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Why do men get away with it?

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Posted 7/18/2007 11:13 AM (GMT 0)
I'm a victim of sexual assualt. I've told my story to the police and they don't even believe me. They just think I am wacko and say that I deserved it. I even said NO to the jerk. But he didn't understand what no meant and kept on touching me inapproprately. Why do men do such things to women? Why is it that the men are believable over the women in these type of cases? I'm even one of the lucky ones that it didn't get as far as rape. But this was still scary enough for me to go through.

I just have so much build up of being hurt for what he did and no one seems to even care. Do people actually think it is okay that this goes on in the world? I guess myself and other people in my situation is only a statistic to them so it wouldn't really matter to them, would it? Unless, it happened to them.
Posted 7/18/2007 11:51 AM (GMT 0)
Foreigner
I am so sorry that you had to go through that. And I do not understand why the police did not do anything.
It is not ok,and with today's society and strict laws I am surprised that he has gotten away with it.
Did you go to the hospital? How long ago did this happen?
Is there anyway that you can contact a lawyer and then press charges? This man should not be getting away with it.

I have found a website for you to check out....

www.rainn.org/counseling-centers/index.html?gclid=CLz7mq6EsY0CFQh7IgodilvbtQ


Shy
Posted 7/18/2007 3:51 PM (GMT 0)
It happened over a year ago. And no, I never went to a hospital. Was too shooken up over what happened so I never went.

I've talked with a lawyer but they are just too expensive than what money we have. I don't live in the USA so that link doesn't help me for my area. But I do greatly apreciate that you shared it with me. I'll check to see if they have something here.

I don't understand either and why doesn't anyone believe me? They all say it is my fault because I went willingly into his house. But, I did say no. But these days the word no doesn't mean anything with men like him. :-(

Thanks for the response, ShynSassy
Posted 7/18/2007 9:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hello,
I am Kitt. Sexual assault can be verbal, visual, or anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention. We believe you and there are many men that are being found guilty of sexual assault in the courts here now.
Going with someone to their home does not mean you wanted to be assaulted. The people that are saying these things to you are ignorant.
You have my sincere apology for all the people that don't know what they are talking about. I am so sorry this happened to you.
Can you get a therapist? Bless you and stay safe.
Posted 7/21/2007 10:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Kitt!

Thanks for your reply!

It all comes down to money that we don't have. And a therapist we can't afford.... nor a lawyer.

I feel so helpless because I feel like I can't do anything about this. :-(
Posted 7/21/2007 11:15 PM (GMT 0)

foreigner,

you're not going to like what i have to say, but you asked "why" this can happen.  first, sexual assault is cultural - it differs from culture to culture.  remember clinton saying that he did't have sex with that woman?  by the cultural standards applied, oral sex is not sex.

several yrs ago in saudi arabia a teenager was taking a sun bath in a two piece swimming suit behind the 10 foot wall in her parent's house/compound.  a man crawled on top of the fence and watched the girl.  the then raped her.  they went to court.  he was beheaded for raping her and she was given 10 lashes for enticing him to rape!

men get away with it for the same reason rich and powerful people getaway with things:  because they CAN.  there is noone to stop them.

by the same token, take the other side.  during the 60s there was a case in which a man was riding on a public transport bus in LA.  a young woman sat down next to him.  she told him that if he didn't give her $50, she would yell rape.  He didn't and she did.  he was found guilty (must have had a public defendent lawyer) and went to prison for 10 yrs.

there has to be a line somewhere.  i just don't know where it is.

warren

Posted 7/22/2007 1:08 PM (GMT 0)
Foreigner
Where are you from? I will do some research for you.



Shy
Posted 7/23/2007 11:27 AM (GMT 0)
wmnak, I don't know where the "line" is either.

