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Posted 5/2/2007 6:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,

I'm a newbie here. My husband was diagnosed today with ADHD and depression, which we pretty much both knew were the problem, its just taken a few weeks to get an appointment and get the insurace ironed out.

We have a 20 month old son, and i'm 25 weeks pregnant with our next boy, and the downward spiral the depression has caused in my husband and in our relationship has really taken a toll on me. He is my best friend, and he has been so distant and uninvolved in everything that I feel like I am all by myself. The logical part of my brain understands that it is NOT about me, and that he loves me, our son, and the one on the way...but the emotional side of me just wants my husband back.

 They prescribed him med's today, and he goes for talk tehrapy next week, and I know it will help, but there is a part of me that is afraid it is too late, and he has just disconnected from me so much he wont find his way back.

Thanks for listening, I really have no other outlet to get this out of me, which is why I came here.

Posted 5/2/2007 10:45 PM (GMT 0)

Hi mommybean, welcome to healing well forum we are so glad to have you join us here.  I am sorry for the difficult time your family is having now.  I realize things most likely seem uncertain right now but I can see some positives in your post here.  One is that your husband went to the doctor and sought help.  That is usually a big hurdle with a lot of men, bigger for those that have ADHD.  Second, that he would be willing to taking medication to help with these issues.

I understand that you feel isolated from your husband and wish for your life with him to go back to way things were before.  With depression I am sure your husband feels isolated from everything and just perhaps life in general.  That doesnt have anything to do with is amount of love for you and his children, it is just that over time when you have depression it tends to eat away at you slowly.  It can take away from you the feelings of everything that you enjoy and hold dear in life but, the good thing is that with the right treatment and working closely with his doctor depression is completely treatable as is ADHD.  My suggestion would be to do lots of research on this disorder and though it is difficult on you be as supportive as possible because having a strong support system is very important.  Hang in there and please know that you are always welcome to post here for information and support...Take care.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/healthinformation/depressionmenu.cfm

http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/guide/adhd-adults

Posted 5/2/2007 10:49 PM (GMT 0)
Well, the meds they prescribed are too expensive, even with generic and under our insurance. He still will go for the talk therapy, but honestly, I am terrified that it will not be enough. I don't know what to do to help him, and it's breaking my heart becuase I just seem to constantly say or do the wrong thing. I don't know how to take myself out of the equation and help him.

Is it possible for him to get thru this without medication? Can anyone give me advice on how to help him during all of this? I don't want to wreck my marriage by constantly saying or doing the wrong thing, but that is all I seem to be doing.
Posted 5/2/2007 11:27 PM (GMT 0)

Okay well yeah sometimes the meds can be expensive so there are several options to that.  One is that you call the doc and ask them to change the prescription to something your insurance will cover or is out in generic form.  The other option is telling the doc that they are way too expensive and seeing if he will give out samples...if he prescribed something like Lexapro or Cymbalta which is the two newest on the market, I am sure that they have tons of samples from drug reps and most doctors do not mind giving these out to patients who cant afford the meds.

Another option is to look into prescription assistance with the actual drug company for which the medication he was prescribed.  The drug companies know that insurance companies are making it more and more difficult for people to get and afford these type of medications so they have put in place assistance for those people so they can get their medications.  If your interested in trying this route you can call your pharmacy and they should direct you or give you information on how to contact them.

As for wrecking your marriage by saying or doing the wrong thing...it sounds like he is responding to you with anger eyes ...I am sorry for that.  Of course you will have to decide what is the best option for you and your child/children but, perhaps sitting him down or taking him out to dinner (where it would be hard for him to yell) and explaining your feelings to him would be a good idea.  It is easy to ignore the problem or tell yourself that hopefully things get better with time...but you should know that this isnt your fault and you dont deserve to be treated this way...regardless of how he feels, depression or not.  And if things are this way then I would say yes, he most likely does need the meds and it would be very difficult for anything to change unless he took them.

We are here for you...

Posted 5/2/2007 11:58 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your responses. We talk pretty openly, or at least we try to, but here lately it's been really difficult. He says he can feel himself disconnecting from me emotionally, and its not what he wants. He is a SAHD to our son, and is really a great Dad. It seems most of his problems are with me and I honestly don't know why. I learned today that part of the ADHD is to say things as if he does not have a filter from his brain to his mouth, and we both kinda laughed, because that is him to a T. I guess what hurts me the most is he is still able to act like the same person for his friends, maybe it is easier, because he can hide things from them easier. But, he can be there to talk to a friend who is going thru a diffiuclt health issue, he can go up to school to help our friend cram for his final, but when he sees me, he seems to just want to stick his head in the sand and pretend im not there. This is NOTHING like what our relationship has been for the past three years, so it has really thrown me for a loop. I'v read thru some of the posts here and it seems some people DO tend to disconnect from the people they love the most, but I feel like it is not only shortchanging me, but our son i am carrying to. He was very invloved with the other pregnancy, and hardly seems to even want to acknowledge this one, even though I know that somewhere in there, he is excited. It just can't seem to find its way out.

Hopefully, we will hear back from his dr tomoorw. The med he was prescribed is Zoloft, so I won't be suprised if he cannot get samples of it, since it is not new. I will definitely look into finding out if the drug companies offer any aid too. It was just a real let down today, because it seemed as if there was a light at the end of the tunnel for him, and it just keeps getting farther away. Compound all that with MY pregnancy hormones, and it's just making for a rough go of it.
Thanks again for taking the time to respond. It really means a lot.
Posted 5/3/2007 3:52 AM (GMT 0)
:-)  Welcome mommybean~

I will say that you found one of the most wonderful resources on the web!  I know this because although there are times when I am sure that the mods want to pull their hair out when they eal with me, I am always assured that we all care about what each other are going through!

I am glad you are here!!

Hugs,

Teresa

Posted 5/3/2007 1:34 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, this seems like a pretty good place to be right now. Now, my husband is waffling back and forth about even wanting to take the medication at all. On my end, I can see his behavior does NOT match the person I have been with for the past 3 years, but he's trying to tell himself its not as bad as it seems, I think more out of frustration than anything else. I'm so stressed over it all, that i can barely manage to force myself to eat one meal a day, which is horrible for me, but even more so for our son growing inside me. I've cried more in the last two weeks than I have in the last 10 years of my life, and it breaks my heart, because I know that no matter how bad it is for me, its SOOO much worse for him to be living with these feelings and overwhelming emotions. I know that no matter how helpless I feel, he feels it even more so.

Today is another day, so i'm hoping some sort of good news will come our way.
Thanks again for listening.
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