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spiraling out of control..i need help.

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Posted 2/25/2008 2:49 AM (GMT 0)
Lately everything seems like it has taken a turn for the worse, even though i've only just begun to do the things i need to do to treat this. I'm seeing a therapist now, and i've been diagnosed with major depression AND a panic disorder. I am truly ashamed of myself for doing this, but i'm also binging/purging and scratching at my arm. It only seems to happen when i get really anxious and am alone. My mom is so frustrated with me everytime we talk on the phone because she doesn't know what to say. My dad is out of the picture and my boyfriend just broke up with me about a month ago and he is already seeing someone new. I told him that i can't talk to him anymore because i need to get on the right path and seeing him with someone else and having him in my life right now when i'm just learning how to be without him would be too hard. i really am glad that i did what i needed to do, but its so hard to get through the day without talking to him. he really was my best friend and i'm beside myself at the loss of him, but i know that having him around would be harder. i can't make myself stop thinking about it. the only thing that made me happy was being with him and being able to call myself his girlfriend. now i just have the thought of him with someone else and its making me physically sick.

I have an evaluation to get meds on the 5th of march, but that seems so far away. I don't have health insurance so i have to go through the system, and i've tried unsucessfully to get my appointment moved up. I just don't know if i can wait until then. I've heard suggestions about taking st. johns wort and i've started to do that, but it doesn't seem to elevate my mood at all. i'm actually in school to be a therapist one day and i know that i should know better than to do this, and that scares me even more. i'm seeing my symptoms get worse and worse every day and i can't stop it. i'm not sleeping, not eating, not enjoying my life at all. i'm averaging about 3 hours a night at most, and at five foot two, the ten pounds i've lost is really starting to show and my friends are getting worried about me. i'm so afraid that i am going to be hospitalized because i've started cutting, but the marks aren't that bad. i just don't know how much more i can take. i'm doing literally everything that i need to do to improve, but it just gets worse...
Posted 2/25/2008 3:30 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Katie.
PLEASE don't do this to yourself. I know it's hard (I've been in a similar situation of not sleeping much and not living life) when I'm sad. I'm actually in the same boat right now except I've been eating and sleeping a lot more (it can go either way I guess with depression). My ex-bf isn't talking to me anymore because he's sick of how sad I've been lately with not passing a class in grad school and being "too dependent and obsessed with him". NO guy and NO ONE for that matter is worth you not living your life. I know it's hard not talking to him for a day. I feel like calling my ex, but I tell myself it's for the better in the long run if I don't call. Friendships should be mutual and it's really hard to be friends with someone you were in a relationship with (at least for me). I think if he sees that you're respecting yourself and he notices that you don't need him in your life, then maybe one day in the future you guys can be friends. (That's what I'm hoping for one day). But in the meantime (believe me) I know it's difficult, get some sleep, try to eat balanced meals, and just enjoy yourself. I figured if a guy doesn't want you in his life you don't need him in yours either and you don't need to get sick over him. Just last week after my ex told me he doesn't want to talk to me ever again, I couldn't sleep, didn't go to class, and stayed in the house in bed and cried all day. It's not healthy at all. The only way you can move on (something my ex wants me to do too) is to respect yourself. Guys are attracted to girls who do. Soon enough, once you're healthy and start respecting yourself, a guy who understands you will come along who is better than your ex. Let me know how you're doing. You're in my thoughts. In the meantime, I would see a counselor since you can't get meds yet. Talking to a counselor helps sooo much! You can get through this. Just be strong.

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 2/24/2008 8:35:17 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/25/2008 4:06 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Katie,

I am really happy that you came here, you really do need some help with this, I am happy that you are seeing a counselor.  It is very important for you to talk to somebody about this.

I think that you got some good advice from Confused.  She has been dealing with this too.  She is very compassionate and understanding.

Keep up with the counseling and post here when you need to vent or just to talk.  Everybody here is very good at listening. 

You will make it Katie, just keep pushing.  It isn't easy, ask Confused, but like she said, you can do it.

you are in my thoughts and prayers.

hugs, Karen

Posted 2/25/2008 4:54 AM (GMT 0)
I think confused has said it perfectly. She definitely knows what she is talking about because she is going through so much herself right now. Trying to find things that distract you may be helpful....and I know talking to someone and coming here will help a lot, just knowing you aren't alone in this battle is a wonderful feeling.

Good for you, confused, you are sounding stronger every time you post!
Posted 2/26/2008 9:55 PM (GMT 0)
It sounds to me like you really need someone to talk to, some that you feel like you can trust. Although the internet is a good resourse for finding support, there is something to be said about an unbiased professional trained to listen to your concerns and help you to talk through the difficult feelings you are dealing with.

Reason for edit:

 

I have taken your link out for the same reason as I removed it in the main post you put in the forum... due to its advertising nature, it is not allowed under forum rules

 

Darren

 

Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 2/26/2008 3:11:13 PM (GMT-7)

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