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Am finding it hard to cope with my kids - help!

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Posted 7/25/2007 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
eyes   eyes When you have depression, it's hard enough looking after yourself isn't it? I'm not really eating right, I'm not exercising at all and I am finding day-to-day chores so hard! Even harder is my kids are out of school for 6 weeks and it's just me and them now!

I can't cope - they are lovely kids, very lively and high-spirited, full of beans - and I'm sitting here crying, and typing a message of hopelessness. I manage ok sometimes, but feel that I'm such a bad mother all the time for lots of reasons!!! That doesn't help when they are arguing or just being too loud!! I feel like hiding under the duvet and staying there! I have a friend who is suffering from depression and when I speak to her she says 'I've spent the day in bed'. Oh how i wish i could curl up and leave everything behind!

Posted 7/25/2007 4:17 PM (GMT 0)
Dear HSE,
Good Morning and I am sorry your feeling so awful.
I had 4 children and I know what you mean, I would sometimes just sit down and cry as I was afraid I might smack one hard as I felt a loss of control. Here I was a Mother that could not control her own children.
Remember this is your mind playing tricks on you, your a good Mom and no one said you had to be the Hallmark Mom, that is only in their greeting cards.
Perhaps you could sit down and write a list of all the positive things about yourself. Stop the negative thinking and when it starts picture a big red stop sign.
I hope this helps you in some small way. Please know we care.
I am here to support you so be kind to yourself.
Gentle Hugs from one Mom to another.
Posted 7/25/2007 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
tongue  Thanks so much for your kind words - I especially like the 'Hallmark' mum bit - I am definately NOT one of those.

It's hard to stop the negative thoughts when you haven't got a second to yourself - making tea, loading the washign machine, emptying the dishwasher, gluing their craft projects - and that's just in the last hour!!! i sometimes wish fpr some peace away from everybody and everything. Is that possible?? Is that fair????

Posted 7/25/2007 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
I am so in the same place as you. I am dreading going home to my kids tonight after work. It's been a very difficult week as some of my son's issues have cropped up again. He stole some money from me yesterday. He's 10 and ADD. A lot to handle by myself. My husband works shift work and I call the shifts "single parent" shifts because he is very rarely home to help. I bear the brunt of I'd say pretty close to 85-90% of the household jobs, and I don't get much of a break. And when you throw bad behaviour and fighting kids on top of that, it only adds to the level of exhaustion. Plus I only just started back to work July 1 after 4 months off so just getting used to working again week to week, day to day is a challenge. And let's not even talk about office politics. There are days I think I could scream. I was pretty close to losing it this morning when my son was giving me a hard time about making his own breakfast while I got his sister to daycare. All he had to do was pop the waffle in the toaster. It didn't seem like too much to ask, but apparently it was. Plus this week my parents are on holidays so I have the dog at my house, and I'm supposed to be keeping an eye on the cat and watering their gardens. I just feel so overwhelmed by everything right now. So I totally get your situation. I'm looking forward to fall and the return to the school routine. Anyways, I hope you are having a better day today.

slowlygoingcrazy
Posted 7/26/2007 11:54 AM (GMT 0)
HSE
I too went through the " I am a horrible mom" stage. All I wanted to do was lock myself in my room and cry. It was horrible.
Then my son started getting worse with his bipolar,and I had no idea how to help him.
Being a mom is so hard,but once they are older then you can finally see your rewards.


Shy
Posted 7/26/2007 1:10 PM (GMT 0)

:-)  Shy - thanks for your message - I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel!! You must have been very patient dealing with a bipolar son. I really worry about my moods and how they affect my 6 year old daughter. She is so 'streetwise' already - warning her 3 year old brother 'Give mum some space now Sean, she has a headache!' Oh goodness - what am I doing to her? Thanks again for your support xx

Slowlygoingcrazy - love your name! That is me too! It sounds awful but thank-you for seding me your message - it is such a relief to know I'm not the only one out there who is struggling and feeling like I'm going mad!! Waffles, a visiting dog and plants too!! Scream if you want to - I often do!! I hope you have had an easier day today - I have had some help today from my mother-in-law, but even that has been a strain! Your message made me feel that someone understands - thank-you xxx

