HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Angel Where are YOU?

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
1 2 34
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 7/16/2007 11:35 AM (GMT 0)

Hi

Thanks for the replies and sorry i have not been online, it was not intentional.  Just been really tired.

I will be back on later as i cant stop right now.

Thanks Angel xxx

Posted 7/16/2007 8:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, well i said i would come back so here i am.....

 

Today has not been too bad, i will admit that when i dropped the kids at school i went home to bed ad slept for about 3 hours.  I was so tired.

 

So i suppose you could say i hid away!!!

 

The kids were awful all evening, i just wished i was back all curled up in bed.

 

xxxxxx

Posted 7/17/2007 3:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hey there Angel,
I am glad to read you had a better day. You deserve some good days.
Thank you for the card, you are always thoughtful even when your down and out you still reach out to help others.
Be proud of who you are as I am proud of you.
(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
Mum
Posted 7/17/2007 7:04 AM (GMT 0)

Angel,

Thank you so much for taking the time to check in with us today.  Believe me, I know some days that can be a big step.  Please remember that you have people here who love and care about you.

Take care!

Carla

Posted 7/17/2007 7:41 AM (GMT 0)

Angel,

It's me again, Carla.  Do you have an email that you would be willing to share so that we could at least send you happy, funny e-cards to try to brighten your days and let you know we are thinking of you?  I know you don't want to give out your home address.  You could also keep the e-cards on your computer and go back and look at them when you are really down and having a bad day.

I went through terrible depression in 1994-1996 during my divorce which I did not want.  It triggered severe depression.  I truly would not have made it without the grace of God and many good friends.  I did spend some time in the hospital for depression at that time also.  This is not something I usually share, but I want you to know that you too can get on the other side of this.  I then had to spend 4 1/2 years in divorce settlement court which was just terrible.  The court went ahead and granted the divorce after one year and my exhusband was re-married within a month.  I was devasted to say the least, yet I still had to spend 4 1/2 years of long days in court with this man which at the time I still loved very much.  From one hour to the next, I did not know how I could keep going on, but some how I did.  During that time, my 17 year old beloved golden retriever died, my father died from cancer and my sister died from street drugs down in Florida.  All of this took place while I was still grieving the loss of my marriage and spending days that would sometimes go from 8:00 in the morning until 8:00 in the evening in divorce settlement court.  I did come out o.k. there.

This is not something I would normally share in a public forum this way, but if it can help you in any way, then it is worth it.  I kept all the cards sent to me by friends during that time and whenever I was having a bad day, I would get them out and look at them and feel better again.

Angel, please know that with help you can work through this.  You just have to reach out for that help.  I don't really know much about your situation at all, except that you are in a great deal of emotional pain right now and that a lot of people seem to care a great deal about you.

If you have an email address to share, you can email me by clicking on my name or you can add your email address to your profile.

Please take good care of yourself!

Carla

Posted 7/17/2007 7:59 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Angel,

I am glad that you have had a "good" day. I can understand going back to bed for 3 hours though! The school run is challenging at the best of times! Carla is right in saying that you can get through this with the right help. All you need is a little self-belief and some friends and you are on your way! Its not the whole solution, but its a start.

Big British Hugs

Darren

Posted 7/17/2007 2:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Angel,
Good Morning, I know it is afternoon there but just wanted to tell you I am glad your day is going better today.
Thank you for your support, I needed that. See how well you do?
Even when your down you take the time to help others. What a wonderful attribute !
Kudos to you my adopted daughter.
Mum Kitt
Posted 7/19/2007 8:56 PM (GMT 0)
I have had a horrible few days.  My moods have gone from being really high to really low and high again and right down in one day. I cant cope with these erattic moods. Yes there are some things that i have had to think about but its a long story.

 

I dont want to have to live like this.  I have not got the strength to get through this and come out the other side a stronger person.

Yeah i am getting on with it and carrying on but i am not getting anywere.  I am using up all my strength to get by each day.

 

I am just pathetic and a nobody.  I am useless and cant do anything right. 

 

I just think that i have made a mess of everything.  I really wish that when i was 17 i had listened to all the people that said to me that i was too young to have kids then.  I dont know, i mean i might not be like this now.  Things would probably be so different now.

Dont get me wrong i love them so much, they are all i have.

 

I love my kids but i dont love myself and i dont know if i ever will.

