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Scared I am Depressed

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Posted 9/4/2007 10:19 PM (GMT 0)
I am scared incase im depressed.

I feel that my life is boring, nothing good or exciting ever happens. Only bad things happen to me and my family. I feel that everyone is enjoying there lives yet my life has been at a standstill for many years. I cannot remember the last time I trully smiled.

Yet when I come here to post why I might think im depressed, I forget all the reasons why I think im depressed, maybe thats because theres not really any reason I should be depressed, but I am.

I feel like im not good enough for anyone, like girls deserve better than me, but at the same time I also feel I have so much love to give to a special person, its weird.

I feel really self concious and worry about everything, I worry about what people think of me and worry that they are all probably talking about me behind my back. I always think the worse of everything.

I have been on my own, relationship wise, for years, mainly due to the fact I have no confidence whatsoever and feel im no good for anyone.

I do these really crazy things to ease my mind about something and get it to stop worrying.

I have really low self esteem and no motivation, I feel that every day is the exact same and there is nothing to look forward to, whats the point?

I'v never really thought about suicide, it hasn't been that serious, altho I have thought "about it" but not me actually doing it kinda thing.

It takes me ages to get to sleep. I can't stop thinking about stuff. How do you not think and relax?

Yet after all that, I feel like im a really nice person. THere are really stupid things that get me REALLY annoyed. Things such as, me holding the door open for someone and them walking in without saying "thank you". It really gets me down and think "Whats the point?". Me seeing other people litter in the street, seeing people bully others. It really gets me down.

I am really scared of life, scared of facing it.

Does that sound weird?

I feel so lonely. :(
Posted 9/5/2007 12:07 AM (GMT 0)

Hey life, Welcome to healing well, we are happy to have you join us here.  There are so many great points to life you just have to find what yours are.  I know first hand how completely difficult this is when you are feeling depressed and others stress you out.

Just a few points here for reference...you dont have to have a bad spot in your life to go back to and say that is what caused my depression.  You dont even have to be able to explain why or what brought it about, sometimes depression just is.  There are many wonderful treatments for depression on the market now so please know that you dont have to suffer with this, there is help all you have to do is make a doctor appointment.  If you still question if this is even a possibility for you then there are many depression questionnaires that you can Google on-line.  Try one of those and they will give you a pretty accurate score of where you are at.

Also, just from reading your post it sounds as if you might have some problems with anxiety.  Please do correct me if you feel I am wrong here but, a lot of the points you brought up about not sleeping, keep replaying things through your mind, other people upsetting the way you described was an indication for my reasoning behind this conclusion.  I have panic & anxiety disorder with my depression along with post traumatic stress disorder.  It took awhile after my depression was controlled to be able to start working on my anxiety which is what the biggest problem daily was.  The two kinda go hand in hand.

I am sure you will get more responses and suggestions from other members here.  Everyone is very supportive and kind.  Take care

Posted 9/5/2007 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
Els, very well said
what some do not realize (my hubby being one) is that you are not depressed because something happened to make you depressed, it is a chemical imbalance and sometimes no matter how hard you try you can not shake it on your own. The symptoms you described are most of what I have went through my who life. The thearpist told me there may be times in my life I did not need meds to help me, but I have found that I really need to stay on them. The not sleeping is a sign of depression also.
I think about things at night and they race through my head also. I have learned to do a excerise that help me allot. I think of a word any word and I simply keep saying this word over and over in my head and it stops the raceing thoughts. I take Trazadone at night which is an older antidepressant that helps you sleep and stay asleep. Been on it for years and it wroks real good.
I also take Effexor xr during the day for my depression. I have tried many and I mean many and this med works great for me. I also take a low dose of alprazolam at night for the anxiety part which helps to with the raceing thoughts. What works for one though don't always work for another.
Please if your not on meds, talk to your Dr about maybe starting some, talking to a thearpist also helped me understand depression. While there are things in life to make us feel depressed, we should not feel that way all the time. Please keep in touch. There is meds that will help you. I hope you find something that helps you
Take care friend and if you need to talk this is a great place to do it! People here care:)
Posted 9/6/2007 11:17 AM (GMT 0)
Life
I too wanted to welcome you to the forum,I am sure you will find that you will get the support that you are looking for here.
You have been given some great advice. I just wanted to add that we do understand and I think Elisha is right,that you are experiencing anxiety attacks and they have some great meds out there to help you cope with those.


