BROKE UP with depressed BF...what next?

Ann,

I am so very sorry it came to this

I know what is like being a single parent being how I am one.  So even $30.00 is a lot of maney (utility bill for 1 month, etc.)  But given his condition, you really have to ask yourself if you want to put yourself in theposition for continued drama and emotional hell.  There is no gaurantee how long his episode will last and to what extent he will perform viscious acts to hurt you.

Please remember, this is not your ex-partner, but the illness that is making him do it.  His choosing not to seek treatment for something that is causing such obvious adverse affects in his life is more than dissapointing to you I'm sure.  The illness makes them feel as if all their actions ar completely justified and totally sane.  We see it from the outside in a logical manner, but they don't have that luzury at the time they are experiencing a mania/episode. 

I am going to assume that whatever possessions your son has at your ex's place is replaceable right?  E-bay is a source to tap for replacement purposes.  Another is your local Craigslist.com. 

You are in a really painful, heart wrenching position right now and I must say that my thoughts go out to you.  I do not wish the same for myself or anyone else I know.  As cliche as it is, TIME does help to heal and move on. 

Of and on, I think about whether I will be in the same boat as you...with my own partner.  It may happen, but I am hoping and praying it doesn't.  Life is not predictable, that's is for sure!

I hope this response helped you.  Please know we are all here for you, not matter what :)

Be well..

wcc

Thank you both for your kindness and support. When he gets like this I never know what reaction I will get. One day rational and the next day off the chain. I will heed your advice and let sleeping dogs lie. It does get better each day I go without contact. He initiated the break yet is angry with me for seeing other people after a month when he ended it. I have decided not to involve my son in anymore of my dating. I did not introduce him to this man until six months after dating and he is the only man my son has met post divorce. I know he is in pain...seen him cry and ask for me to start over...but with him not following medical advice I see the situation not getting better. He is still drinking liqour after going through rehab less than a year ago, and that was for prescription drug addiction. That drug addiction ended his marriage.

I am always so confused by this. I have found this website so helpful during this on and off again relationship. It is the demise of my happily everafter dream. I really thought I had a future with this man. He has never been physically violent, but he can be verbally abusive particularly when drinking. One time he got so mad he punched and dented the frig door. My son has seen none of this. As relationship started deteroriate about two months ago I withdrew son from contact only seeing bf during my son's visitation with father. I feel so stupid for trying to rescue him. I usually not that kind of person. Believe or not, I really thought if I cared and supported him enough he would change...dumb, dumb, dumb....

Thanks for listening one day at a time, Sweet Jesus...Ann

Thank you all again. I know I have posted this in another thread but bf did not disclose his clinical depression or rehab stay. He was released from rehab literally days from our first date. He just seems so normal when you first meet him...well educated, attentive, loving and giving. Shy, I think you are right when he realizes he is punishing my son (it is his bike, his only fishing pole and tackle, games, etc...stuff you would keep at a vacation place to entertain a child) by not giving him back his stuff...then he will return them I hope. I really did and do care about this man. Yet, I am proud that I am not trying to go to his apt. to force him to talk this out. It is what I have done the other three times he barracked himself inside his apt. and refused to go or to talk to anyone outside of work. In the year, I dated him I never used a bad word towards him. Yet, in the last week he has made comments about being too easy with the guys...now you know what words I am talking about. I think he gets to drinking in his apt. and then lets the insults roll usually on email. Anyway, I lost my cool and gave it back to him for the first time earlier this week. He then warned me not to contact him about returning stuff from vacation place because "...I shouldn't turn my back on a wounded animal (him of course)."

You folks are all right...I know that. He even had the audacity to email me about the beautiful new woman in his life and his plans for them to be together this weekend (wink, wink). I know you folks keep telling me how easy for an untreated person to disassociate their feelings but man he is cold. Also, did not tell me married four times only said once for a relatively long period. Anyway, so may lies and omissions that he is a really confused guy. I am done. He does have some positive elements but I am losing sight of them in all the fighting. Glad that has stopped. There is hope after this right? Thanks. Ann

Hi Everyone

Well you are so right about meeting new men who are healthy...I think I found someone who does not lie and does deal with medical issues. It has been fun casually dating as opposed to being enmeshed in drama all the time...esp. when it isn't even my drama. I continue to heal and am trying to just focus on myself and my son. It has been a year of discovery that I do not wish to repeat. Thank you all for your support. I think God's gives us pillars when we need them...and I sure needed them. Ann

Shy or Ann,

I am going thru something similar to what Ann is going thru, but I am married and less than 60 days away from the divorce date. I also am a single parent of two girls and know they are going to hurt as well. This is my second failed marriage. I did admit my faults and corrected them, but even doing so, it didn't seem to matter, even though it is what she wanted. She is not looking for a job or a place of her own, she just sits on the computer. I am afraid it will get ugly in the end, as she has also cheated on me and still is. I seem to have a hard time letting go and moving on. My kids mean the world to me. But I am also afraid of being alone again. Your kids should be your first priority but they can't fullfill all your needs. I hope that that doesn't sound selfish. I love my two girls with all my heart and look forward to being alone with them again. I am also trying to spend more one on one time with them. I hope that there is someone out there that will love me for me again.  One more thing to add, which is also part of the problem, I have lost interest in the things I loved to do.  I don't work in my yard or outdoors anymore.  The drive seems to have left me.  For some reason that part of me shut down, which causes me to have way too much time on my hands.  I know I shouldn't be so dependent on others for my own happiness.  How I got in this cycle I do not know.

Eagle

Post Edited (EagleCT) : 10/13/2007 8:18:01 AM (GMT-6)