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Very Depressed - Will it Ever Get Better?

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Posted 1/13/2007 6:53 PM (GMT 0)

Hello Everyone,

I am excited to have found such a supportive website to join.

I've been diagnosed with Panic Disorder/Anxiety and Mild Depression w/ ADD.   I am on Lexapro, and Klonopin as needed.

I've unfortunately quit going to the doctor (psychiatrist) who diagnosed and treated me with this selection of medication - because, I had issues with their office.  I think a lot of them are out to be money hungry who just want you to keep coming in day after day (and I cant afford that!) - and therefore I left them, and just went back to my family doctor - for continued medicine refill.

However, I feel as though I am sliding down a mountainside hill - and losing grip of all twigs and branches that kept me in the past from falling.

I'm afraid I am becomming very much a person, who will lose the quality of my life, without proper help - and I'm afraid there is no help.

I feel like there is nothing else left to do, or try.  I've had people tell me I sound and look horrible.  Well - I pass it off as "not sleeping well" - but I know full well what it is - I'm so depressed I can't even smile.

I am NOT suicidal - This is where Anxiety comes in - Last night for example, I thought I was going to die - so I was afraid to go to sleep - in hopes that if I stayed awake, Id be "Ok".  So, due to that exhausting experience - I was up until 4:00AM.

I sat in my bathroom this morning and just cried and cried - looking into the mirror at myself, noticing all the big deep dark circles under my eyes - and I see it.  And, I don't like it.

My husband, told me that, he has given up on me, he says ..... Youve had all kinds of medicine, and it never gets better.  So now I'll just deal with the fact - that I need to live with someone like you.

So now, I'm scared -------Will it (the sickness) ever get better?       What else can they do?  I need the help.

I'll post more later, I took a Klonopin awhile ago - and it took a lot of strength to write this much.

Thank you for listening, most of all!

Posted 1/13/2007 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
Dear catgal, I'm so sorry that you are suffering. I'm glad, however, that you found the HealingWell family.

Have you been to a psychologist? Do you have insight into your feelings and thoughst? Have you tried Cognitive Behavior-therapy or online CBT? Medicine alone is not the answer. Have you considered a support group? I go to a support group at my church for depression/anxiety.

Hang in there and keep posting - you'll feel better just getting what's inside - out.
Posted 1/13/2007 7:44 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Hopeful,

I've tried psycho-therapists before - and although I think they help me, AT the time.  They dont help for long.  I don't know if it is because, I come home to a family who is not supportive or if it's me being selfish, wanting everyone around me to understand 100%! 

As far as insight - do you mean like, do I know what causes this?  Cause, I think I know "some", but certainly not all.  Like when I go into my "fits" I call them, I have no idea what starts those. 

What is CBT Therapy or Online?  Ive never heard of this.

Support group sounds really good, and Id be up for it, but wouldnt know how to find one around here.  Could I google "Support Group in *my* Town of USA" and it would pull them up?  I guess I could try.

Thank you for your time in talking to me.

hopefulmigrainer said...
Dear catgal, I'm so sorry that you are suffering. I'm glad, however, that you found the HealingWell family.

Have you been to a psychologist? Do you have insight into your feelings and thoughst? Have you tried Cognitive Behavior-therapy or online CBT? Medicine alone is not the answer. Have you considered a support group? I go to a support group at my church for depression/anxiety.

Hang in there and keep posting - you'll feel better just getting what's inside - out.


Posted 1/14/2007 4:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hi CatGal,


yeah, insight therapy is when the therapists asks you leading questions to help you to discover what is "driving" or "causing" your inner pain. I believe that depression is chemical and cognitive (thinking). If you do have "fits" as you call them, then I would definitely want "insight" into why this is happening. Truthfully, your mind and body are giving you signals long before the "fit" so getting in touch with these and what you are feeling/thinking along the way could be helpful. For example, if a man has anger and must learn to "manage" it, he would be taught how to listen to his body - that precedes the outburst.

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (or CBT) is when the therapists deals strictly with what is happening in the here and now and stops you and suggests different ways of "phrasing" that or "saying" that. The theory is "you are what you think." In othe words, how you are "perceiving" the situation is causing your mind/body to become depressed. If you perceive the situation differently then your mind/body will follow. For example, "I lost my job again, something must be wrong with me. I'm a loser." Having said something like this, you are certainly going to feel depressed. If you train yourself (haven't mastered this myself) "I lost my job and I'm really dissapointed. I will get a new job though and maybe even a better one." your mind/body is going to follow. It's hard frickin work! I am an "analyzer" and everyone who knows me knows that I am brutal on myself.

