It is really this bad isnt it?

Oh, Teresa, I am so sorry.  We've never talked before.  My name is Jenn.  I have been in that hell that you're in now, when I thought there was only one way out.  I don't know your situation, and I've never been the type to think that things will always get better, because for some people they don't.  But...for most people they do.  They got better for me, and I swear the words you're writing could have been written by me three years ago.  I can't say I would've blamed me if I had done something terrible to myself, because I was so down and my life really does suck sometimes.  But at the same time, I am SO glad I didn't, because I got better, and life got better, and I have spent three more years with people (and two dogs) whom I love.  It hasn't all been fun and games; life is hard.  But I think you have to live it for the small moments that bring you joy.  And I do believe that this, too, shall pass, and you will have some more moments of joy in your life. 

And I know you said not to answer this question, but you are not a terrible person.  You know how I know?  Because you are asking yourself these questions and feel so bad about yourself--that is precisely how I know.  Believe me when I say that the truly awful, evil people out there are that way because they never bother to ask what is wrong with themselves, and they can never admit fault.  Anyone who beats him/herself up the way you are must at least care about whether he or she is a good person, and that's the most important step towards being a good person, in my mind.

I'm also not the type to gloss over things and say you have nothing to be depressed about; the world is a sunny, happy place; snap out of it; life is always good, etc.  But I do think that most of the time it is worth living, despite all the hardships it brings.  Please, I don't know if what I've said has helped at all or made things worse, but please, please, please check back so we'll know you are okay, if not mentally, at least physically.  Mental states CAN change, but if you hurt yourself that won't ever change. 

Teresa,

I so hope you are feeling a little better today. Sometimes even one day can make a big difference in how we feel. I went through severe depression in 1994 when my ex-husband left me. I felt I had nothing to live for. I was so wrong. Even though I was going to therapy here in my home town, I knew I had to get away and do inpatient treatment for depression. I went out to CA. I live in KY and wanted to get as far away as I could. I was just not ready to face divorce court.

I hope you are seeing a therapist or at least have someone to talk to on a regular basis. I am so glad I am still around, not only because of my two wonderful daughters, but also now because of my three beautiful grandchildren. I would have so cheated myself if I had checked out of this world and missed out on the opportunity of being a part of their lives. Please feel free to email me any time. If you do, please put something in the subject line about healing well so I will know who it is.

I so want you to feel better because I remember what it feels like. I still get some depression now, but not like it used to be.

Please take good care of yourself!

Carla

Teresa,

I have to say that you have been a big supporter of mine through my own ordeal and I would gladly be there for you any time. On the days when I feel that things just can't get better (i.e., hopelessness), I come here and there's usually someone dispensing some sort of positive support. You are one of those people. I hope that I can do the same for you.

You are clearly a very caring lady and that alone is worth going on to another day. I can't say that I've been where you are, but on those days when I feel terrible, I try and remember the last time I had one of those days and I remember that it didn't last forever. There are better days ahead. There always is as long as we keep keepin' on, if that makes sense. Don't give up. There are people here who care about you and will always be here for support.

Feel free to Email me any time.

Rick...

Hey Teresa,
I am right here and following you closely. I am glad you have at least one person to help you out and that you can spend sometime with this special person.
You are a caring person and you still take the time to read and post to others in need and that shows me how strong you are. WIth a lot of help and support you will find the light.
Special Hugs to you.

Once again, you guys always seem to be there when I need you the most.  I havent been on for several days because of my inability to function at a level that even demands turning on a computer.  I was found myself devoured in my cross-stitch project which makes the minutes turn into hours and for me that is good right now and all i have.  my support person is helping as much as they can but i am realizing that what i want out of that relationship will never be, and it makes me feel so hopeless and alone.  I actually feel as if i disappeared, i would not be missed at least not long enough for anyone to wonder what happened to me.  I am reminded of this when the weekends come and from friday til monday, i could dissapear and noone would even know until the next week.  if that is not enough to make you run away, i dont know what is.  i have just had the feeling of being someone that is a waste of space on this earth and times when i really need someone here, THAT SOMEONE, they arent here and with that i feel like i do right now, hopeless and faithless.

you guys however are and have been a blessing for me as you are today.  the words and feelings that are sent my way make me wish that i could meet each and everyone of you to give you hugs in appreciation for making my worst days somewhat positive.  you are the greatest group of people in the world.

 

keep me in your prayers and know that i care about you guys as well.

 

" A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."
Submitted by Lysha

Teresa,

I seriously want you to start having some faith in yourself. You are always in doubt of your self worth. Anyone who can care about others as you do, has a great deal of self worth. If you were to "disappear" I for one would miss your presence.  You give so much to others, give some to yourself. You can stand alone on your two feet, you don't need someone for that, you just don't know it in your heart yet. I believe in you.

Bionca

I'd miss your colorful writing. I've had many of the same feelings you have at one time or another. I often feel like my blackest moods were a separate being like a ghost or spirit, and that ghost would wrap around me like a snake. It was a feeling that was there to be with me and I could hold onto her like she held onto me. When I was on Effexor, she was locked away because she could only come out at night, and the drug made things so sunny all the time. I had to stop taking Effexor because of the side effects and it was making other health problems worse.

I'm going to make an appointment this week to get a different anti.