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Please help, having the worst day of my life so far.

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Posted 7/23/2007 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
 

Help everyone, i really don't know what to do. I think i'm having a panic attack. My heart is going ten to the dozen, my hands are freezing but are sweating, I feel sick and dizzy and light headed and I feel like crying.

Every bit of me feels edgy and I am currently feeling so uncomfortable, like I don't want to be in my body.

I havn't been able to concentrate all day and can't stop thinking bad thoughts.

I was out y/day with my bf family my stepdad and some friends, it was a mini festival thing and yes I drunk too much, my stepdad and I fell out and I was walking upstairs crying and my bf was at thetop of the hill with 2 of his friends. I accused him that they were laughing at me and they hate me, and that he's rather be with them than me and blah blah just ranting. I don't know if he or I was in the wrong but I feel so weird today like I don't know whether he was laughing or if I am imagining it. To be truthful I was with 7 women and he was himself, the only other male there was his 14 yr old bother. Has he got the right to go and stand with them and not be with me or am I being unreasonable??

Today I honestly can't tell reality  from whats going on in my head. Its like when I think something I cant tell whether its true or not.

I went home last night and fell out with all my family and bf then stormed upstairs and went to bed. I woke up at like 3am, and tossed and turned last night worrying about stupid things and I havn't slept since.

Today at work has been a nightmare.

I have had in my head since like 10am (it was just a thought that came into my head that hasn't left. that my bf doesn't love me anymore and that he is going to end our relationship and tell everyone I am a psycho and leave me for those friends he was with y/day. I don't know why this has came into my head as he hasn't mentioned anything or acted out of the ordinary, except he has been a bit angry recently but he is really tired and hates his job.

I phoned him at hiswork at 7 15 this morning, he works as a welder. to ask him if his mum had fell out with me and he said no shes ok and didnt say bye and hung up. He did sound harrassed and tired (he got his nose broken on sat too) but that made me feel a bit worse.

I am scared to death that he is going to dump me that is ehat seems to have brought on the 'panic attack' for all that I feel weird towards him the minute I think I'm not gonna have him here anymore I freak.

I love him and so don't wanna lose him. I know I sound totally crazy in this post but I have no-one to talk to as I'm at work and they don't really bother about how I'm feeling and I just need to get it out. i feel so down I just don't know what to do. Please help any advice any of you have would be so much appreciated.

Posted 7/23/2007 6:58 PM (GMT 0)
It sounds like you are having a panic attack, and it does sound like you are having a very bad and confusing day.  What I would do is this....when you get home from work, try to sleep.  (Hold on, hear me out.)  I know it's very hard to sleep when your panicking, but you need to try.  A lot of the time things DO look much better in the morning, and less confusing.  I worry that if you continue to act on your confusion and lash out against your boyfriend, you may lose him.  It will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  The more you worry and the more you let him know that you're worried the more likely it is that he won't understand and will just get mad, so I think the best thing to do would be to maybe not call him tonight and give everybody a chance to just be apart from each other for a while and calm down.  Absence does make the heart grow fonder, even if it's only a night.  Gee, I'm just full of useful aphorisms today, aren't I?  Seriously though, I have been in your shoes, and whenever I was worried about a boyfriend and tried to reassure myself by calling him to "feel out" what was going on, I just drove him nuts and drove him away.  Men really don't seem to like it when women need reassuring. 

Finally, if the panic is an on-going thing, see a psychiatrist.  Please don't let it overwhelm you and ruin your life and your ability to see things clearly.  I remember feeling that way all the time and it sucks.

I don't know, this may be really crappy advice, but that's just the way it seems to me.  Of course, you know your boyfriend and your history together a hell of a lot better than I do, so take everything I say with a grain of salt.  But overall, I don't think some time apart to recoup would be such a bad idea under any circumstances.  And do try to get some sleep.  Most likely you'll feel better when you wake up.  I hope you feel better and that things with your boyfriend improve.

Posted 7/23/2007 8:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Scotsgal,
Drconnoisseur just gave you some very good advice so please read her post a couple of times. I agree you are probably having some sort of panic attack. I am wondering if the drinking and all that went on yesterday has added to how you are feeling today?
I believe you should just try to let go of figuring our what went on and just stay in the moment. Don't keep calling your boyfriend, give him some space and he will be able to deal with the issues better that way.
Besides breaking your nose is painful, so he is probably feeling not so hot today himself.
Please just be kind to yourself today and know that you are supported here. ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
Posted 7/23/2007 9:06 PM (GMT 0)
I agree pretty much with all of the above. Sleep will give you a better perspective on things and I do think you need to see your Doctor. If you are having these "falling outs" with people around you, perhaps your medication needs to be adjusted or changed. I know when my husband and I have a really bad argument, space is the key. I think you may be overwelming yourself with too man of the "what if" scenerios. Space may also be good for you as well.
Posted 7/24/2007 8:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Guys,

Feeling a bit better today. Went home and bf was totally fine, I'd basically imagined it all about us falling out?! He had been at hospital. sent home from work and straight from docs to hosp as they thought he had a blood clot in his nose!

We went to his big brothers and had a good night there. I feel a bit better today but I still have that 'weird' unexplainiable feeling lurking about. Its like an edgy uncomfortablr feeling and short of breathness, or tightness :S

Whatever it is, its horrible. I was looking out of the window there and its a nice sunny day. this time last year I would have loved a day like this and been in such a good mood, whilst this time I have a big black cloud lurking over me.

I currently have a councillor who I have been seeing since feb and I'm sorry but I feel she is useless. She wants to forget about past and present and focus on the future and I'd rather get rid of all my bad memories and current woes then focus on getting better. I have tried to get my councillor changed but with no luck yet!. Anyone know what I can do?

Thanks
Posted 7/24/2007 11:14 AM (GMT 0)
Scotsgal
Contact your insurance company directly and tell them you need someone else. They should be able to give you a list.

You really need to rethink the drinking. You are on antidepressants and should not be drinking at all. It seems to be causing alot of problems,and then you wake up in the morning regretting everything.

I don't mean to be harsh on you,but I don't think it is worth it in your life right now. You have got to focus on getting better,and that is not helping at all.

Shy
Posted 7/24/2007 3:03 PM (GMT 0)
Shy is right. AD's and alcohol dont mix on any level. You need to start to look after yourself so that you can begin to heal. Changing your councillor may be the answer and as Shy said, the insurance company should be able to give you a list of their "approved" councillors.
Posted 7/24/2007 3:43 PM (GMT 0)
I live in Scotland, i don't have insurance as the NHS is free, and my councillor and dr claim they don't know any private psychs. I don't know what to do :s
Posted 7/24/2007 5:15 PM (GMT 0)
I wish I could help you...why don't you do a separate thread with the subject line " Anyone that lives in Scotland,and then hopefully some of our members will have some ideas.

Shy
Posted 7/25/2007 9:35 PM (GMT 0)
I should have guessed from your screen name that you lived in Scotland. Being treated under the NHS is hard at the best of times given the amount of time that you have to wait to get to see anyone and changing the therapist/councillor can leave you with a delay of anything up to 6 months without treatment. But the sooner you start the ball rolling, the sooner you can get a new councillor. Your GP will have a list of councillors treating NHS patients and they should also be able to tell you which ones are any good as well.

I hope this helps

Darren
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