Well, lets see.. where to begin... I am here to ask your opinion whether you think I have depression or not. I will try and give you a short summary of my life up to this point.
Ok, well... I am 19yrs old(I just turned 19 less then 10 days ago) and am currently unemployed, uneducated(one semester of Uni), and unexperienced(work or skill wise).
Let me start a while back.. From the 8th grade onwards, I ended up eating lunch alone for the majority of my school-life. The 9th grade got worse due to teasing and bullying(mentally) mainly during lunch time, where I could be found eating alone(its odd really..its the cause and effect). Anyway, that continued through highschool and later college. To sum up my grade-school experience, I only made two friends that I ever saw outside of school and the rest were just classmates which I rarely spoke with. I had hoped during highschool things would change and I might actually meet some people.. but as you have read, I was completely wrong and everything continued as the years before. During these years, I became a PC gamer and spent most of the free-time socializing on the computer which is fairly irrelevant.
The summer before my first semester of university began, I pumped up all of my confidence thinking that everything would be diffrent when I arrived at university and that I would meet friends and possibly even a girlfriend. As it seems, I was completely wrong. I met three people whom I actually felt were friends and occasionaly(sometimes a day or two at a time, but usually every two weeks) ate lunch and had some great conversations with them. As I stated, I rarely saw them at lunch and never saw them outside of the cafeteria... I might have been naive to think they were good friends but they were friendlier then most people that I came into contact with. The classes during the first semester went well... I passed most classes(including comp sci, which was mind-numbingly hard) except for finite math and fundamentals of electricity. Mentally, everything at that point was decent concidering the lack socialization and I was extremely proud of passing computer science.
It all started going downhill upon arrival for the second semester. During christmas break, I got a new haircut and a few pairs of clothing thinking that might help make my life a little bit better and that it might help to make some friends. Once I went to my first few days of classes, I got restless(lack of a better term) during the classes and every minute dragged on for ages.. after a few of those, I could not stand going to classes and soonafter I stopped attending my lessons. From this point, I informed my parents that I was quiting school which they denied for months and I was forced to live in the dorms while waiting for consent. During this time, I felt guilty for still being at the university while everyone else was going to classes while I was doing nothing...but I had very few plausible options. I had hoped during this time I would figure out what I wanted to do with my life but it never came. After I was finally allowed to return home(5months ago), I became very isolated from the outside world and to this day I am completely isolated.
I always had hope that things would change for the better but they never did and ever since I left the university, I lost all hope and motivation in life. I have never had any goals or dreams for my life and soon, I am expected to go out in the world and do all of the things that are expected of someone in my situation. Since I have been home, I have become extremely sad about
my situation and the more I think about
my problems and my past mistakes, the worse off I feel. The problems that I have on my plate are over-whelming at times and I end up escaping to the internet trying to take my mind off of my life. I really can not remember the last time that I have been truly happy..I even try my best to look satisfied with how things are going but everything tends to make me unhappy when I am alone. [hm... feelings can be so hard to express... it took me well over an hour to write all of this... I went over it all atleast a half dozen times... ]
Well... I will let you leave your opinion on the matter(though, I will not being seeing a therapist..). Feel free to say, "Get a job" or "Take life one step at a time"... any advice/opinions/suggestions are welcome. Also, I have checked out the survey that was posted in a diffrent thread, so that is not needed.
Post Edited (drgndj) : 8/27/2007 9:22:14 AM (GMT-6)