Please keep us posted and good luck


Shy
Posted 9/7/2007 7:30 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there,

I would like to welcome you to Healingwell as well (As many others before me have done! lol). Elisha has given you some great advice there and I want you to understand that whatever it is that you are suffering from (Although I agree that it is likely to be anxiety attacks), there are meds out there to help you.

There is always someone around on HW to listen... Please dont keep it bottled up.

BEst Wishes

Darren

Posted 10/4/2007 3:22 AM (GMT 0)
Hi life,

The way you described yourself almost described me to the T. I too think that nothing good ever happens to me, have the same girl problems, no motivation, and anxiety. When I try to sleep at night I lie awake with different thoughts going through my head. It sometimes takes me hours to fall asleep. In the morning I don't want to get out of bed and I feel like sleeping throughout the day. I can't ever remember being happy since I was 7 or 8 years old (I'm now 20). Sure there have been some moments of happiness since then but they're just that, moments that don't last very long. For the most part of my life I feel miserable and worthless.

Yes, I've been to therapists, I've tried several different kinds of antidepressants, but nothing seems to work. I try not to let it show to my friends and family and for the most part have done a very good job of covering it up. But lately I've just started to not care about much anything anymore and people are starting to notice somethings a little different about me.

I guess posting this has helped clear my head a little bit because I never talk about this to people I know in person. This is my first visit to this forum, I stumbled across your post and felt like I'd share my similar situation.

Reason for edit:

 

I have had to take out a paragraph from your post to bring it in line with forum rule #1. Please see the attaced link for a full listing of forum rules. (https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997) Darren

Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 10/4/2007 5:36:02 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/6/2007 1:42 AM (GMT 0)
I know exactly how you feel. Alot of what you just said has been going on in my life too, and I'm probably alot younger than you (not implying that you're old, I'm only a kid) But I have been to a therapist and I've been diagnosed with depression. EVERYONE thinks I'm depressed, and I hate that because everyone knowing about it just makes it a million times worse.

But anyway, you can never be sure. I personally think you have a mild form of depression. If I were, I'd go see a professional and get diagnosed. If it turns out you do have depression, a therapist can help you recover, along with medication and you'll be living your life in no time

Best Wishes,
Ciddy
Posted 10/6/2007 1:50 AM (GMT 0)

Ciddy

You say you are a kid, just how old are you sweetie?  It helps sometimes when we have an idea of your age and where you are coming from.

Thanks

Kitt

Posted 10/6/2007 2:00 AM (GMT 0)
I just turned 14, which isn't exactly a kid, but compared to alot of people here I guess I am. Oh well

-Ciddy
Posted 10/6/2007 2:15 AM (GMT 0)
Hello life,

Its interesting to hear about the male experience of depression... its different but yet similar to what women go through.  Everyone wants to feel appreciated, and the fact that you are able to open the door for someone shows that you do have the ability to care for someone.  Don't worry, you will find that special someone you are seeking and when you do you may find that they were worth the wait.

I too suffer tremendous loneliness and have since my husband left me for another woman.  The loneliness is very hard and hurts so much, but it truly is better to be a little lonely than in a bad relationship.  In a sense I was glad when my husband left me because he mistreated me for many years.  Strange... even though there was a feeling of rejection there was also a great sigh of relief.

The desire for companionship is normal and it will come to you when the time is right. 

all the best,

-C

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