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I just need a shoulder to cry on...

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Posted 9/2/2007 1:51 AM (GMT 0)
I am so upset and have been crying for a while now. I recently moved in with my mom and dad due to my house being foreclosed on. I am battling cancer and a back disability and still out of work. Still debating to file for disability or try and go back to work (nursing will be nearly impossible to do with my physical limitations). So stress is high. I am in treatment for depression, but it hasn't caught on yet. I was on Lexapro, but was switched at 4 weeks to Cymbalta. The cymbalta has helped my neuropahy but not my depression, but I know it takes a few weeks to kick in. I am also on Lamactil and Klonopin for my mood irritability and swings and anxiety.
Anyway, I am just out of my mind with stress, not knowing where my life is going to take me. The worst part is, I have my two young children living with us, ( I am in the middle of a custody battle-another huge stress) and tonight my mom spent about an hour scream at them. I couldn't get her to stop,and I hate when she overshoots me in disipline. They are so confused as it is, and my daughter has a significant anxiety disorder and is so sensitive to the yelling. Why does she have to scream at them??? When my kids whine or cry about something, she tells them to stop cause "it doesn't solve anything". Then why does she think screaming at the kids will change anything??? I just hate it when she contradicts herself with all her preaching about christianity an forgiveness and being a good person, but at home, she is the total opposite. Yelling, huffing, sighing loudly (just to make sure we hear her), etc.
I don't know how I'm going to live here. I hate my life. I have nothing to look forward to. I don't have a car, so I can't leave. I don't even have my own room. I am forced to sleep out on the living room couch and it sucks. I have no privacy. Ugh. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I am a horrible mother because I can't support my kids, nor can I provide for them since I've been out of work since January with cancer. Just the treatment wipes me out, makes it very difficult to do much, yet I cook, clean, do the laundry (which kills my back----i have severe chronic pain in my back). I just feel like the crap keeps piling on and it will never stop and I don't know how long I can handle being here.

Sorry, I just had to let that out. It's really been wearing on me. Thanks for anyone who listened. I sure don't have anyone here to talk to. I don't have any friends around since I got sick. Some "friends".
Posted 9/2/2007 2:30 AM (GMT 0)

Dear Rehabnurse,

I am so sorry to hear about your recent situation being so difficult.  I do not know why people offer to do things that they do not want to truly do, I feel for you and your children.  I know you are going through alot, but I would consider if I were you to search for some kind of aid that may help you and your children have a place of your own.  In the mean time I would try to have a chat with your mom and explain to her your concerns regarding her yelling and the fact that you should be the disciplinariany not her, after all they are your children.  Also, I am sure it is confusing for them to be disciplined by different people.  I hope that you can find yourself some assistance to get you your own place and space it really sounds like you need it.  Well good luck hang in there, I also tried cymbalta, it decreased my back pain, but did not do anything for my back pain.  I just had surgery recently myself for a back injury and am temporarily out of work do to it and share your frustration.  I was a pre-nursing student, which was a dream of mine and now I have to accept that my back will not be ab le to handle nursing at all.  I have spent the last two years studying for something I can no longer do.  Due to my back pain, I am working as a hostess at a restaurant and am making practically nothing compared to when I was a PCT at the hospital.  My compassion for other people put me in a position of hurting myself when a patient fell on me, so I do feel your struggle regarding work and such.  Things will get better for both of us in time.  Just try to be positive and enjoy your children while you have the time out of work and take good care of yourself.

Hugs,

Afloat

Posted 9/2/2007 9:02 AM (GMT 0)
I hurt my back by helping a post-op hip patient from falling. She had climbed out of bed, and was trying to walk (but couldn't), and I got to her just as she fell on top of me. That was the start of my injury 8 years ago. I was able to keep working for a few years. But most recently developed cancer on top of the back pain, so have been off work for that. I did try to apply for all types of assistance...medicaid, food stamps, etc, but was told I was unable due to my pending divorce. Of course, I don't receive money from him, never have, and probably never will. And yet I was forced to continue to pay his health insurance, which is now on COBRA at 1000 dollars a month. Nice government we have. I am applying for SSDI, but I know it will be a long battle. I really wish I could find some kind of nursing to do. It's so hard to find a desk job. Everyone wants a bedside nurse, and although I would love it, I just physically CAN'T do it due to my back pain. I suffered for many years in pain, and it's gotten to the point where it's too much. I am no good to my patients if I can't barely care for myself.
I wish you could finish school and follow your dream. Have you thought of being an X-ray tech, or nuclear medicine tech, or ultrasound tech?? They don't have much lifting (as far as I see, I could be wrong) but they pay well. some of the X-ray techs make more than the nurses.
Thanks for replying to me. It means a lot.
Posted 9/2/2007 12:36 PM (GMT 0)
nurse

first of all I want to welcome you to the forum,I am very glad that you found us and I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I do know somewhat about your situation as far as moving back home. I left a very abusive marriage about 5 years ago,and had to live with my mom for 2 months. She too yelled at my kids, tried to be their mom,it was horrible.
I think your mom is majorly stessed and she probably has forgotten how to act around younger kids. Did she treat you that way when you were younger?

I hope that things turn around for you...please keep us posted.

Shy
Posted 9/2/2007 6:05 PM (GMT 0)
Rehab~

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.  Please know this though that you are not alone in your struggles.  I know that is not comforting to hear but I can feel the despair in your words.  I have been there recently and the pain and depression you are feeling cant be described in words.

 

My depression has reached an all time high this year and has taken me places that I do not want to go back too.  No matter how bad it is for you, reach out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

We are here.

Posted 9/2/2007 10:36 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Rehab, I am so sorry for all your going through.  I moved in with my mom and her new husband of 6 months...3 years ago when seperated from my husband.  I have had MS for 6 years.  At the time I moved in I started to look for a house and apartments but got caught up in the divorce which turned out to be nasty even though we didnt have kids.  So I stayed with my mom longer then I expected. 

Then to my dismay one day I just fell sick...passed out in the living room.  After being in the hospital for several weeks, having to get a pacemaker for bradycardia (hr was in the 20's) and extremely low blood pressure.  Doctors found that I had an autonomic disorder.  So, my brief stay at mom's turned into 3 yrs.  It was rocky at first and getting used to having very limited space and next to no privacy was a killer.  But that was what I had to do at the time to get by and make the best of the situation.

To me it does sound as if you need to speak to your mother about how she talks to your kids.  I would set some boundries with her and let her know that even though you are living there you are still their mother and you will be the one who punishes them if they need it.  Perhaps that will take some stress off of you and her...maybe?

I would think your best bet would be to file for disability now.  Your living with your parents and have no income.  If you start to work and have applied they will deny any claim you have filed.  It is a long hard road but there are quite a few people who have applied and been approved on their first try.  All you can do is see what happens...

Posted 9/5/2007 7:42 PM (GMT 0)

rehabnurse,

I read your reply and am thankfull for all your advice.  I am glad to tell you I have finally decided to go for x-ray tech.  I found a couple different schools, it should take 2-3 years, but is a much better option than nursing for me.  What a relief, it feels good to finally be able to get past the idea of nursing.  I hope that all is going well or at least better for you.  take care and thanks again.

Afloat

Posted 9/5/2007 8:38 PM (GMT 0)

Hi RN

I am sorry that things have not imporved for you.  I sure would like to see you look into the disability process as it takes a long time to go through all the documentation and forms, you should start on it soon.

It would certainly help you get back on your feet and win back your independence.

Take care of you.

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