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It's been such a long time since I was this low...

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Posted 9/15/2007 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
Hi,

I've been "recovering" from depression for over 2-1/2 years, and today had a big relapse. I got repremanded at work for crying, and since I came home I really lost it. I had forgotten how dark the depression is... I've been on a decreased dose for a few months, but now that I'm so down, I guess I might have to up my dose again. I'm amazed how quickly this can sneak up..

Bear

Posted 9/15/2007 1:06 AM (GMT 0)

Hi tangerine bear

I'm new here, but not to depression. In the 18 years since I was diagnosed, they're have been several ups and downs, it happens.  You probably know this.

What caused the drop?  Is there anything that happened recently that may have helped you start to drop?

Doug

Posted 9/15/2007 9:33 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Tangerine Bear,

I am sorry to hear that you have relapsed after all the hard work you have put in to healing yourself. Do you know what caused it? I agree that it might be better to go back to the higher dose of meds again and see if things stabalise out. But please see your doctor first before changing any meds.

Keep us Posted

Darren

Posted 9/15/2007 10:17 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Bear, Super BIG HUGS to you...it sounds like you need them eyes

Do you know what brought on your crying spell at work?  It sounds like your going to want to be very careful with that as they arent too sympathic...perhaps go to the bathroom or something if you feel like you need to cry.

Posted 9/15/2007 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Bear,I am so sorry. I know how hard you have worked at beating the depression.
I too suffered a major break down Thursday night. My eyes are still swollen from crying.
It amazes me how it can creep up on you when you think you have it under control

Stay strong,you beat it once,I know you can do it again.


Shy
Posted 9/15/2007 2:34 PM (GMT 0)

hi thanks to everyone for the replies. I know I should be able to control my emotions but I have a big problem with that sometimes. I also have anxiety disorder and when this type of thing creeps up on me I lose control and my thought processes get foggy. I know it's good advice to go to the bathroom, etc to cry. My problem is letting go of things, which is part of my ocd issues. I suppose that's why I have to stay in therapy...

hugs to all

bear

Posted 9/15/2007 7:02 PM (GMT 0)

Bear, those emotions are so hard to control most especially when they have built up or you have a trigger that sets them off. 

I understand, I'm OCD with anxiety/panic disorder too though my ocd isnt all that bad really...I am just really obessive about some things.  When I have my episodes (that is what I usually call them) I usually escape to the nearest place where no one else is.  But that is just me, my thoughts are on getting out, running that sort of thing.  Thearpy does help if you can really use the mind over matter thing and recognize when these are coming on.  Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't so, I still take xanax when I need too.

Dont be too harsh on yourself when this happens.  I think we all have such differant coping skills.  We try so hard to be strong and alright that we sometimes over compisate by not releasing some emotions that we should so they build up, then we blow up.  I bet people who dont have depression or anxiety do it too but they most likely dont beat themselves up about it as much as we do.

Hugs to you sweets...have a wonderful weekend :-)

Posted 9/16/2007 10:14 PM (GMT 0)

I'm feeling a tiny bit better after upping my dose 2 days in a row, although I've slept a LOT this weekend. That is how I cope when this happens... Thank you for the support

Bear

Posted 9/17/2007 10:23 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

Are you increasing your dosage in line with doctors advice? I am a little concerned that it has been increased 2 days in a row since it can take up to 2-4 weeks for the full impact to be realised. On the flip side... I am glad that you are feeling better, even if it is only a tiny bit. Do you rmember the song "The only way is up" ? lol

Darren

 

Posted 9/17/2007 12:32 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Darren,

Thank you for your reply and your concern. My doctor has allowed me to up (or lower) my lexapro dosage many times during my 2+ years of treatment. I am prescribed 20 mg., but have been taking just half for a while. When my symptoms get bad, I sometimes up the dose to 15, or in this case 20mg. She really thinks I should take 15mg regularly, but I've lowered the dose lately because I tend to get "twitchy". In times of extreme stress or depression, I up the dose. If I get the muscle twitches, I will certainly go back down. Because I already have a blood level of the medicine it doesn't take long for the medicine to start working, at least for me.

I'm very nervous about going to work today... the "what if's" have taken over, and I'm extremely worried that I will be let go because I went to speak with HR after work about the incident. I'm hoping that I'm just overreacting (as usual), but I guess I'll find out today...

Bear

Posted 9/17/2007 7:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

Im glad to hear that your doctor is happy with your dosage changes. Its not something I hear of very often in the UK and I was just a little worried you were doing it yourself (I guess I was just over-reacting! lol) Im no expert on employment law, but i dont think they can sack you for having depression... Check with your HR department on that one. Dont let "What if's" rule your life... What if you get run over by a bus, what if you get shot by a robber, what if you have a heart attack and die? What if's never end and there is no where that you can draw the line. You are best off sticking to what you know. I know I am going to work today, I know that HR are going to speak to me etc... If you try and second guess everything, then you soon become obsessed to the point where you can lose sight of what you are really trying to do.

I hope you have a great day at work today and that everything goes well,

Darren  

Posted 9/18/2007 12:01 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Darren,

Your description of the "what ifs" is spot on. I can tell you that my life is a constant battle with it. My therapist is always working on that one with me! I did go to HR today and spoke with them about the situation. If they try to "sack" me, at least I have it all on record. They also told me that they think my boss is trying to just intimidate me, because there is no rule that I've broken by crying. If there was (I was told), they would have written me up, but they couldn't. So.... we'll see.

Thank you for your kind replies

Bear

Posted 9/18/2007 12:06 PM (GMT 0)

Hi there,

Im glad that things were OK when you went to see HR. It sounds like they were more sympathetic than your boss was when he sent you home.

All the best

Darren

Posted 9/21/2007 1:29 AM (GMT 0)
I wish I was feeling a lot better, but an eye infection has me really down in the dumps. People have been really mean to me at work saying "What's wrong with your eye?" and "Do you have pinkeye?" and then everyone moving away from me. Yikes.. I can't even go to the doc because of training... It's always something...

Bear

Posted 9/21/2007 8:22 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Bear,

For me personally, I would skip the training and see the doctor. An infection in your eye can be quite serious if it is left alone and (in the worst case) you can lose part of your sight. Im sorry that the people at work are being so childish... It really makes my blood boil when I hear things like this because it reminds me of my school days. People in the workplace should know better. All I can suggest is all I can suggest is that you talk to your HR team and see what they say.

Wishing you Well

Darren

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