There is hope,here is my story and my new beginning

I can see myself in all of your posts in more ways than one.
I fell into harsh depression at about the ago of 10 I think. That was when my mom broke my arm because I was in her way. Then she started drinking,and leaving us. I remember covering my brother's ears so he would not hear her moaning in the middle of the night. (she brought another strange man home)
Then at the age of 12 the man that SHE hired to babysit us started molesting me, At the young age of 13 he raped me. He told me that if I ever told anyone that he would do the same to my brother as he was doing to me. My brother was 5. I did not say a word to anyone. I vowed to protect him no matter what it took. My mom had already proven to me that she did not want me so why would she help? That went on for another 2 years. I finally ran away and never went back...
I have never been the same since.
I met a guy when I was 16, and thought he was my knight that would save me.
We married at 17,I became pregnant,and when I was 6 months along he decided I would be a nice punching bag.
That lasted for the next 13 years. I finally got enough guts to leave,and take my kids with me.
Here I am at 37,basically starting over. I don't have a college education of course. I met a man 3 years ago that changed my life forever. My kids live 2 hrs away,and I don't get to see them as much as I want..but they are 16 and 18 and have their own lives. I am not on meds at this time because quite frankly I became addicted to all of the stuff they gave me and abused them. My b/f decided that enough was enough,and helped me get off of the meds.
I still struggle with panic attacks and depression.
But,I decided that I do not want to ever go back to the way I was. I wanted to be able to wake up every day without feeling like I want to end my life.
It has been a very long road. And I am still amazed that I was able to survive it.
What I am trying to tell you is that you can get better. It is a long road. And you will go through alot of pain.
But,you can get better.
Life deals you harsh hands at times. But,if you are strong then you will survive.


Shy

Me reading that makes me think that i am imagining my depression i am only 18 but nothing like that has happened to me i dont think its right for me to talk about my problems on here if everybody has gone through alot worse like you. im sorry for wasting everybodys time.

ShynSassy said...

But,I decided that I do not want to ever go back to the way I was. I want to be able to wake up every day without feeling like I want to end my life.
It has been a very long road. And I am still amazed that I was able to survive it.
What I am trying to tell you is that you can get better. It is a long road. And you will go through alot of pain.
But,you can get better.
Life deals you harsh hands at times. But,if you are strong then you will survive.
Shy

Please feel hugged if you like. It is more difficult to write the past than to read it if someone is not involved, but even reading it was quite a heavy thing for me right now. You are a strong and very brave person! And I wish you that your wish comes true and you fight the depression and panik and suizidal thoughts.

@confused/angry There is no need to have a vita like this to be depressed. There are many many reasons and causes for Depression. A vita like this is an extreme and it is a miracle someone can survive that at all. But developing a depression is not about how heavy an incident is, but how you are able to cope with it and this is something which changes from personality to personality. Believe me, whatever happened, the pain of the depression is still real and disabling. No matter what age, no matter what started it.

Love
Depri

Confused
I did not post that for any other reason than I wanted people to understand why I was here. Please stay and post because quite frankly me being able to give advice and emotions to the people on this site is one of the major reasons I am healing. And I think you will find that it will do the same for you. Everyone with depression on this site can help each other.
Everyone has been through alot in their lives. It might not be the same as the other person,but it is still hard to get through depression no matter what triggered it.


Shy