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my mom is depressed. I dont know what to do.

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Posted 3/20/2007 6:05 PM (GMT 0)
I need some advice.

Here is my story.

I recently found some medication my mother has been taking. I looked it up online, and found out she was taking an anti-depressant. I never knew she was depressed, she must be a good actress. She does not know that I know, she has not told me or my brother. I am wondering what I should do. Can I help her? Should I keep me knowing a secret? I don't know who to turn to, I dont want to expose her secret, even to my brother. I just want to know if I could help, what I should do, if I can do anything. I need some advice. I'm lost with stuff like this.

Thank You.

Posted 3/20/2007 6:38 PM (GMT 0)
First of all let me say that I am a mother of three children. As a mom, we do our best to let on like we are are "Meryl Streep" in an awarding winning role but down deep inside we may feel that we are dying inside. Im not sure what depth of depression your mother is in. It could be a mild depression that the medical doc ordered her some meds to get her through some issues she is having or it could be that she is more depressed than that. Without that info, giving you advice would be wrong. I can tell you that from a mother's point of view, I would probably let my mother know that she is taking this med (do this in a relaxed environment-just you and her) and want to know what is going on and what you can do. I dont know your age so it is hard as well for me to give anymore advice than that. Just reassure your mom that you are worried about her and that she is not alone. The thing that always worried me most is that my illness was a burden on my children, she may also feel that way, be prepared for her to be defensive that may happen. The biggest most effective thing you can do is show strength and concern!!!
Let me know.
Teresa
Posted 3/21/2007 6:41 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there worried.. Welcome to HW tongue

Well, firstly your mum is obviously a survivor..having had a bout of ?depression she has managed to keep herself together with out involving or worrying her family..wow she deserves a gold medal! As to the prob of approaching her about your find of meds and looking it up on the net - sheesh if it was me I would be pretty peeved in some respects..but in others relieved as everything would be out in the open.

By the way, those of us who suffer depression are brilliant actors lol..and can conceal our anxietys Most of the time!

What you choose to do is your biz..but it seems to me that she is coping really well just now...so you could just keep an eye on her and say nothing until/if you feel the need to share your concerns with her.

Wonderful that you care so much about your mum and have reached out here and asked for advice tongue

Maree

Posted 3/21/2007 7:19 PM (GMT 0)
Mom's never want to worry their children.  It isn't your job to "take care" of your mother and she must feel that way or she wouldn't have said something by now. If you just "watch" your mom she will notice and wonder if you are alright.  It will cause you worry and she will notice that too.  If you and your mom have the kind of realtionship where you worry about each other then you really should talk to her.  You don't have to include your brother in the conversation.  Understand that she is in charge of her own condition and is taking care of herself.  If it were me, I would not want to put the burden on my kids but if one of them approached me to talk and offer support I would appreciate that and I would be honest with them.

I also want to point out that there are lots of reasons that people take antidepressants.  Lots of women take them for purposes of dealing with the mood swings that menopause can bring on.  It does not mean that she is in crisis so don't jump to conclusions.  Start the conversation and then let your mom take the lead.

 

Posted 3/24/2007 9:51 PM (GMT 0)
One thing to keep in mind is that anti-depressants can be prescribed for many, many different things beside depression. (sleep disturbances, migraines, bladder control problems - you name it!)  Rather than assume that your mom is having problems, you need to speak to her.  Maybe just casually bring it up? -"hey, mom, I noticed that you are taking ****, is everything ok?"  I definately wouldn't mention it to anyone else, because it may be problem that she feels is very private.

Good luck!

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