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Raped and now depressed

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Posted 7/4/2007 4:17 PM (GMT 0)
Well i was raped about two years ago when i went to stay wid my father's friend.  His son did it. Well im now 15 and i flash back on it. I never told my parents about it cause i didnt want them to blame themselves but i blame them because i never wanted to go and they forced me and looked wat happened.  I have told two people about it, my current boyfriend and my ex, I can talk to them about anything.  My current boyfriend in a way is jus like me he feels like i do. We have eachother and we hang on to that.  Well sometimes I get mad for no reason i snap at anyone then i jus cry and feel guilty about getting angry.  I wrote this story and my mother read it and she said that i dont love her but i think she doesnt love me, she compares me to my sister shes always sayin i wish u were more like her she is smart she always working hard and shes not lazy like u are.  But I dont tell her wat i think even when i do good in most of my subjects she never praises me for the one i got right she always looks at those i got low in and makes noise tells me about my sister tellin me if i dont do better i will have to be someones maid but she doesnt realize i do great in the subjects i will need for my future job shes a nurse and because my sister wants to be a doctor she praises her and because i did no science she thinks im the worse child in the world. The only time im happer is when im with my boyfriend, when my mother is away, when im writing and playin with my puppy.  I have trouble sleepin and when i finally fall asleep i cant wake up, i have nightmares often, I think the worlds out to get me and I dont think theres anything i can do but get out of it.

Reason for Edit:

 

I have taken some of the finer detail out of this post but hopefully I have left enough in for people to still understand. We have to be careful about discussions on those subjects mentioned since we have minors using the Forums as well. (See Rule #1 and #12: https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997)

Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 7/5/2007 2:39:45 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/4/2007 11:37 PM (GMT 0)
de-d,

Is there not any adult you can talk to? It is not too late to talk to someone at a rape crisis center even though the rape happened two years ago. Many people wait. I am afraid your pain is not going to go away until you talk to someone. Please, please do not think you would be better off dead. After you work through this, and with help you can, there is so much out there for you. You should be able to call a rape crisis hot line and they could connect you with someone to talk to and then that person could set you up with a person to meet with. They always have someone answering the phones. Would you make me a promise that you will at least make that phone call? I am going to be checking back in later. You can also email me. If you email me, put something in the subject line about healingwell, so I'll know who it is. I don't think many people are on line today because it is a holiday. I am going to be checking back because I want you to make me that promise.

Take care!

Carla
Posted 7/5/2007 8:52 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell! yeah

Im so sorry that you are having to go through this at the moment. I cant begin to imagine how hard this must be for you. There are lots of people here who will offer you support and help. Some people will have also going through a similar experience to you so they will understand how you feel. I think it would be a good idea if you spoke to someone about what has happened. Which country are you from? If I know which country you are from I may be able to give you some places for you to ring or someone for you to speak to.

Take care and Stay strong

Darren

Posted 7/5/2007 12:57 PM (GMT 0)
De-D


First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,I am very glad that you found us and I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for.


Ok


When I was 12 years old my mom's boyfriend raped me. The molestation went on for 3 more years until I ran away and never went back. I told no one because he of course told me that he would kill my whole family ect ect.

I am 37 now. And to this day I have not gotten over it. I still have nightmares. I can't stand certain smells that remind me of him.
I regret not telling anyone. I am scared that he did it to someone else and since I did not tell then I feel that it would be my fault if some other little girl had to go through that.

I too have a bad relationship with my mom,and blame her. I too begged not to have to go. I would hide and try not to be found when it was time to go.

I finally told her when I was 21...all I heard was how it hurt her!! How she did her best as a single mom ect ect.

You need to talk to an adult. A Put your trust in your parents..if they misuse that trust then go to another adult.
You can email me at any time.
I want to try to help you as much as I can.


Shy
Posted 7/7/2007 5:48 AM (GMT 0)

De-D,

I sure hope you are feeling better.  We haven't heard back from you.  I hope you have checked back in and have gotten our messages and know that there are people here who do care about you and want to help you.  I'm hoping you have gotten up the courage to talk with a rape crisis counselor.  You have to know you took a very big step just by posting on this board.  We are all here for you, all you have to do is just ask.  Please take good care of yourself because you have new friends now who care about you.

Take care!

Carla

Posted 7/9/2007 7:13 PM (GMT 0)
De-d

please check in, I just read your post and I am worried about you. You seem to be suffering from PTSD which is understandable.

You need to tell someone, as was suggested a rape crisis center or a suicide hotline or something like that at the very least.


I hope to see a post from you soon.
Posted 7/10/2007 10:37 AM (GMT 0)

Like Goddess, I would love to hear from you again to see how you are getting on. I hope to hear from you soon

Warmest Wishes

Darren

Posted 7/11/2007 8:03 PM (GMT 0)
de-d I really wish you'd check in... sad
Posted 7/11/2007 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for all ur comments i don't think i will do anything since i kno im not alone in this fight against depression











Sorry I had to edit your post due to rule #1

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.


Shy

Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 7/12/2007 5:01:27 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/12/2007 1:59 AM (GMT 0)

Hey DE-D,

I totally know where you are coming from when it comes to feeling like your mother likes your sibling better.  My mom is totally that way.  She and my younger sister are very tight, and talk on the phone practically every night, even though my sister is 39.  A few times my mom got really mad at my sister, so I was the "good" daughter for a little while, but it never lasts.  It's just human nature I guess, and while I do take it personally, I know that I'm a daddy's girl, which is even better in my eyes.  I have to argue all the time with my mother, and I never win in her eyes.  I'm 42 and she accuses me of exaggerating details of a situation, totally making something up, or flat out lying.  I know I'll never win, and it is really depressing to know that things will never change.  I just have to hold on to the knowledge that I'm right, and my mother's inability to admit she is wrong is her problem.  Heck, I hate to admit it, but I have three cats, and I do have a favorite.  Luckily, the cats can't tell!!!

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Leigh Ann cool

Posted 7/12/2007 3:39 AM (GMT 0)

de-d,

I'm so glad that you at least checked back in.  As you can see, a lot of us have been worried about you.  If you ever need to email any of us, you can just click on our names and most of us have email addresses available.

You are right, you are not alone in this.  Just look how many new friends you have and God must have led you to us.  We are here to try to walk you through this.  You really do need to talk to a rape crisis counselor.  Many years ago, I was a hotline volunteer for our local rape crisis center, taking calls one night a week from my home and you would be surprised how many people waited years before talking to someone.  I am not a therapist.  I just fielded those calls and met rape victims at the hospitals during the time I was on call so they could have someone other than just medical staff and police officers there for them.  I'm afraid if you don't talk to someone and get this out, that it is just going to eat you alive.  I know it's easy for me to sit here and tell you that you weren't the bad guy and that you have nothing to be ashamed of, but I'm not living with what you're living with.  I can just feel that you are in so much pain and I just wish there was something I could do to get you in to talk to a therapist.

We all care about you here and hope that you will stay in touch!

Carla in Kentucky

Posted 7/14/2007 12:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi De-D

Thanks for checking in. I hope things are not too bad for you at the moment and that there are some improvements. As Carla has already said, you really should talk to someone about this and start yourself on the road to healing. THe country you are in (more than likely) will have hotline numbers for you to ring. If you dont know them off the top of your head, a quick internet search should provide all the information you need.

Keep us posted

Darren

Posted 7/14/2007 12:18 PM (GMT 0)
De-d
You can use my email at any time. I am always checking it throughout the day.


Shy
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