Posted 7/26/2007 2:52 PM (GMT 0)
Actually things got worse, a lot worse. I found out why my son was so distracted making his waffle. While I was running my daughter to daycare, he went into my purse again, not 24 hours after the 1st theft, and took $20 and this time he got away with spending it cause it was later in the day before I noticed it was gone and the camp counsellors didn't see him bring it out or they would've confiscated it. And then in the afternoon, my daughter gave me a hard time getting going to pick my son up, and my stress levels were so high, partially because at that point I knew the money was missing and I was livid, I just lost it. My daughter and I spent several minutes just screaming at each other. I'm not sure anything comprehensible came out but we screamed at the top of our lungs at each other. And then we both cried. I was bawling practically the whole walk over to pick my son up, and had to ask my husband to come home early from work. I couldn't trust myself to handle the kids anymore. I even ended up calling the FGI World employee assistance 1-800 line that we have access to because of where my husband works. Just needed to talk. And even today, I just feel so on edge. My son has betrayed my trust to such a level now, it's going to be a lot of work to get it back, and he doesn't get it all. We punished him by taking all his Pokemon cards away from him and he starts yelling at us that we're not being fair and that he's being ripped off.... We're at our wits end. We've been trying to get him help but we keep running into road blocks. I'm hoping we're on to a possible good lead at the moment but only time will tell. I am just feeling really run down and tired. Thank God my husband's days off are today and tomorrow.... Anyways, just thought I'd respond. I hope things are better for you today.

slowlygoingcrazy
Posted 7/27/2007 5:16 PM (GMT 0)

I understand how you feel - trult I do. At least you rang a helpline for help -I hope they did! I haven't the courage to ask for help. I just do as you said and wait for the days when my husband is off work and then he takes some of the flak. I can sleep too in the afternoon and recoup some of my lost energy. Screaming fits are common in my household - but usually between my husband and I. I am so sorry about your son - betraying your trust is a fundamental thing - you need to be able to trust him - he doesn't see that does he?

I'm tired and lost too - but maybe together we can work our way out of this. What help are you hoping to get for your son? Are the weekends easier because your husbands home?

Have a relaxing weekend - hugs xx

Posted 7/27/2007 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
Daughters seem to relate the their moms alot better. They understand

sons are so hard!!! I ran out of patience many many days believe me!


Shy
Posted 7/27/2007 6:17 PM (GMT 0)
sad  I have the patience of a tiny little bug i.e. NONE! One of my pet hates is the phrase 'Shut up!' i try never to use it with my kids - it means I've lost control. I have said it SO many times this week - it makes me cry just to think of their faces when they hear me say it.

I know I can do better but I just don't know how? My doctor told me today she will change me meds as they are not working - but she needs to refer with my Psychatrist for medication support - this won't happen till next week, and that means I'll have to come down off the one I'm on now and back onto a new med - and it takes 3-4 weeks for a new med to kick in with my system. Am so worried and lost sad sad

Posted 7/28/2007 12:16 AM (GMT 0)
sad  HSE~

I read your post just know and believe me i can feel every emotion that you are feeling.  I guess it is hard for people to understand how we could feel like we do about our children.  Depression is horrible enough but yes when you have to take care of children, it really destroys you on several levels.  I dont know if you can relate to these or not but these are some of the things i experience with my children.  I feel as if i have no life at all even though we are suppose to live for our children if we can just be blatently truthful here, i will go out on a limb to say that most of the time, i actually that i am trapped by being a mom and there are times when i wish i didnt have children, now i dont want to hear people say to me that this is awful and how could i feel like this but i do.  I can say that i sometimes feel "hatred" towards my "responsibilites".  These precious babies that are my life are also in my "depressed" life the reason i hate life.  Please anyone that is reading this, dont think that i am a bad person because i am not, i am just being truthful.  I love my children very much but I can relate with what HSE is saying.  I also feel as if my children are deprived of a "good" mother because I have no energy to be the kind of mom i think i should be.

 

I feel that my children miss out on so many things by having me as their mom.  I see moms playing in the park with their kids and envy their energy and ability to be someone i dont think i can ever be. 

 

If i could wish one thing for my children it would be this, I wish that they grow up healthy and that my depression has not made such a great impression that their future would be like mine. 

 

as a mom i want so much for my children as well as myself.  depression just takes it right out of you.

 

so sad it is, i feel so many emotions when i look at my children, i love them so much try every day to be better but i am always tired.

 

HSE, i can relate with you and there are so much more i could say but i think that you can see i can relate on some levels with you.

