheduled to see is a good one.  most are - no matter what i might say about the sobs (LOL).

sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is actually light and hope.  i pray for that for you.

by the way, my wife and i met in clarksville, tn (many, many, many yrs ago).

warren

Posted 1/13/2007 12:45 AM (GMT 0)
Hi ath, I am sorry I was late in responding to this... eyes   I clicked on it the other day then had to log off and lost the post at the bottom of my screen.  Anyhow, Mt. Juliet is really close to Nashville.  I was there this past August and we went to Andrew Jackson's house The Hermitage which was really neat (I like history) and we also went to the stables where Seabiscut was supposed to be born and his father is buried.  I bought so much TN Vols stuff that when I got home I was forbidden to wear any of it by my friends and family.  I live in Missouri and they are either die hard Chiefs or Rams fans...mostly Chiefs as I grew up in Kansas City even though I live close to the Ozarks now.  The drive was pretty but wayyyy too long.
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