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Posted 5/18/2007 10:31 PM (GMT 0)
Today I told my boyfriend that I was going to start taking antidepressants, that I already have an appointment. He told me if he found them, he'd just flush them down the toilet.

My boyfriend is very much against psychotropic drugs and therapy, he thinks psychiatrists are just crooks/quacks and that antidepressants are addictive and harmful and not a solution but causing a bigger problem. I, on the other hand, honestly feel like this is my best option right now and I don't know how to make him understand that.

I'm doing this for him as much as for myself. I know my moodiness and jealousy and irrational anxiety and irritability puts a strain on our relationship. I know if I could fix this, we would be so much better. But I don't have his support in this and it almost makes me feel guilty for wanting to take them, and I know I'll have to hide them and be secretive about it and I don't want that.

What should I do? Is there any way to make someone so stubborn understand? I think he might feel that it's an insult to him, like he can't make me happy or worse, he's making me depressed enough to take drugs, but it's not him. It has nothing to do with him. I'm just broken. sad
Posted 5/19/2007 12:33 AM (GMT 0)

Pick up the book Against Depression It describes new research that proves the physical changes that depression causes on the brain and is very easy to read.

Some of the new research is that Depression can be diagnosed by autopsy. The brain is made up of several different types of cells.  Depressives (those with depression) have less of a certain type of cell in the frontal lobe causing them to be more susceptible to enviromental factors.  The book describes is much better than I ever could.

There was more research that demonstrated how a part of the brain is actually damaged by the condition of depression.  The longer you have it, the more damge there is.

Depression is not that much diffrent than heart failure.  There is a change in the body when you get heart failure. You can tell heart failure on tests, but for the most part you can't tell you have it untill an attack happens.  At that point you have to change parts of your life and possibly take medications.  The medications may be short term, or long term, but there is no way to tell that in the beginging when the attack happens.

Heart conditions and heart failure are accepted medical conditions because there has been more research done on that area.  Development on Depression is more difficult because the measurements taken are harder to achieve.  It took years to come up with the research that was there and more info is just coming in.

Sometimes guys need the hard facts and not emotional stories to show them that something is real. Buy him the book.

Posted 5/19/2007 1:00 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much for the recommendation, Christina. I will most certainly look for this book, it sounds like it may well be very helpful! And if not, at least it will be interesting for me to read :P
Posted 5/19/2007 2:16 AM (GMT 0)
sad  It is a shame that someone that loves you has this view of depression.  It is not uncommon though.  When I was 21, my first husband said and DID the same thing.  Living with someone that either doesnt or cant understand is one of the hardest things in life to do.

 

You did make a comment however that you are doing it for him as well as you, this must be done for YOU and YOU only then everything else falls into place.  I know this because I lived through it when I was your age.

 

Depression is the ugliest thing in the world to me and when I look back at someone that put me through hell because I was ill still haunts me today.

 

Please make sure that you take care of you first!  If it is Gods will, he will come around.  Educating is good for someone that is willing but as they say, you can lead a horse to water but making him drink is another thing.

 

Good luck to you.

Posted 5/19/2007 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
Just wanted to add to all the good advice given here, perhaps you could take him along with you to the p/doc so that the doc can explain it to him - might give him a bit of insight and understanding - if not, and he's not prepared to try, well then as said earlier, maybe he isn't the one for you - and I don't like to say that either - we all choose our own paths, but.... and you really do have to do this for YOU no-one else, everyone else will benefit in the long run, but not until you are at peace with how you think, feel and act.

Best Wishes.

