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I have lost my friends!

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Posted 6/3/2007 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
I have lost my friends due to me going to therapy.  I was used for rides because I got my license and they needed a ride.  Apparently, I get in the way of everything they do.   I'm not suppose to follow my ex best friend everywhere but I have never done that.  My friends act differently with me around.  They don't talk to me unless I talk to them first.  This makes me want to cut again but I would be letting a lot of people down that support me and enjoy being around me unlike my friends well i guess they aren't my friends anymore.
Posted 6/3/2007 12:14 PM (GMT 0)

Hi nickylynn - I'm curious as to why you say "I get in the way of everything they do." How do you know that? Was something said? Did your best friend say you follow him/her everywhere?

Ed

Posted 6/3/2007 12:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Nicky
I am sorry that you are going through this. Have you tried talking to them to find out why this is going on?



Shy
Posted 6/4/2007 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
Yes I have ED I was told everything I said, Shy I don't know why it is going on plus i didn't do anything and they hate me.
Posted 6/4/2007 2:13 AM (GMT 0)
Nicky,
I am guessing your young as your friends sound like they have not yet learned the true meaning of friendship and are being mean repeating things back to you . Please do not let others tell you who you are or judge you.
You are a worthy, and obviously bright young woman as you are seeking help by going to therapy.
I know it hurts when friends turn on you but remember there a so many others that truly do care and you deserve better than these so called friends.
(((((((((HUGS))))))))))) Please take care of you and keep posting.
Posted 6/4/2007 2:58 AM (GMT 0)
Ya I'm only 16.  I'm glad i came back.  Here I know there are people that really do care for me.  The only good thing about this summer, I am so busy that I don't know when I would have time for my friends.  This has really made me depressed.  THe night when my friend told me about the way I act i doubled my dose of medication I'm taking for my depression to feel better.
Posted 6/4/2007 8:45 PM (GMT 0)
eyes  Nickylynn~

Trust me when I say that those are not friends!  I am 42 and  have had my share of  fair-weather friends.  I had friends as long as i was smiling and was "fun" to be around.  When I was down and sad and really needed a friend to talk my way out of being suicidal, guess what.......they were no where to be found.  In a way it was a blessing in disguise because I learned to be strong on my own.  It was one of the hardest lessons I learned but i did learn it.  If i had not, I guess you could say that i would probably not be here.  You have found a place here that really cares about you and you will never be alone at least in thoughts!!!!  I am preparing to leave the site for my own reasons and i know that i will be thought about every day.  Friends are those that leave shadows even when the sun goes down.  Remember that, they are the ones that you have a hard time seeing but if you look hard enough, you will see them, sometime in the form of a rainbow.

 

You are amongst friends here, that i can assure you.

 

Teresa

 

"Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others you won’t be the victim of needless suffering".

 

Posted 6/5/2007 2:51 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks teresa. That is how I am too.  I learn by myself because my friends or whatever you call them aren't around when i need them the most.  Well I hope you do well being off the forum and you are in my prayers!
Posted 6/5/2007 4:34 AM (GMT 0)
Nicky,
When I was 16 I had a breakdown and had to be hospitalized. This was about 100 years ago before they had all of the wonderful ideas about mental health that they do now. My doctor had this novel idea that mental illness might actually be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain rather than just 'crazy' thoughts. Imagine that!!!

When I found that my young daughter (age 5) was suffering from chronic depression we sought help for her. Because of her young age she was not allowed to take antidepressant medications and we had to help her with counseling (sp?) and family support. She grew up to be a tall girl (5' 10")with a large frame and carried extra weight.(she was over 200 lbs.) Most of the girls at her high school were sizes two to four. As a freshman she was nominated for homecoming court as a cruel joke by some of the freshman football players. She was devastated by this.