ShynSassy, wow you'd do that for a stranger? I've looked into it a little.. people just don't seem to care around here. I got in touch with a few lawyers and they have all said that it is most likely the man would win in my situation. It's just my word against his... not a whole lot to go on either.
Posted 7/23/2007 11:34 AM (GMT 0)
ShynSassy, I was trying to find a way to send you a private message on here but didn't find anywhere I could do it. I don't feel comfortable saying where I live in open forum.
Posted 7/23/2007 12:36 PM (GMT 0)
foreigner no man should be able to get away with this .you said NO and no means definately no in my books .there are several place you can get some help there is a site in New Zealand where you can send an email to a psychologist and they will send you a reply it has helped me through a lot of my problems ... [email protected]
And another one was, [email protected]
I hope you can get the support and help from someone but these two are there for all who need them .
Restless
Posted 7/24/2007 3:54 AM (GMT 0)
psycholoists tell me that rape is about power and not about sex. maybe. i have seen the smug faces of rapists and want to take a tire iron to them.

for their moment of "triumph" or whatever they feel, they often condemn their victom to a lifetime of paon. a large part of me would like to see the men who do tis raped and let them "enjoy" the experience.

sorry about this rage, but it really makes me angry.

warren
Posted 7/24/2007 4:40 AM (GMT 0)
The law is in a very tough spot these days and will be until there is some more advanced technology to make things less flawed. You have to understand that while a lot of men do get away with this, most of the time they take the females word for it even when there is no proof. There are a lot of cases where women simply accuse men for the same 'power' urge.

Basically, the liars ruin it for everyone else. This is the case with most things in America, bad people ruin things for the rest. There are many cases where the females have abused this power of just their word being enough, and later they've admitted it or they've been found to be lying, and now they are starting to view the women as abusers in these situations. When people are victimized sexually it drives me crazy, especially when the victim does not tell.

I just hope you don't give up the fight and give the sicko the justice he deserves. Bless you.
Posted 7/24/2007 5:53 AM (GMT 0)
restless 1, thanks for posting those Emails, I will write to them right away.

wmnak, it rages me too that these men will ruin the the lives of women. And even to children just so they can feel whatever power or satisfaction they need to feel for just a few minutes. I was also molested as a child and that hasn't helped me with my situation now either.

LifeChange, Thanks! I'll try to keep a positive outlook on this as good as positive gets in this situation.
Posted 7/24/2007 10:15 AM (GMT 0)

Hi,

Warren is right in saying that rape is about power rather than sex. Although there is a sexual element to it, it is much more to do with being able to control someone and having power over them, knowing that their victim cannot stop it.

I completely agree with LifeChange as well. The law on rape is such a grey area because of the difficulty in proving rape, and there are times when innocent men are locked up and there are times when guilty men walk free. It makes me very angry to think that with all the technology we have, we still cant prove it 100%. It is the liars that spoil things for everyone. They are the ones that throw the spanner in the works.

Darren

Posted 7/24/2007 11:05 AM (GMT 0)
Foreigner
Sorry about that I was not thinking correctly.
If you click on my user name it will take you to my profile which has my email listed.
Please put in the subject line "healing well" or something that way it does not get lost.

Shy
Posted 7/24/2007 5:05 PM (GMT 0)

Foreigner,

As a man, I just feel disgusted about what happened. Men who commit violent or aggressive verbal, physical and especially sexual acts against women are cowards who are on a sick, warped  power control trip. They are small in spirit and lack to ability to even know how to love someone. I despise them.

I don't know where you are from, but I hope you find justice and some small measure of peace.

Be well,

Veteran


Post Edited (veteran1) : 7/24/2007 11:07:46 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/25/2007 4:11 AM (GMT 0)
Hey there

Someone posted "by the cultural standards applied, oral sex is not sex."

In the state of MN it is and falls right into the rape criminal charges.
I just served as a jury member on a Sexual assault with bodily injury case. We cut no slack because they had moved here from a foreign country 14 years ago. Yes their cultue is different but that is not an excuse for rape. No one is going to listen to that for a defense in our state.

Foreigner, be brave and persue justice. If nothing else please seek therapy for you. I am glad you have members helping you locate help.

You have my support. Keep posting as everyone here cares.

Gentle Hugs.
Posted 7/25/2007 6:46 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone for your thoughts! It does help me! I wish more people around me would think like you guys and gals.

I will try to be brave in all of this. One step at a time to help get me through. And if I fall, I just have to get up again... like that song goes. ☺
Posted 7/26/2007 11:55 AM (GMT 0)
That is all you can do foreigner
And not letting that person beat you as far as your spirit is the best way to be.



Shy
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