Now I am really depressed

Oh tase, I am sorry .... if I had to say right now what I am looking forward to I cant come up with anything.  Dont let it get you down, baseball is a good pick-me-up for guys....maybe you can see about actually going to some baseball games instead of sitting home and watching?  I dont know just throwing out an idea here

Retirement!!!   Hey, it is still something to look forward to....even if it is several years away

Great plan except we made the conscience decision to use possible vacation money to by my wife a diomand ring I have been promising for 14 years. Then I tacked on some serious Home Theater equipment for me.

We took lots of trips within our first 10 years or so of marriage.

But now that you have me thinking we can maybe swing a trip to somewhere in Canada. We have been talking about that on and off for many years.

You see, I get anxious just thinking about it. Maybe I should look forward to both of us trying to work out our mental health issues and try feeling well first. 

I would struggle to come up with many things that I am looking forward to in the next 12 months. I try not to let to bother me though. If your a baseball fan, perhaps you could go out and play baseball with some friends or perhaps join a club? Watch the games on the TV (or as Els suggested, maybe going to them live) and look for ways to improve your game as well. As for retirement, thats 53 years away for me (assuming the government dont change the law AGAIN!). But there are still so many things you can pack into 15 years. I love the idea of a cruise (Thanks jordaNZone). Perhaps you could climb a mountain (I suppose it depends where you live, I live about 10 miles from a mountain) learn a new skill (A musical instrument or a language). Actually a language would be great because as well as looking forward to mastery of your new skill, you can look forward to a holiday where they speak your new langauge. Plus, you get the confidence from going to a country and communicating in their language! The possibilities are endless!!!

Darren

Sounds like a great project for you tase..I am electronically challenged ~ you're on your own with this one lol.

I am curious how it works with two people in the same house being depressed..bad enuff when it's just me lol..are you a good influence on each other when times are low?

Maree

My wife has a long history with mental illness & depression. I knew this wehn we got married.  I have always been her rock. Overall she has things a lot more in check now than she she has in the past, but still suffers.

I on the other hand, never had any problems until a major work reorg now about 10 years ago, where I got the shaft.

I started suffering from symptoms I still can't explain. They really fit more into the mold of panic attacks, but as with everything single thing in my life, they were nom specific.

Anxiety, panic attacks, have a specific beginning and end time. (of course not usually brought on by something specific). Mine were never like that. A kind of dizziness, could pas out feeling. A very cloudy brain. But could never be put into a time frame.

Anyway they started treating me for depression/anxiety about 10 yrs ago.

Sometimes I am tired of trying to be her rooting section. Sometimes I just can't do it.

I snapped at her last night for maybe the 2nd or 3rd time in 18+ years. Not a big snap mind you, I just blasted her, because she said my gum was making her sick.

I now can't chew gum along with many other concessions made over the years. I defifintely just gave in to everything many many years back. I am just tired of everything.

The sad fact is that we really share no common interests other than our pets.

Really none that I can think of.

My guess is that if we both weren't kind of dependent on the other, we would be looking at a split. I think we are both way too affraid of that prospect.

My guess is that is exactly what she and I were both thinking during the 30 minutes or so of silence after the gum incident.

I am also going through withdrawal from Effexor (see the effexor withdrawal thread) and I vowed not to make any kinds of crazy decisions until that is all clear. But those feelings are not new, but I will not make any rash decisions either.

Everyone I know has asked how I have managed to put up with it for all these years. Even mom & mil.

She has lost her hearing within the last 5 years in totally unrelated circumstances, plus has constant tinittus, which has caused a lot of problems and lander her on disability.

How can I ever leave someone that is on disability? I can't.

So you see all this home theater stuff, is great except she can't handle anything with lots of volume. So even when I do set it up, I will only get to fully enjoy it in rare circumstances. Why did I even get all this stuff? I don't know.

Sorry about the rant, but it all came flowing out. Of course there is a lot more to it. Any of course I feel the the bad guy, guilty party in whatever I do. I feel like I have pushed her away, which maybe I have.

Anyway everyone enjoy your weekend.

I gues I answered the question of 2 depressed people in one house; it's not easy.

tase

Thanks jordaNZone
I woke up this morning and was thinking about deleting my last post since nobody had replied to.

As with marriage, I suppose, yesterday was a pretty good day. All or many of those things are still true, we really still don't share a whole lot in common, and there were many moments of silence.

 

I can see to boredom on her face. I hear her sighs of discontent, but we plugged on through.

 

 

You will be happy to know, that after staring at the box almost all day, at around 8PM I decided to tackle the home theater. I was shaking. Geez, this is supposed to be my happy hobby. but anxiety was crazy. Anyway I plugged through, anxiety slowly crept away, although I was still a bit shaky.

 

 

I had determine that while this system can do pretty much everything but clean your house, if set up to its capacity, I would hook it up in the simplest way at least to get it in there and fine tune later. I DID IT. It works and everything.

 

I will try and play more today, but it is my MIL birthday, so big feast at her house. Oh darn.

 

We have toyed with the headphone idea for quite sometime, and we both embrace it. The major roadblock is that we need something that actually has a left and right volume controls or at minimum, a balance control to putt all the sound towards her left side.

 

I was very close to try TVEars. WE might still try, but reviews are sketchy.

 

Anyway I best be going.

The withdrawal effects and the cold symptoms seem to be dissipating. I am not going to do a dance until I am sure all effexor is out of my system, but I am hopeful.

 

jordaNZone

you are a remarkable human being..thanx for sharing your story..I feel honoured and by the way you are not a 'bad guy'!

I am just curious as to what sparked those remarks. If it was meant as kind of a morale booster, it worked , but I don't see a lot of "remarkable" in there.

 

Too be continued.

 

Tase, so glad you set up your home theatre..see I was right you are 'remarkable' lol

I meant that you are a remarkable person in the sense that you have stood by and supported your wife thru all her troubled times over the years..then just to top things off you have suffered depression yourself and survived that too..sheesh that's quite an ask for anyone!

So, what's the next challenge in your life?

Maree

jordaNZone said...

Tase..I don't know anything about your probs u mention and don't feel I can even begin to comment...But I think it's great that you feel comfortable to talk about stuff here at HW

Maree

Although I do feel comfy enough, I am going to delete that particular post, but contine to contribute to the forum and this thread.

Maree

I've got nothing.

Honestly right now I am fighting the 2nd round of this stupid cold. It is spreading around work and some people like me are on the 2nd round.

I just want to feel a little healthier, then start thinking about something sparkley.

Thank you very much for checking in.

Just here for a quick check in.

I accomplished some major work on my Home Theater this weekend. No anxiety. I have one more piece of aquipment I am waiting for, and that will be complete.

Of course I did not do any of the things that Maree suggested . Bad tase.

But we have been doing a nice walking DVD together during the Nor'easter and through the week. It felt pretty good to excercise. We got out and walked this weekend in the nice weather.

I will try and keep up with the excercising, and see if I can obtain my listed goal of feeling healthy.

It is so hard to deal with faithfully. I had to start over in my life about 4 years ago,and still have not totally gotten on my feet. I was used to be the money maker, but was also getting treated like a punching bag. So,I have to really remind myself that everyday.
I guess,if you think about the past,then think about the bad things that happened,that you are not dealing with right now. That is what I have to do everyday,and it makes "looking forward" to the day a little easier.


Shy