Posted 7/29/2007 11:21 AM (GMT 0)
:-)  Thank-you so much faithfully4you - that's me to a tea!!!!! I love my kids but sometimes wish I didn't have kids.

I see mums playing in the park and I have no energy to play with them.

Everything you said was as if I had said it - thank-you.

these feelings make me feel guilty SO much of the time - guilt is a horrid feeling and one I experience far too much of!!

I want the best for my kids and I know that I am not the best - I am sometimes the worst mum in the world! I want to sleep and hide away from all these negative feelings. I just don't know how to!!!

Posted 8/6/2007 1:54 AM (GMT 0)
HSE~

you are so welcome dear!!!  I know that there are many moms that maybe feel the same but wont speak the words i did.  Tough but true we as moms in my opinion have been cheated by depression and as usual does not allow us to function like "normal" moms.

 

You are more than welcome to email me anytime, I know what it is like to also lose a child because of my depression.  It has been over 8 years since my depression touched my children's lives and it continues to even today.

 

Please know that I understand that you are doing the best you can for your children and yourself-NEVER EVER DOUBT YOURSELF!!!

 

 

Posted 8/10/2007 6:44 PM (GMT 0)

:-)   :-) faithfully4you - I so agree - we have been cheated by depression - I find each day a challenge - some days I can cope - some days I want to curl up and die!! That sounds harsh but I find some days unbearable - we have been to a farm park today (I live in the UK) and we did SO much and I am so tired but my husband has just said "You can do the baths tonight!" Well - he can do the ***** baths I'm telling you !!

After much discussion - he's doing them xxx

Posted 8/12/2007 12:35 AM (GMT 0)
HSE~

how are you doing?  School is about to start and I know that you are syked about that!!  I know I am :)

There have been so many times I have thought of you over the past few weeks and wondered how you were handling things.  I hope the husband is helping you out a little more than he was.  Is he supportive of you and your care of depression?  I hope so because that is half the battle especially when you have children.

 

My son had a bout yesterday that has me concerned about him having depression.  I picked him up from his grandmother's house and he was joyous and happy as usual and sweating so bad from playing.  He has not spent alot of time with me this summer because of thing that have taken place in my home so he has stayed pretty much the summer with his dad, at least the most part of July and now the past couple months.  Anyway, he was in the car with me for about 20 minutes or so and he was exhausted, and he got so sad and whiney.  I know kids get like that when they finally stop after playing so hard but you as well as I know the difference.  Anyway, we went to the store to get a few things and he started complaining about his stomach and head hurting.  It got so bad that he wanted to lay down on the store floor.  At first I thought maybe appendics but then before he started feeling bad he was fine and laughing at another kid in the store.  Then he got will sad and started crying.  Once we got home he took a bath and was on the couch the rest of the evening.  These are the times that I think that my depression is not good for him, here I wasnt even showin signs of my depression outwardly and he was like this.  This is the hold this monster(depression) has on our kids.

 

Then people wonder why we doubt our ability to give our kids a good "functional" home.  I hope that this is not something that is starting to be a depression for him but it looks that way to me.

 

I hope that you are doing ok and i know that you will understand what I am saying.

 

Let me know.

Posted 8/14/2007 12:14 PM (GMT 0)
:-)   :-) faithfully4you -- So lovely to hear from you!! I feel we are soul mates - going through the same things at the same time!! Our school term starts on September 3rd - still 2 1/2 weeks left yet!! (I live in England) xx

It's great when they are at school - I'm going to be working part-time from September - I'm a teacher - 5 years old. Such fun!! and such hard work !!

My husband does help out - he can be great at times but at other times I wish he could be in my head, feel the way I feel, then maybe he would understand xx

As for the incident with your son in the store - wow! How old is he? Has he shown any signs like this before? I feel it may just have been exhaustion from a busy day - and a change from being with his father and then being with you. Try not to worry about it please xx

One of my friends told me that kids are very resilient - they bounce back!! I do believe that to a certain extent - but how many bounces can they have before they crash??

I so get what you are saying about making a good home for our kids. We are - we are there for them!! I have had a troubled childhood, physical and mental abuse. I made the decision when I had kids that I would NEVER hit my children - I have kept that promise - I have never hit them (and never will) xx

See - we are doing some good -honestly we are!! You love your kids and so do I - even if some days we feel like screaming at them - most parents do!!

Let's hang on in there - you and me - we will survive this 'depression' - we will!!

Big hugs to you xx  Thanks for your lovely messages - they are really helping me xx

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