A third kind of therapy is "interpersonal therapy" (usually long term) is when a therapist becomes a "safe person" in your life and although you tell them all of your deepest secrets and fears, cry, yell, etc. they never abandon you. They might tell you how proud they are of you for getting in touch with those feelings or how they think what you are struggling with is very normal and YOU are very normal.

I have no training so I'm just speaking off the cuff. I've had each type of therapy though and many people have told me that I am very insightful and have a gift of empathy and exhortation. Our pain grows us and creates a depth of character that others do not have.

If you would like to try the CBT online, go to this website and give it a try:

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/default.asp

I highly recommend a support group for you.  Yes, do a search for your area.  I know that they have "CODA" meetings in most communities.  These are "codependents anonymous" but even if you are not codependent, you will receive a lot of support.  You have a husband with demands, kids?  If you are tying to please everyone and that is part of why you are depressed, CODA would be a great place to start.  Even if you are not religious or go to church, the larger community churches have support groups for everything.  I am in a group for anxiety/depression.  A group will help you to get your needs met from people other than hubby and family.  It takes a village, so to speak.

Hang in there and hope you feel better.
Kelly

Posted 1/14/2007 6:09 AM (GMT 0)

Hi CatGal,

Welcome to Healing Well. I am glad you found us. There are many of us here suffering from different illnesses as well as depression and anxiety.

Following along Kelly's (hopefulmigrainer) suggestions, I have found seeing a psychologist very helpful. Psychologists are different from Psychiatrists because they don't prescribe medication and their schooling focusses on counselling. They help you learn how to cope with the challenges you are facing. There are also several work books available at bookstores. For example, The Depression Map. It walks you through your depression, helps you identify what is driving your depression and develop some strategies to cope.

Another book I like is Get Out of Your Life and Into Your Mind, ACT Therapy. It's a new therapy that teaches you how to accept what's going on, stop worrying and start living without worrying about it. I am working through it right now and finding it very helpful.

Kelly has some great suggestions / comments in her post that will help. And we're here to talk to when you need us.

I hope you feel better soon.

Posted 1/14/2007 10:09 AM (GMT 0)

Hi CatGal, I also would like to extend my welcome to healing well to you, we are happy to have you join us here.  I hope that you find this a safe and supportive environment. 

I diagnosis are Major Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, PTSD with mild OCD.  In the beginning when I started to seek treatment for these I too would find fault with doctor's offices or the doctor/counselor's and stop going and have my PCP continue my medication regime...then after a while when the medications ended up not being effective for me I would stop taking them all together.  This was a very vicious cycle of behavior for me for well over 15 years.  I am 33 yrs old and just within the last 2 yrs have I stayed in counseling and with the same psychiatrist and made myself stick with this treatment plan.  The turn around for me was that I was physically sick and seriously depressed, the meds that my primary doc was giving me weren’t helping anymore and I had issues from my past that I needed to address before I could ever move on with my life.  It isn’t easy and everyone has to find that right balance for them.

The fact of the matter is that you’re taking medication that really needs to be prescribed by a Psychiatrist.  If you didn’t like your Psychiatrists office staff for what ever reason then by all means find another doctor but find one you do like and can work with and stick to it.  I absolutely hate my Neurologists office staff but my Neurologist is a great doctor so I keep going back.  I only have to deal with his staff for a short period of time.

Also, I have worked in the mental health field for many years and I just wanted to say that though there are some bad psychiatrists out there....most of them, a majority of them are really great doctors.  Can you imagine listening to other peoples problems everyday and not becoming depressed yourself?  Hearing stories of children, who are abused severely, and other kinds of horror stories and the feeling of helplessness...They have to try to detach themselves but it is difficult and I am sure over time it weighs on them.  Also there is not much money to be made in mental health unless you’re a doctor in private practice and only take private pay clients.  Just trying to give you a different perspective to look at here.

What you could do is discuss this problem with your primary care doctor and see if he/she has a psychiatrist they can refer you to and set up an appointment for you.  Usually, if you doctor helps get you in then other offices tend to be more accommodating to the patient.

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