need to talk

I am alone and drowing in my own thoughts of darkness anybody who can help before i do something stupid please

Thank you for the reply and linkes I have done the hole thing phoned the hotlines got a number made an appointment but could not afford to see tehm now iam back to square one .I live in South Africa in a small town not alot of options avail i just need to talk to someone so i am not alone right now cant find anybody

Okay dark, here is a link where you can chat with a counselor live at no cost.... http://www.newhopenow.org/counseling/liveperson.html

Here is a link to Befrienders Worldwide...just put your country in and you can get help numbers from there.  http://www.befrienders.org/  You should be able to talk to someone on one of these links without having to make an appointment with a doctor.  I hope you can and please let us know.  Take care

Hey Dark,

Hi I am Kitt, and if you are looking to talk you have come to the right place.  We are here, and we are open and willing to listen and respond to you in a positive manner.

So please use this site as a place to make friends who know where your coming from and what your going through.

Use the numbers without hesitation if you need them.

Gentle Hugs.

Hi Dark

I check the forum here about every hour and yes I've been watching this thread since you posted.  Decided I would let you know I'm here to talk to if you need/want.

Doug

It's no waste of time talking to you dark.  You're right, we all go through times of lonliness and confusion.  Some of us more often then others.

You have half the battle won already by first recognizing where you are right now, secondly by finding people to talk to either right here or on the phone.  Stick with it, don't back down.  You have the strength to get through this.

Every time I check back, I hope to see a message from you...I'll sleep at my desk if I need to.

Look forward to your next message,

Doug

I'm 40 dark and it wasn't till the last few years that I got some resemblace of a nornal life.  Well what other's call normal anyway.  I know it's hard to look out from where you are right now, but trust me, there is light outside of the darkness you're in.  You just need to find that crack in the wall.

Do you take any medication for this?

It's not much different here.  I spent many years hiding behind a fake smile and pretending that all was good when other people were around.  I didn't want to become an out-cast.  There came a point though, when the damage it was doing to me out wieghed what other's would think.  I went and talked to my doctor and got things started.  Still, I wasn't making this information available to anyone, except my wife of course.  People don't need to know that you are on a medication.  Heck you're taking "man" pills as far as anyone else is concerned.  Nosey people.  The only thing people may notice is you being more comfortable and happier.

You need to take care of you, Dark

I will be looking for you later.  Hope you get some sleep.

Doug

 

Hi Dark,

Just wanted to chime in as someone else who as experienced some of the feelings you are describing (in my own way of course). You are by no means spineless nor is any of what you are feeling your fault. Accepting you have a problem and posting about it here took a lot of courage. It took me years to even get up the nerve to Google the word depression let alone admitting to myself that what I was going through was not "normal" and that I needed help. Feeling that things are hopeless is a symptom of the illness we have decided to call depression and is NOT a sign of weakness.

If it helps any, I too went through some very nasty insomnia and I know how much worse it can make things seem. I think it is very important that you do whatever works for you to try and get more sleep. What worked for me is, out of desperation, I bought a treadmill and would run myself tired (make sure to drink lots of water) a few hours before I wanted to go to sleep. I know you've probably heard the "do some exercise" thing before I'm just saying it really helped me to sleep better. As an unexpected benefit, all that running got me into better shape and improved my mood quite a bit.

There is a billboard here in Canada that says "10% of people suffer from depression... 90% suffer from ignorance." I think that sums things up rather nicely. Forums like this one are going a long way to improving this situation. "Talking to strangers about it" as you said is a very helpful thing in my opinion. For one thing, you have access to hundreds of people from all walks of life who have been there or are there now. Also, a stranger has very little reason to judge you and the anonymous nature of a forum means you are getting honest feedback straight from the heart (I would never be so open with my feelings in person). Take heart that by posting here you have taken a big step in your recovery and you are now on your way! Don't let this thing beat you! I am rooting for you.

SC

its ok Thank you for the encouragement i hear what u saying and i want to believe just very hard right now. Life so complicted

We're all rooting for you dark, that's what friends are for.

 

Hi Dark, I am very glad to see that your still posting.  Here in the US many people are still very ignorant regarding depression and the causes of it.  Regardless of the advances of science in this area of study.  I can only imagine how much worse it is in your country of South Africa.

The facts are that depression is a chemical imbalance of seratonin in the brain.  Also, depression can be brought on be external factors early on in a persons life such as abuse, poverty, neglect and low self esteem.  There are also genetic factors to consider when looking at depression too as family history can play a big part into this.  Someone may have grown up happy and healthy but if a parent or grandparent had depression or antother type of mental illness then they could be genetically predisposed to having a mental disorder on down the line. 

I guess if you havent already figured out by now I am full of information on this stuff.  I worked in mental health and also I have depression & post traumatic stress disorder due to an abusive childhood.  I also have anxiety/panic disorder which developed when I became physicially ill with Multiple Sclerosis 6 years ago and have some OCD which I contribute to my jerk of an ex-husband who had this really bad and never would admit it.  I think some habit rub off on people ya know?  Anyhow, I am going to post to you more links on depression so you can know your not alone and become informed about it.

Please know you are not weak...us who suffer with this terrible disease and yes it is indeed a disease and medical illness are the strongest of them all.  Who else could struggle with the demons in our heads day after day and continue to go on? 

After 11 years of torture by my stepfather as a child my mother tried to make me see a psychiatrist she knew I was depressed and needed help but I always refused.  Even on those rare occasions when she did manage to get me there I wouldnt talk.  Guess I just wasnt ready or thought I could handle it.  How wrong I was.  I was was 25 before I got help on my own and it came down the very last wire...I wouldnt of made it another hour if I didnt get into the doctor.  My thoughts and mind were taking over everything that I was and knew.  I was put on an antidepressant and antianxiety which helped pretty quick thank God.  But over the next 6 years I played with starting and stopping my meds as at times I felt I could go without and be okay.  Each time I would good for a few months and then slid down that slippery slope again and be right back where I started.  With Major Depression which is my diagnosis I know I will have to always be on an antidepressant to function and feel well.  I see a psychiatrist now and have for the last 2 years and yeah, I let my mom push this last time on that one as I was sick again and in the hospital with heart & blood pressure problems and didnt have the energy to fight her.  But it was the best decision ever.  

So many people are going to push for the doctor and seeking help with medications...but if you really think about it the way you have been doing thinks on your own hasnt been helping right?  If you dont have mental health and clarity then most other areas of your life are screwed up also.  That is why it is so important to get checked out by a professional not worry what others think...you are doing it for you that is what is important.  Keep posting we are always here...

 http://www.upliftprogram.com/depression_stats.html

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml

http://www.healthyminds.org/multimedia/depression.pdf

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-what-every-woman-should-know/depression-is-a-treatable-illness.shtml