Is this all fake? Please reas, I am really down

Hi everyone,

I was dignosed with depression and anxiety in dec 06

I have done countless anxiety and depression tests and always get high scores saying I am suffereing both

I am seeing a councillor and was prescribed anti-depressants....

But i STILL can't deep down let it sink into my mind that this is what is causing me to be the way I am!

I am in such a rut.

Due to as you all probabley know by now, feeling totally dodgy and weird towards my boyfrind who has been a great support to me, I have became obsessed with relationships. I know this may sound silly but if:

I read/see on tv/hear of a couple (famous or not famous) splitting up I feel really down,teary and awful and think "Well theres no hope for me, I'm doomed.

If I read/see/hear of couples lasting,getting over bad patches,being together for years I kind of go on some kind of weird high and think "Yay we can last too" and feel happy and hyper, but this quickly wears off.

Also the minute I pick up a magazine/newspaper I skip straight to the problem pages to see whats going on with all the relationships, and then my horoscopes and I ALWAYS seem to find a way to relate it back to me.

My councillor has told me a million times why I am feeling like this, but I still go on about everything as if I don't know whats making me like this.

She says its typical depression/anxiety and shes seen it a million times in a million people and I'm a classic case. Also the student nurse with he also said this.

I sometimes think I don't have anxiety and depression and I just hate my bf for no apparent reason, as I don't feel like this about anyone else. But the minute hes gone I miss him, I think about him all the time and still like cuddling into him etc, so why am I feeling this way??

I am in the state of mind at the moment of not believing anything is wrong with me, and I analyse every thought/feeling and emotion that arises.

Is this depression or am I infact making this all up and just being an idiot. I am not getting anywhere. I am looking in on a life that isn't mine.

I also phoned the docs this morning to see if they could reccomend a good psychiatrist. They said they don't know anyone and don't know where to find one. Where will then, any ideas??

Thanks 

Yea I hope I can find someone who can really help.

I'd just like to know if it is normal to feel like this owards a loved one when suffereing depression, I don't know how to handle it very well as there aren't many resources on this topic, or many people who suffer it or talk about it if they do?

Has anyone else felt like this towards their partner? It had come over me all of a sudden for no apparent reason, and I hate feeling like this but I can't control or stop it either.

My councillor says she has had lots of people with anxiety/depression have this problem and the same as me not know where/why it happened!

Any help would be great!

Scotsgal,
I used to do that too. Although it may not have been a relationship type of thing I'd read something and it would effect me in such a way that I'd start thinking those type of things that you said. I kinda got rid of that by just getting away from it. Just put down your "People" magazine and read a nice relaxing book. Just get away from it all. Stop reading the things that make you feel like that. Those magazines aren't your bible, and they shouldn't control how you feel when you read them. I know you might feel as if you don't deserve your bf's help, or you think you're always taking and never actually giving back to him, he's there for you, and probably for a long time too. Just calm down, and don't try to over analyze things. You don't have to take my advice, but it helped me. i used to over analyze things and I still do, but if you just stop your self, it'll make you feel better. Atleast a little. I don't know if that helped you, or even made any sense, but good luck to you.

Morgan

Scotsgal...

I am becoming really concerned about how you are feeling just now..I believe that it's time to go back to your doctor and explain that you are still feeling miserable - tell him everything you have told us..

What meds are you on now? Maybe they need adjusting? I think you would really benefit from seeing a good psychiatrist - plz go back to your doc (take your boyfriend or a close friend with you if you don't wanna go alone) and tell him what you want out of life..our life is not a dress rehursal - and you deserve sooo much more quality out of yours than you are getting just now

"She says its typical depression/anxiety and shes seen it a million times in a million people and I'm a classic case."

I find this statement from your councillor totally annoying and unproffesional...each case of depression is different and should be treated as such - with respect!

You will find that once you start taking action and start fighting for better things in life that you will feel remarkably better about things...start taking control Scotsgal...you Can do it!

Maree

 

Hi all,

Just to let you know I have an appointment with my doc on Tuesday, so I'm gonna try and get new meds, and see about a psyc.

Just to let you all know :)

I don't know myself I just seem to do it, its like everyone and everything else influences my thoughts, I know it shouldn't but it does.

Fpr example yday a man at mywork who is a lot older than me asked how long I'd been with my bf- 2 and a half years actually.

He then said well I dunno if thats a good thing, you dunno what you missing.

All day I questioned my relationship after that, and had the symptoms of a could be small panic attack.

I do know what I'm missing and it isn't what I want.

Thanks

Hello,

Well had a slightly weird weekend,

Went out with my bf and his sister and her bf to the bowling in our town.

Me & my bf got on great and we had a good time, up until his sis and bf started arguing, I felt soooo awkward and wanted to cry!

Really don't know why though!

Then throughout the weekend I have been really teary for no reason!

On Sat me and my bf had a fall out, over something stupid, me not wanting him to go out clubbing. Anyway anytime we have one of our little arguements, I always think NOOO this is the end of us blah blah, and any little thing seems 10000 times bigger than it is, basically I tend to make mountains out of mole hills, I get really down when we argue I mean majorly. I just feel like giving up when I get that down. We made up though and had a really long talk, hes been really trying hard since, but still I don't really appreciate it. I want to but I just don't know how to at the minute.

Then on Sunday we were watching Stand by me, the film, at the end of it I started crying..as I do. But usually it'll calm down 2 mins after the films finished, but oh no not that night! I sat and cried for near enough half an hour afterwards. And I mean howling. My bf looked amazed. He didn't know what was wrong with me as I was fine one minute and bawling my eyes out the next! He cuddled me so tight I thought I was going to burst but I still didn't calm down any more.

Then! This morning I was rushing around trying to get ready for work, but couldn't find my hairbrush or trousers and some other stuff. I just felkt inside that I went limp and cpouldn't be bothered even trying and I basically sat on the edge of my bed for 5 mins just sitting in a daze. I felt that way a few times this morning. Just like pffft stuff it. And falling out with myself.

Then! I know another one! I was sitiing on the bus, and thinking through an important call I had to make today. I couldn't make sense of what I was saying though. I was trying to say 'will there be any becoming free' but I kept saying in my head will there any be becoming free. And I knew it sounded wrong, but at the time I din't know WHAT was wrong with it.

So...another stormy weekend for me again...is this the depression too??

yes, it is indeed! weird isn't it!