 

Maybe i am talking rubbish, but i dont know what is right anymore, i cant make sense of any of it.

I am hurting so much inside, and yeah it does ease at times but never completly goes away.  Will it ever?  I doubt it.

 

I think when i was born i must have been a mistake.  Just a horrible mistake.  And now i am grown up i am just nobody.  Some sort of cast off.

 

I am tearing my hair out tonight,  I am hurting so much and feeling so alone and just want to make myself suffer.

Its what i deserve.

 

What is the point in life?  I dont see any at the moment.

 

I am really sorry about this post.

Posted 7/19/2007 9:26 PM (GMT 0)
Angel
No ~ Stop now.
Sit down and breath and remember your promise to me. You and I have talk about this many times and you will make it. You are ok.
I got married when I was 17, what an idiot was I...........well I lived through it and the divorcee but I had my first 3 children and I wanted a life where I could be happy. That is what you want, so sweetie, make it happen.
Take a chance, let yourself feel happy, you do not have to be perfect. You were not born a mistake............I know your in pain. We have cried together this week, but it will get better. Tomorrow you see your therapist....................did you ask for increase in med yet?
Tomorrow I see my P-doc. See we are both working on getting over the tears this week. I refuse to give in, I am a good person and your a good person. We deserve happines. We cannot control others but we can ourselves.
Yes I would come to see you, but I know your not ready so when you are, just tell me. I do understand your afraid right now and I am fine with that.
Now, you give yourself hugs for me and get on with getting on.
Sing a song, read a magazine....................and know I am thinking of you.
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
Love
Mum Kitt
Posted 7/20/2007 6:58 AM (GMT 0)

Angel,

I have been thinking about you a lot.  You can and will get through this.  I have never shared the deepest part of my depression openly on a forum like this, but I was just hoping it would show you how low I got and that I was able to work through it.  It was not easy at all.  I did go through in-patient treatment for depression back in 1994.  My depression, as I mentioned before, was triggered by my divorce which just blindsided me.  Angel, I did not think I could live or go on another day.  My girls were already grown and out of the house.  I thought I had nothing at all to live for.  Now, I have three beautiful grandchildren.

I don't know what your situation is, and that doesn't really matter, just know that you can and will make it through to the other side of this.  I can't tell you that it is going to be easy.  For me, it wasn't.  I thought when my husband left me, that there was no reason for me to go on.  Now I know there were many reasons. 

Please take good care of your self.  A lot of people care about you.

Carla

Posted 7/20/2007 9:22 PM (GMT 0)
Angel,

There are loads of people who have made a success of their lives after having children at a young age. If it was such a black and white issue, people wouldnt have kids that young. I understand that you are hurting really badly at the moment and that you cannot see a way forward, but your kids would be lost if they did not have you. You say that you are "pathetic" and you "cant do anything right". I would definately say that wasnt true. You have managed to raise your kids. Surely that counts as a success? You have made some excellent friends on healingwell. Surely that counts as a success? You have opened up and have been honest about how you feel to other people. Surely that counts as a success? You need to take some time out for you and help yourself. What about professional help? How is that progessing?

I am here for you if you ever want to email me Angel. My inbox is always open.

Your are in my thoughts and prayers. All I need you to do is believe.

Darren
Posted 7/20/2007 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
I try to believe, but it wont work.........

 

I feel i am loosing control of everything.  I have got a really negative view of myself, i do try with that but i cant seem to hold on to any positive.  I try and try but cant.  Its me, its my fault.....

 

 

Posted 7/20/2007 9:53 PM (GMT 0)
Try and explain why it is your fault to me. Maybe this will make me better understand your predicament. I really feel you need to seek professional help as well as talking on HealingWell.
Posted 7/20/2007 10:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Angel,
I am here, I am sorry I missed you on IM this afternoon. With our time difference I was at the P-docs.
All of these members are really wanting to help you. Will you answer Darren's questions?
I would like you to as it may help you understand what is going on better.
Don't be afraid, no one can see you smile and use the whole group for help.
Love you bunches
Mum Kitt
Posted 7/21/2007 7:37 AM (GMT 0)

Angel,

We are all still here for you because we want you to be around next week, next month, next year, etc.  Not only do we need you, but your kids definitely need you.  I see you making a little bit of progress in that you are at least replying to us, but your responses are very brief and we don't really know what is going on with you.  We are frightened for you.  You absolutely have to talk to someone.  Please do this.

