So, now I'm the bad guy.
Spouse has been depressed since 2003 and only in November 2006 did she agree to see a pyschiatrist and admit to being depressed. Now, she is on medication and has good days and bad.
For many years she would 1. deny she was depressed, 2. refuse to attend therapy that I set up with a shrink for couples, 3. refuse to see that shrink by herself, stopped going after 2 or 3 visits. I would defend her against her mother who insisted (correctly) that she was depressed. I found the last couples therapist we went to in the fall, therapy which failed. I have tried for 4 years.
She won't: 1. work, 2. mind our 2.5 year old son (he's in day care now, better than being cooped up on the house), 3. walk the dog (her dog), 4. clean up after the dog, 5. shop or leave the house, except to smoke, 6. reconnect with her friends or make new ones.
She does: 1. go week or so without showering, 2. watch lots of TV, 3. blame me for wanting to leave her, 4. calls on me to do "more" for her (in addition to being the sole breadwinner, and taking the boy most weekend, all weekend--not complaining, I will take him always), 5. get upset when I want to go out and see my friends (which is 2-3x per month; I'm always home by 9-10pm).
So, my therapist says I'm selfish to leave, since she's asked me to stay until she gets better--that was in November 2006. Now, she is putting restrictions on when i got out, which is not often and get mad when I do go out. "Have more sympathy" she says, "be patient" she says.
I'd like to hear from some of you and ask: is it reasonable to expect more emotional support from me? What is a reasonable time before I can leave--dependent on her improvement, how is that measured? What kind of pychological damage is causing me--how do I weigh that?