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I am so disappointed in myself!

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Posted 11/13/2007 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
I messed up last night - I've been struggling w/ a number of things & alcohol is one of them.  I hid all my wine outside in our storgage shed a while back to keep me from it - well, it didn't keep me from it last night.  I went out there and dug out the box and ended up drinking almost an entire bottle of red wine (once again) sad   

I "stopped drinking" 27 days ago and have already slipped 6 times.   I feel SO bad about myself for being weak once again.  I am not even sure what triggered it this time - It's not like anything bad happened.  Just lots of pressure on my end - husband in another state working, homeschooling my kids, trying to keep a perfect home, dr. appointments (and no insurance), older daughter having medical problems & still not sure what is going on with here etc...

Anyway... thanks for listening.  I know today is a new day - I just feel horrible about myself + I have a bad headache & stomach is sick.  I deserve that though.   Haven't mad it to AA meetings - still trying to get therapy started & then find a psychiartist to help w/ proper diagnosis & meds.

ugh!

Posted 11/13/2007 4:32 PM (GMT 0)

Good Morning,

I am sure you will get many responses and please don't beat yourself up. Are you a member of an AA group?  If not you may want to get involved as you will receive much support.

May I gently suggest dumping out all your wine as hiding them from yourself does not work.............after all you know where the alcohol is stashed so it is not really hidden is it?  I am not belittling you as I have hid pain pills from myself but they were easy to retrieve.  I finally flushed them down the toilet and made all the fishes happy.

Please join a group or see a therapist to help you with your drinking issues.

Gentle Hugs to you

Kitt

Posted 11/13/2007 11:58 PM (GMT 0)
I have thought about dumping it all out - but some of it is expensive & I just don't think I can do it. No, I am not part of AA yet - but plan to join soon. I am seeing a therapist (my 2nd appt is on Thursday)
Posted 11/14/2007 12:09 AM (GMT 0)
wtcmlife

I know this is no excuse as you have said,but sometimes life takes it's toll and the pressure is just way to much and we need to find something to help us deal.
Please do not beat yourself up over this,for one you know you have a problem..which is why you hid the wine in the first place.

I suggest getting yourself to the doctor and explaining what is going on with you and see if there is any medical help that you can get.

Also,the AA meetings are a great idea...although I will tell you I feel very hypocritical right about now because I too have been known to have a few glasses of wine to just chill out.

Please stay strong and keep in touch...


Shy
Posted 11/14/2007 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
I really second what everyone else has said. Try not to beat yourself up, you are under alot of stress and you proably need some help. I would suggest AA and your doc, but you already know that, and someone to help with the chilren. Big hug!
Posted 11/14/2007 4:51 PM (GMT 0)

Good Morning,

I hope today is a better day for you.  I would be really happy to see you do one nice thing for you today,  read a book, go to lunch, do something simple yet rewarding for you.

As far as the expensive wine, do you have someone to give it to that you can trust won't want you to share the bottle with them.

I know the drugs I dumped were spendy too but for my health it was worth the cost.

I have slipped many times over the years and done things I was not proud of but I have forgiven myself most of the slips and moved on.  I pray you can find the strength and support to do this.

Many gentle Hugs.

Kitt

Posted 11/14/2007 8:01 PM (GMT 0)

I agree with what eveyone else has said. Alcohol is a bad addiction to beat and stopping cold turkey can be dangerous, so I would seek medical advise with this one. As other people have said, please dont beat yourself up over this. You have still achieved a cut back, even if you did have the bottle of red wine... which is great news.

I hope all goes well at your appointment

Darren

Posted 11/15/2007 12:02 AM (GMT 0)
 

Thanks for the replies - I took some time today for myself and got a raspberry mocha & just relaxed a bit. It was nice. I also did some Christmas shopping & dropped the kids w/ Grandma for a while. That was nice!

Tomorrow is my therapy appt. and I am hoping I will have a good session - last time (my 1st visit) wore me out and I did 99% of the talking. Thanks for the encouragement. :-)

 

Posted 11/15/2007 3:55 AM (GMT 0)

It sounds like you are doing good things for yourself. Congratulations! No need to beat yourself up, you're taking positive steps.

First visits in therapy are always hard work. There's so much (very personal information) that your therapist needs to know to assess, recommend a treatment plan, and develop a rapport - it's especially hard because you don't even know them yet. Therapy does work (I'm on the other side of the sessions and see clients succeed - it's not easy but it's life-changing and so worth the effort). Be patient, willing and be sure you have a therapist that is a good fit for you. Some kind of group support is also extremely helpful. AA is very accessible and has an excellent reputation for success. (Shop around to find your home group if you need to. Groups seem to have personalities - it's kind of like finding a good restaurant - there are many flavors out there - don't give up on all of them because one was not good). My clients generally find getting a sponsor to be so very helpful. Your therapist probably won't be available at all hours, but a good sponsor will be.

about the cost - alcohol continues to make you pay for it in more costly ways... why have the temptation so close?

Take good care of yourself. :-)

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