Angel, please talk to someone.

Take care!

Carla

Posted 7/21/2007 11:32 AM (GMT 0)
Its my fault as i am the only person that can make any change.  I can get support but in the end its down to me. 

No one else can change what i am thinking.

 

I do try to change my feelings thoughts around but i just cant keep hold of them.  And i think after all this time i should be able to.

 

See even now i am seeing the distortions in my thinking and i am trying to turn it around and think something more positive and healthy but i just cant do it.  I cant keep hold of it.

And that is my fault.

 

I have depression and am also plagued with anxiety and panic aswell.  I am trying hard and really want to do this but i feel that if i have made any progress then its not enough.

 

Wil post more later when kids in bed.

 

xx

Posted 7/21/2007 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Angel,
You are making progress, you are recognizing that your thought processes are in need of hard work and I know how tiring that is, truly I know.
Keep on with your posting.
(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
Posted 7/21/2007 7:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Angel,
Recognising you are thinking in a negative fashion is a great start. Trying to overcome that and change it is EVEN BETTER still. YOu are making such a huge effort and the rewards will come to you. Its not your fault that you have depression and if it is not your fault that you have depression then it cant be your fault if your depression is altering your perception. It it really hard to completely re-wire your thought process. You must know how complex the brain is... imagine it as an electrical circuit and having to re-arrange all the wires. You would be there for years! Depression is no different. It is a long hard struggle but there is always an end to it. Taking meds can help a lot of people... Meds are a bit like giving the person re-arranging all the wires, an instruction book, so that they can better understand what they are doing.
I hope this makes sense to you.
Big British Hugs
Darren
Posted 7/22/2007 5:15 AM (GMT 0)

Angel,

Just that you posted a lot more today is a sign of progress as far as I'm concerned.  Depression is not easy to conquer.  Few can do it without professional help.  It certainly took professional help for me.

Thank you so much for staying in touch with us!

Carla

Posted 7/22/2007 11:13 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Angel

, Could I have your im address...I would love to send you an email I got from my sister. My sister is a sister and it hugely affected my life. I love you, keep going and please....with all my heart I pray you go tell someone how you are hurting and let them take over. Tell anyone, your neighbor, your minister, your family.....reach out to someone there who can help you. we absolutely love you here and know you are worth more than you can imagine. We are here though and you are there. Please share your address with me and we can talk more. peace and much love, Annie

Posted 7/22/2007 9:08 PM (GMT 0)
Had a difficult couple of days due to something happening regarding my daughter.

Anyway i am going to be honest with you all. I have read the posts from the people that have asked for my email or IM address and it has completly freaked me out.
I dont mean it in a horrible way. So please dont take it like that. Cant really think at the moment, just so tired.
Posted 7/22/2007 11:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Angel,
Hi, how are ya kiddo. Angel's daughter broke her thumb the first day of summer break. Angel you are very strong and a good Mother. I know you well and I know you prefer not to share your IM or email because of your anxiety.
That is fine and I am sure the members here will understand where you are coming from. Please try to relax and not worry about what people think. Annie said "we all love you". That is the truth.
Sleep well tonight, tomorrow is a brand new day.
Mum
Posted 7/23/2007 12:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hi angel, Certainly did not mean to freak you out. Would just like to have sent you some emails that I think might have lifted your spirits. I hope you reach out to someone close to you so you can get help soon. All we do here is listen and offer love and support. Sorry for any concern I may have caused you. Take care Annie
Posted 7/23/2007 3:31 AM (GMT 0)

Angel,

Kitt is right about the email.  We didn't know how anxious it would make you.  Our intentions were good.  We just wanted to send you some cheery cards to make you feel better.  You have so many people on this forum who love and care for you.  I used to just drop this forum occasionally because I guess you could say my "home forum" is the epilepsy forum.  Now I have to check in here every day to see how you are doing.  I hope you have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Take care!

Carla

Posted 7/23/2007 6:06 AM (GMT 0)
Hi

 

Its ok you were not to know,but please realise that i dont mean it in a horrible way.  Just give me some time.  But cant you send an email through the forum?

 

I love you all as my family and i really thank you all for not giving up on me.

 

You are all so caring and supportive.

 

Thanks

✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
1234