She rose above the cruelty and became her own young woman. She had some tough times but she stuck it out. There were the usual boy/girl problems of high school but she worked hard and was always kind to others even when they weren't kind to her. In her senior year she left that school and went to one closer to our home. She excelled there and went on to college. She became a physical therapist assistant and uses her size and strength to help elderly people in the assisted living facility where she works. They love her to pieces and she in turn loves her residents. Because she works with people in their end of life situations she sees things very precisely without a lot of frills. She is only 9 years older than you and happily married with a baby on the way.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you with all of this is that although it's painful right now it will pass. I'm not trying to diminish the hurt you are feeling, just let you know that your whole life will not be like this.When things got sad for me I used to read a lot. It helped me escape my sad feelings and I learned a lot in the process from all the stuff I read. My parents never minded me going to the library to load up on books and often times the stories I read helped me see how others overcame their problems.

My daughter used to read and also used to play some role playing video games. It kept her mind sharp and added to her fun even when she was alone. If you can find something that absorbs you like that you will have a good release valve for the rough times and not have to rely on 'fair weather friends'. It's not much consolation to know this but they are going thru much the same feelings as you are right now... they are just better at hiding it. I hope you're doing better and I'll be thinking of you.
Posted 6/5/2007 11:38 AM (GMT 0)
Nicky
You have been given some excellent advice. And they are right these kids are not your friends.
If I was you I would just let them go,and then focus on finding other friends that are not going to treat you that way.
Another thing to remember. You only need one "true" friend. You can have alot of friends that you know,but you are always going to remember that one person that you felt closest too.


Shy
Posted 6/7/2007 3:31 AM (GMT 0)
I know that is what my mom said but she never really listens to me.  Now that I'm going to be a junior in high school i feel that it is going to be hard to find new friends to hang out with.  Yesterday I found a tool to help me not make it to 8 months but if i don't make it to 8 months i am letting many people down except my friends that don't even care about me and how i am improving.
Posted 6/7/2007 11:32 AM (GMT 0)
What do you mean about "make it to 8 months?


Shy
Posted 6/7/2007 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
Don't do it Nicky! It's not worth it. They are not worth it. I know it's hard not to want to make the pain inside real, but you have to fight it. You made it 7 months. That's a huge accomplishment. If you are seeing a therapist or whatever to help you overcome your "habit", it might be a good idea to touch base with them. The hardest part of dealing with depression is the loneliness (I think). We want/need a friend so badly but the friends who are willing to listen and understand (truly listen and understand) are few. Particularly at your age. As you age and mature, and you meet people around you who are also maturing, things may/should change. But you gotta stick with it. I have always had a hard time making friends so I completely understand your loneliness and frustrations. But it does get better as you and the people around you start to mature. Please take care and as I started out saying - don't do it!

slowlygoingcrazy
Posted 6/8/2007 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
Making it to 8 months from cutting!
Posted 6/8/2007 12:29 PM (GMT 0)
Oh ok,I am sorry I should have caught that.

Have you entered counseling?


Shy
Posted 6/9/2007 2:22 AM (GMT 0)
Yes I have been going to counseling for more than a year now but the only thing is my parents are supportive of it and want me to quit so my therapist and I decided to tell them I don't have to go there anymore and my grandma would help out with the bill.
Posted 6/9/2007 5:43 AM (GMT 0)
:-)  Hey Nicky~

How are you girl?  Check out my post on the topic about depressed friends and let me know what you think, I thought you would appreciate it.

 

Keeping you in my prayers!

Posted 6/11/2007 3:13 AM (GMT 0)
What is the post called teresa????
Posted 6/12/2007 2:16 AM (GMT 0)
I just can't bare it anymore for losing my best friend because I told her what was on my mind and she never supported me when i think about it and I did.  I get left behind from everyone!  I usually don't do much with my friends.  I just feel like I'm alone and no one cares about me anymore and I haven't felt like this since before I went to therapy.
Posted 6/12/2007 4:29 AM (GMT 0)
mad  Nickylynn~

I care about you!!!  I feel exacly like you do sweetheart!! Let me run this by you ok?  I think that you said you were in your 20s if i remember correctly, I am 42 and feel like you do.  I wonder to myself everyday is my life ever going to change?  I get so hopeless because I am 42 and think to myself, i wish i was younger so i had more time to take things in stride and time.  Nicky-you are young and have more opporyunities to grow and learn that you are worthy and needed.  I am not taking anything away from "our" illness because your mental abilty has no age barrier.