Deb

Posted 5/19/2007 3:51 AM (GMT 0)
He sounds like he's more focused on himself than you or your suffering. I really don't like the bit about throwing out your meds -who has that right? Nobody. It's a form of control. Some people will not understand no matter what you do to educate them. But you know, i don't have to understand your pain to be able to see that you're in pain, and to stand by your side. I'm really sorry, but this is not the type of person who will comfort you or support you (he already doesn't). Depression is hard enough to deal with, and you really need a degree of empathy and compassion from someone. Not having to struggle about control or dominance issues, much less your own God-given right of free will. (That one you might want to point out).
Never let people into your life who seek control over you in any way. 'Cause right away that tells you you are not seen as an equal. Trust me, it's miserable, disappointing and you will not be happy or know peace.
:-) Want to guess how i learned all that?


Poet
Posted 5/19/2007 12:02 PM (GMT 0)
Hardspace,
Ok..I am going to have to take a deep breath here because I am a little angry...
Who is he to flush your meds down the toilet? At some point you might want to let him know just that. He has no right.
Just because he does not believe in something does not mean that you have to not believe it too.
You are individuals and have your own beliefs.

I am sorry but,as I said before he has no right. Yes maybe taking him to the doctor with you might help,but it really sounds like you are going to have a long road of healing if he is not supporting you.
Maybe let him know that if he was going through something and you did not really believe in what the doctor told him to do..that you would still support him and his decisions.
At some point it is about respect for you as an individual and not him trying to control your decisions.

It needs to be about you getting better,and in order to do that you are going to need support.

Please keep us posted

Shy
Posted 5/19/2007 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Hardspacecore..

I understand the 'broken' feeling only too well eyes 'ick' not a good place to be..especially when our nearest and dearest are not understanding what the 'heck' is going on with us!

It would be sooo much easier if we had broken our arm and had to wear a plastercast..people can see instantly that you have a prob and act accordingly..

Just out of curiousity what did your boyfriend recommend as a solution to depression? He may not have realised that you have been feeling so low (we are pretty good actors - even when we are feeling like *#@! lol) and be feeling guilty about this.

If you and your doc. decide that taking meds is the answer..then Do it for you..never mind what others say..you are your own person and you have recognised that you are not well just now and are seeking help - and I say 'well done'! tongue

Seek some counselling to help learn new skills to deal with depression and those around you..

Keep posting.

Maree

Posted 5/19/2007 6:07 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for the understand and support. And for the great advice as well!

I think the problem is the way I brought up the subject with him. We were arguing and I was being kind of short with him, and he mentioned how I've been really moody lately and I was like "Well, dont worry, I'll take care of that next week" and he said "Right, because there's a pill for that" and I said "Yeah, and I'll be taking it."

I think if I were to honestly sit down and have a [mature] serious conversation with him, he would be more understanding, but I threw it out at him when he was angry and I think he just said that in a "Oh yeah? Well if you're doing that to piss me off, I'll just do this" kind of way... I was just afraid to actually talk with him about it and that conversation just opened up a door for me to get it out there, albeit not in the best way.

At any rate, my horoscope today kind of made me chuckle:

"Does it seem as though no one really understands what you're thinking or feeling right now? Suddenly, close friends are feeling as distant as strangers. But although there may be a big disconnect between you and some of your people, do not assume that it's permanent. Other people can understand you only if you explain yourself to them. open up a bit more, and you'll start connecting again."

How strange! I love when they really seem to fit the moment :)

Funny enough, here's my boyfriend's horoscope:

"Concerns about a family member may take up more of your time than you had initially imagined. You may not be able to solve this problem, but your demonstrations of support are more helpful than you know."

Just thought I'd share that.
Anyway, I plan on sitting down with him today, or soon and really telling him how it is so I will keep you all posted. Thanks again.
Posted 5/20/2007 12:42 PM (GMT 0)
Easier said than done, but I suggest you focus on getting yourself feeling better and less on how or what he thinks about it. If he really cares the way you care about him, it will come out in the wash. Take the meds, see a professional practitioner and know you have the right to find a way to deal with your depression. As you feel better, you will know how to better handle your relationship with him.
Good luck and hang in there.
Posted 5/20/2007 1:06 PM (GMT 0)
Good Luck Hardspacecore

Please keep us posted


Shy
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