Another Hospital stay.

Hi guys, I'm normally in the anxiety forum, but it seems I've now developed a clinical depression to top off the rotten year of anxiety I had,

I just spent some time in hospital then discharged myself when they placed me in a psych ward where all you could do was look at the grey walls. No therapy was offered and the patients were all severe mental illnesses not just needing meds tweaked or supervised. (I've just withdrawn from my old med and started on Prozac and was ment to be under some support while that happened) I had to get help for one girl who was ready to commit suicide in my first 20 minutes there then the rest of the time it was like a zoo with either zombies or people screming and yelling to themselves at the top of their lungs.

Now I have my mum (and I'm 37) siding with my husband when I mentioned I really want to get the funds together for private hospital treatment. She was screaming at me saying I didn't deserve him, he's stood by me when he didn't need too and I'm selfish and nasty and wasn't worth spending the money on. Hubby had already commented he wasn't getting a loan for me as it wasn't worth it. Even though all the pdocs told him private care was the only real way to help anyone you care about. I guess that answers itself. My inlaws who are also worth over $5million in cash alone also don't believe I'm worth paying $3500 on to help get me better, even though they've used me as support many times when they've been travelling and someone in their family has gotten ill... I am always left as the contact details and known to be the one to trust to sort thing out. (you can imagine what thoughts I've got against all these people atm, and I just did a confession in hosptial.)

Everyone knows meds alone are not the answer therapy and support are also needed. Sorry for the vent guys, But I'll guess I'll be seeing you a fair bit in here as my clonozapam keeps my anxiety under control. Hopefully the Prozac will kick in soon, the pdoc picked it as it works well with the clonozapam .

Hi,

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time with your family.  It's hard for some people to understand what you are going through when they cant see it clearly, unlike say a broken leg etc....  Unfortunately with depression and anxiety they are hidden deep within our thoughts and feelings, and it's hard for people who haven't been through something themselves to see. 

My mum was very supportive but still couldn't completely understand what i was going through.  All she could see was someone apparently not doing a lot to help themselves, and getting lower and lower.  My dad was completely unsupportive and thought i was just being 'silly'.  I tried to explain how sometimes i felt so down it was hard to breath, and how hopeless and tiring everything seemed, i tried to explain what it's like spending the whole day trying to feel just a little bit better, and then waking up feeling just as bad as you felt the morning before, and the one before that etc.... 

Some people think they can shock or scare you into 'pulling yourself together' by making threats or being horrible, almost shouting it out of you!  That personally doesn't work for me either and just sends me down further.  My dad used to think i was just not bothering to do anything to help myself and i should 'pull my socks up'! Because they cant access your inner most feelings and feel the pain or fear you are feeling.  Personally when i'm on a bad downer i cant easily, if at all, communicate how i'm feeling at the time, it's like my brain just shuts down. 

Sometimes people are either fearful of the unknown, or fear that your depression is a result of something they have, or haven't said or done, so they can react defensively to it.  My partner used to get really concerned it was something he'd done to upset me, but once i explained it was in no way a reflection of anything he'd said or done, he was ok about it.  I bought him one of those simple basic chemist guides to depression to read through.  When people are informed they tend to react to the whole thing better, because theres no fear of the unknown going on.  Saying that some poeple just don't want to know, and don't really care.

Do you have any close friends you can confide in?  The few friends i do have these days are the best friends i've ever had, i lost contact with the fair weathered friends who genuinely only cared if you were alright and couldn't be bothered if you weren't.  My friends just accept that if i'm down, i'm down, and visa versa, me with them.  I know it's not the same but it's nice to have this forum and be with similar minded people who are experiencing similar things.  There's something very special about not having to explain yourself, and just feeling what you're feeling.

The thing is your anxiety and depression are a part of you at the moment, and if your family care for you they have to accept the whole of you (warts and all so to speak - horrible expression i know!)

I hope you manage to resolve something with them, because it's important to have the support you need, will be thinking of you,

Sarah

Thanks for the replies everyone,

We have a health fund but have to wait another 10months till I can use it as they claim my panic disorder is the same as Clinical deep depression.

I know a lot of mental health issues are linked but you usually have a primary illness mine is now Depresssion and I may have ( I did have an awful panic attack yesterday) other parts that may join in as secondary to the primary illness. The health fund just won't see that. I'm speaking to a legal aide type lawyer (a free service), he's meant to be the best in the area to see if anything can be done. All I really have now is that the health fund did give me verbal approval (and they tape their phone calls) that I was covered and should go get packed to go to the hospital I needed. Later they pulled back out, but it will be interesting to see if legally their allowed to do that as well.

I've also already got a new health fund in line ready to swap too as there's no way I'll be paying this own old fund anymore money when they can't look after their clients, just lie and twist things around to suit themselves.

Hang in there angel...my thoughts are with you