 

Please know that people that dont care for you when you feel like this are not worthy of you!  I am going to try to find that post when i do i will post it for you on here in this topic, i will look for it in a little while.

 

I am really depressed lately and i am dealing with feeling abandoned.  I actually said to someone today that i really think that if my kids werent here that noone would even know i was gone.  i am tired of looking at the sunshine and remembering better days in my life.  in my heart of hearts i dont think i will ever be complete, i actually count my days, i feel like everyone is running and i am last in the race, i am so tired believe me!!

Hang tough and now that underneath those stars, there is someone that is TRULY your friend and although i dont know you, i care about you.  Believe me i know that is not a big comfort but it is those people that i know care about me no matter what that mean the most to me.

 

Hang in there sweetheart, KEEP YOUR FAITH!!!

 

HERE IS THAT POST NICKY~~~(((((HUGS)))))

 

:-) :-)  From a standpoint of having depression and having no friends is that it is imperative that you be A friend!!!!!  I have had "acquaintances" that I thought were friends until they needed to be there for me more than I could be there for them, they were no longer.  The biggest thing with having a friend with depression is to understand this:

>when you want to talk for hours on the phone and we dont-it is not that we dont want to talk to you it is because maybe our depression keeps us from even wanting to answer the phone

>If you find that you tend to have to share more of the load of being the shoulder, be a bigger shoulder, dont condemn us for not being as good a friend as you are

>When you have great news or have something wonderful happen for you and we seem not to share your excitement, dont take it personal, it is just that we are envious of what you are experiencing because when we experience an event that is that exciting, it is usually the fact that we were able to go a day without a tear.

 

SO PLEASE.......yes it so hard to be "our" friend and you will sometimes feel unappreciated, believe me when I say this, WE LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!!!!!  AND IT IS YOU THAT IS POSSIBLY THE REASON THAT WE LIVE!!!  I have no one like this.  It is sad and I have not been fortunate enough to have anyone withstand the woes of this illness and has continued to be my best girlfriend even til now.

 

Good luck to you and remember these things because anyone that reads this will agree that sometimes it is hard just to "be"

 

 

Posted 6/13/2007 2:41 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the post!!!  I'm 16 years old and have been going through depression for 3 years but been diagnosed for only 1 1/2 years.  I just want things go back to the way they were 4 years ago.  4 years ago i was happy.  My best friend and I went to florida together.  I don't even know what made me deperessed but being sexually abused made it worse.

 

Thanks for you support it helps.

Posted 6/13/2007 11:49 AM (GMT 0)
Nicky
I see myself in your posts when I was young. I still wonder how I survived it.

During your counseling are they involving your parents?
Are you able to talk to them about what is going on with you?


Shy
Posted 6/14/2007 3:02 AM (GMT 0)
Shy~

My parents aren't involved at all.  They don't even know that I am still going to therapy even though i told them I am done with it.  I have never talked to them about things that I am dealing with ever and I prolly never will.

Posted 6/14/2007 3:03 AM (GMT 0)
I HAVE MADE IT TO 8 MONTHS CLEAN TODAY FROM CUTTING!!!!!
Posted 6/14/2007 3:32 AM (GMT 0)
smurf   You are right..they are not your firends.  Friends support and care about you in all situations, and do not make you to feel like you are a bother.

Please remember that cutting and hurting Yourself is not the answer.

Do something good for you today...take a hot bath, go for icecream, call a real friend, pay it forward

Remember this:

Don't let anyone ever tell you you are anything less than beautiful, don't let anyone ever tell you you are less than whole

Be good to you...

Best Wishes,

Mar

Know that therapy is GOOD and that it is hard work that you should be proud of.  There is a great support out there at http://www.goodtherapy.org

 

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