My relationship is ending

I'm assuming you are a ***....please correct me if I am mistaken.

I am a gay man who came out to my friends and family when I was young (16). Although they all knew, the coming out experience is still a painful one because sometimes we are not comfortable in our own skin yet. From what you wrote, it sounds like your girlfriend is still sorting out who she is and how she feels about it all, which is very common.

You can't push her to do anything and you don't want to pressure her to come out to her parents, but I think it's healthy to communicate how you both feel without passing judgement. But if a relationship isn't working, sometimes you have to move on.

Is their any LBGT counseling or groups available where you live? It could very helpful for both of you to meet other people who are going through the same thing.

Depression in the LBGT community is three times the rate of the community as a whole. So is drug and alcohol abuse. It's very important to address both issues early on, so they don't become a problem that defines your life.

Let us know how you're doing!
GEORGE

mousey,

i'm not gay, but i am old and have had a lot of experiences.  when we lived in england my wife and i had a wonderful gay friend.  we loved him like a younger brother. we also had friends who were a much older gay couple who had been together for about 30 yrs.

i know that this experience is limited, but it does give me a small foundation from which to generalize.  what george said in his post is confirmed in my experience.  our younger friend was always "looking for mr goodbar" (if you emember the movie).  he would find "mr right" only to find that his selection was distructive.  he covered his depression by always being the life of the party.  he was not alcoholic, although he did drink socially, and he did not abuse drugs.

i also want to point out that these exact same things can be said about many heteros and bi's.  not being hetero does not make you any more wierd or self-distructive than most of the heteros and bi's that i've known in my life.

you did say one thing that concerns me.  you said that you and your girl friend were having trouble communicating.  this is a death sentence for any relationship - i don't care what it is.  sex is great and wonderful and makes you feel good.  but if you and your partner can't communicate, you only have a short-term sexual relationship.  long-term relationships require commitment and commitment takes honesty and communication.

i hope this helps.  i wish you and your girlfriend the very best no matter what the outcome.

warren

You both make very  good points and that whole thing about finding "mr right" distructive is sometimes how I feel, don't get me wrong God I love my girlfriend more than anything in this world but I find myself breaking down and stressing out and questioning how she feels and then finally just breaking into tears. I want to tell her this myself but how do I do that? Where do I begin to even communicate. I've never been in a relationship where I care enough about someone to do that ... what I'm trying to say is I care about this relationship and don't want to lose my girlfriend. I just don't know how to communicate .  I end up contradicting myself when I talk about this, so if I have done or do end up doing it pleazse let me know.

Thanks to you all xxx

-x-Mousey-x-

Hello..How are you?...I may have some input here but since the profiles seem to be somewhat limited I don`t know a lot about the person who originally posted..I am assuming Mousey is female?...An age would be nice...Also you seem confused about various sexual classifications...I am transgendered myself and am very active in the GLBT community and run a local support group....But I must agree with others who have said that a relationship that isn`t working or where things must be kept hidden are the same regardless of ones sexual orientation

mouse,

i'm the wong one to ask about communication.  most people consider me "aloof" and concieted.  i have few friends and don't really get along with people very well.  i don't suffer fools gladly and point out their foolishness 9never a big conversation opener).

 i am jewish and, like many jews, i learned to communicate by arggueing or debating.  my wife is not jewish and this tradition just makes her nervous and angry.  she is always telling me to communicate more.  i tell her that when i do we end up in an arguement.  then she says that it wouldn't have degenerated into an arguement if i hadn't contradicted her.  get the picture? 

don't worry about how you are going to say things.  i once knew someone who rehersed eery conversation, only to have the conversation fall apart.  is this perhaps what you are attempting to do?  concentrate on WHAT you want to say.  the HOW will generally take care of itself.

hope this helps.

warren

Heya! Sorry I haven't replied to anyone recently but my internet stopped working.

Okay firstly thanks to all for typing in their opinions, it's very much appreciated .

I have good news yesterday we both really communicated with each other and it was really great! Okay to be honest it all started out with me having a few drinks - I guess that's bad but it opened a door in our relationship for me! I didn't know how my girlfriend (just going to call her K) really felt until last night. This morning when we woke up things felt better  :mad.gif','','mad');" height=15 alt=mad src="https://www.healingwell.com/community/emoticons/mad: ) and even though he cheated on me and totally hurt me we've remained very close friends (yeah even I'm confused ) but K is still worried that something is going to happen between me and him even though I have told her I don't like him in that way anymore! Even if I was single I wouldn't date the dude lol. Does anyone think I might be better off cutting contact with him??

Hey Sara you're right I am female and I'm 17 years old - oh yeah that reminds me is it tru that you can't have gay sex until you're 18? Am I breaking the law?

 

>>>>>>Hey Sara you're right I am female and I'm 17 years old - oh yeah that reminds me is it tru that you can't have gay sex until you're 18? Am I breaking the law?<<<<<

 

   Oh my!..I think that might depend on a lot of things..Where you live..How old your partner is etc..In some states it is still technically illegal to have homosexual sex ever although the laws aren't enforced...But generally the age for that type of sex is the same for any type and would fall under your states age of consent laws ...As far as the rest of it I`ll have to go back and read all your posts as I kind of got lost with the him/her references in your last message

 

  But I think at your age you shouldn`t be getting to serious about ANY sort of romance gay or hetero to be so distraught